Reply To: Feeling Empty
Here are some ideas from Tim P himself… noted in italics… along with my own comments… I also included some suggestions for actions for you in bold…
“Some people get so used to negative a emotion that when it's gone, rather strangely they miss it. This can be because those feelings provide useful excuses for their own failings and failures. Once the blame is gone they have to face their own feelings about self. Those can be click tracked of course.”
It's amazing what we miss… what we strive so hard to hang onto. It seems it has more to do with what's familiar than what is empowering.
The first and most important aspect of helping others through this dark forest is, as therapist/counselor/coach, how we handle our REPONSE-ability (how do we respond?).
Your client is lost and, like many, may not even believe anything else exists but the dark forest and danger lurks behined the next tree … and the next tree.. and the next one.
It's our job to metaphorically hold their hand, reassure them, and lead the way while we point out along the way that there was Truly nothing to fear behind that tree… and same with the next one… and the next one.
This is important not only for the benefit of your client, but also for your sanity!
We must learn to RESPOND when the emotional scale does not budge (oh no, or even worse!!) or rises, in the same manner as when the emotional scale lowers quickly. We must bring to the table an attitude of calm and peace that says, 'All manner of issues can be handled and let's get to it.'
There must be a confidence here while at the same being serious, compassionate and able to bring various tools and methods to transcend the issue.
Ah, most importantly, as Tim says, we must do our own work too. Because how can we possibilty lead someone out of the dark forest if we are still stuck in there ourselves?
Here are two great action items…
- The first one involves work on your own… imagine NOT finding a solution; you are NOT able to help this person; they leave and you never hear from them again and never know the outcome. How would you feel? If the feeling is NOT JEEP, then take that non-JEEP feeling along with the imagined event and run the CT. Now, other events, memories and thoughts may come up, so follow those through and run the CT on anything that comes up. When you are done and 0-1 on the imagined event of not being part of solution for this person, run PSTEC Positive on your intention with the person.
- The second one is that when with a client and you're not sure what direction to go, let them tell you. Begin with the non-JEEP feeling and follow it, as I'm sure you have done many times, to the memories/imagined events that come up and pull out the truty CT. So, always use the feelings that are at the end of the breadcrumbs and follow them; they always, eventually, lead to the source or cause.
- “If they are analytical then what about pointing out the fact that people really can't feel the positive side properly when they are so full of negative emotion? so now they get the opportunity to discover something truly wonderful. – if they are prepared to do the little extra work to discover it (putting the onus on them).I'd offer that the empty feeling is an opportunity for something better. Rather like a big emotional void just waiting to be filled up with love, friendship and other positive feelings not just for others but also for themselves.”
- You can also lead them to asking about what will be missing if they cannot participate with their family in the same way… what will they lose… what is the worst that can happen. Look at their imagined scenarios and the fears that come with that… CT again. Secondary gain is a very sneaky, but powerful motivator for the sub.
- Sometimes, I will test the waters by coming through with a PSTEC Positive session… focusing on what they desire, helping them craft a Positive Statement, running the PP in session and seeing what comes up. This gives a change of pace and also, either the PS will “land” well in the sub or it will invoke some other emotional issues in the way. If it does dredge things up, then you can put PP aside for a bit and take care of the emotional stuff coming up.
“Understanding and forgiveness would be my first step. I'd do that by using gestalt or chair therapy in hypnosis. I'm sure you have your own methods in that regard. I'd also have them list good times, happy events, loving moments, positive aspects to family etc. And go through them in turn in hypnosis looking for the love and pouring it into the void they felt they had. It's also an opportunity to explore the possibilities of all manner of better relationships with other people and themselves simply because the now have more room and more opportunity to feel positive emotions.”
I had to share that one from Tim because, obviously, it's true, but also for others to see where he is ultimately coming from with PSTEC. He once said to me, “PSTEC is all about forgiveness.” And, what is letting go of emotional, belief and behavior attachments and aversions, but forgiveness of others AND forgiveness of self?
It sounds like your client peeled one part of his mind model back and is exposing another part of it or a big part of it. This is a great opportunity for you and your client, but you two go to it as a team. Remember that and remind your client that you are a team and that you are the one that will remind them of their magnificence, you will do the “thinking” by sorting things out, you will set the “list of things to do”… all they have to do is be aware and let go of each aspect that comes up until it's done.
Keep clickin' along with your client… all is well!