Reply To: Tangled web, where to start?

[diamondgoddess!PSTEC User]

Hey oz!

This may boil down to a fundamental difference in perception and semantics.  (Plus the fact that I am projecting, too!  LOL!!!  )

ANY money I get activates the old fear.  It feels “better” if I make my own money because I am in my power and proving that I am able to “get more”.  (This somewhat mitigates the “freeze response”.)  But earnings activate me too, any kind of “having more” does it.  I think I am safer if I have less.  The PTSD about money comes from my dad drunkenly yelling about money, and withholding it as control.

It's ALWAYS about my ability to “get more” and whether that is OK, safe, etc., or not.  I protected myself from the yelling and deprivation by freezing and having less.

And I realize, as an adult, that some people DON'T like others' success, but who cares about them? 

In my world, my success is my destiny.  I am working through this stuff so I can get back to succeeding as I already have…and even more!    I am NOT living my potential lately.  (It's NOT that “I am worthless” [literally!} without the $$$ and stuff; it's that I have too much going for me to not do well in life.  It's a given in my mind.)  Plus, just the basic survival issues of being able to take care of myself as an adult.

I basically think it's safer for me to stay frozen and “have less”, but that's hardly who I really am.

(The “having more or less” are not hard numbers, it's an emotional thing that I understand.)

I certainly had great shifts all day in feeling more abundant today, yay!

Thanks, oz!!!
DG!