Reply To: My ultimate fear: rejection
Yes, I definitely feel like things are moving in a good direction for me right now. I've been clicking on lots of issues these past few days, and some issues with my boyfriend that I was having. I had a fear of him leaving me and I was able to click it down to a 2! However, I still had a lot of stress and uneasiness. I was feeling stressed when I couldn't see him, when I didn't know where he was or what he was doing. I was able to get that down to a 3.
It's odd, I thought that if I clicked on the issue of him leaving me, it would clear up these other problems but it didn't. It's fascinating that I can not really feel fearful about thinking of him leaving me, and yet still feel frightened if he's not around or feel frightened that he doesn't want to spend time with me.
I actually got to an issue I have of feeling unworthy in general but I couldn't put my finger on why. So I asked myself, “What does this remind me of?”
And I realized this unworthy feeling was connected to my dad. My dad is not a loving or kind person. He's very mean spirited and he's very verbally abusive. When I thought about that feeling of being unworthy of love or care a memory came up of when I was about 10 years old, I came home from a Dairy Queen with one of those Misty Slush drinks and as I came into the door of our house, the drink slipped out of my hand… And my dad completely freaked out and berated me, calling me names, and I remember running out of the house crying down the street.
I went from a 10, and crying pretty hard at the beginning of the click track, to feeling between a 2 or a 3. I'm so glad the click tracks are working. I've been feeling so tired lately because of all these negative feelings and thoughts in my head and I feel like I'll get some relief soon using this technique.
I was hoping to maybe start working with a PSTEC therapist in my area but it looks like there's none in my state.