Reply To: Agoraphobia, Anxiety and Panic Attacks
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Hi and thank you Jeff for your excellent advice,
You asked what happened before I threw the anti-depressant tablets away. Having served in the British Army during the 70s, I came out and soon realised I was not going to just fall into the job I wanted and so took anything whilst I searched for what I wanted and was fully qualified to do.
I remember thinking I could see no end to this working in factories and dead-end jobs. This went on for a few years. I am a thinker – maybe that is part of my problem – I love a challenge, to create and I am ambitious too.
So you see, I could not understand at the time, these feelings of inadequacy and lack of drive. I could never be a robot on doing the same thing day in, day out…although I was for 5 years.
I had no one to turn to and was too proud to tell my then wife, so I went to see the doctor, a place you would rarely see me in those days or in the present. He listened to me and diagnosed me with depression…ha! I didn't even know what the word depression meant or agoraphobia, anxiety and panic attacks.
In retrospect, I believe I was not really depressed at all; we all get our days and I was on a real downer lasting longer than normal. I thought a little bit of councelling with the doc would help and in my vulnerable state I readily accepted the anti-depressants really believing this was the answer.
I saw no results on these retched things; in fact, they made me feel worse. After around 6 weeks, maybe more, I flushed them down the toilet and that was that.
Soon the withdrawals came, yet another thing I neither understood or knew why…you know the rest accept I do remember at the age of 13 having my first panic attack after thinking of my own mortality and soon forgot it, but I think the fact I was being bullied at school had much to do with that episode.
Finally, I witnessed and had some not so good moments in the Army. Put that altogether with a traumatic birth with the chord around my neck and being pushed back up the birth canal with forceps and my Mother telling me she thought she passed her fear onto me. Also very unhappy with my situation right now with the controlling people I live with and so am in a state of anxiety almost all the time.
Phew…Sorry, it was kind of theraputic just writing that and my previous post to you. I don't expect you to have all the answers Jeff and maybe it would be best for me to choose a PSTEC Practitioner as you advised.
Meanwhile, thanks again and here's wishing you and all on the PSTEC Forum a great New Year!!!