Reply To: Tangled web, where to start?
MANY thanks Peter, Andy, and oz!
So much for me feeling “isolated” !
I will digest all of this.
I did have a windfall a year ago, and it did not heal the PTSD, but there is PTSD about being able to “get plenty” more. (In fact, interestngly, the windfall actually made the PTSD worse, because it went against my “can't get enough” programming, and I worried if I would be able to “get plenty” as the $$$ dwindled.)
The windfall also serves as more experience of “easily having plenty” which I can use to manifest more now.
I've been doing some breathwork again every day, which also seems to be helping somewhat.
Yes, Peter, maybe I've been too “on it,” that is a great point. I can “sneak up on it” instead. I could also go back and click again on what I fear happening as a consequence of having more money.
And this is where it gets interesting to me–I have HAD the experience of both “making” a lot of money, and being “given” a lot of money. So I've already done it, and had no real bad consequences! (Except for the fact that my subconscious associated the getting $$$ “cut off” due to recession as related somehow to me “having plenty,” like I'm not supposed to have anything and am safer not having anything.) It's old stuff!
It is obvious to me that these PTSD symptoms are totally about old, childhood stuff (and even some birth trauma); since I've already proven to myself that I CAN “get plenty,” and easily!
And oz, part of the PTSD tension is EXACTLY about fearing I CAN'T “get plenty,” and that “they'll just come and make me have less” if I do have more, and what will happen if I can't “get plenty”–how will I get what I want/need? They are not separate issues for me (Maybe only someone who was abused financially would understand this.) You can have PTSD symptoms from being financially withheld from, cut off, denied, etc. Tim mentions this somewhere in Andy's “PTSD Option 3” that I have.
And this layer of PTSD symptoms came up when my pre-existing work was “abruptly cut off” due to the recession–this part of the PTSD is entirely about being cut off by others and feeling “I can't get enough”. (It's a personal power issue.) My dad would (unnecessarily!) withhold $$$ and abruptly cut off $$$ for things to control me.
For example, I have PTSD stuff about men and relationships which somewhat overlaps with the $$$ stuff, but I'm not concerned about that right now. lol you can have PTSD about anything, whatever the subject of the trauma was.
Andy–I will think on all of your suggestions and answer more specifically after I have pondered them, thank you! (You suggested some Bowen before to me so I'll look for that.)
I think of my symptoms as an “Extreme Freeze Response”–holding tongue (not safe to speak my Truth, ask/get what I want/need), holding breath in fear, and holding the “flow” of money,etc.
Anyway, I REALLY appreciate everyone's time and ideas!
I'm going to mull this all over and answer everyone more specifically next time. I'll keep all posted on my “Adventures in Healing PTSD”!
THANK YOU AND TO YOU ALL!!!