Reply To: Can I use Cascade Release this way
thanks for your kind words.
I used the Cascade Release a lot during the last few weeks and things start to change. There are some things that got a lot better, others still need some work.
There are 3 things in my focus right now.
1. I now feel the really big need for using PSTEC positive and PSTEC Positive extra power and I'll buy PSTEC Positive secrets soon. I just bought PSTEC peak performance. Because I just think it's about time to build up some good new stuff. That's what I'll do today
2. I now realize that all that stuff, it's not my fault that those people screamed and yelled and did all that name calling and abuse. It was their emotional instability and their own inner experience and their own memories. What they did was very inappropriate, although it appeared to be normal back then. But, and here is a really big issue, what hurts the most are the memories of being yelled at and the sudden outbursts of aggressive behavior from people that should have cared for me. Instead they expected me to take care of their needs and I was overwhelmed from that. I've been tapping on that for months and it's still there. The gaslighting was also really bad. I've been tapping on that, too. It still hurts. But I guess feeling the hurt is better than the numbing and dissociation I did before. PSTEC works best for me when I allow myself to feel that hurt and pain and the desperate loneliness although there where lots of people around me. It took a lot of guts to just jump into that hurt and pain. But I guess it's rewarding. This may sound obvious, but I was used to dissociate for all of my life. Recognizing + feeling the hurt and pain instead of splitting it off is a big thing for me.
Do you have any suggestins or tips / advice?
3. I've been trained to take on projective identification since I was a very little child, and there was lots of scapegoating etc. I was assigned to take on their stuff and make things easier for them. Sometimes I even knew that I am taking on something that doesn't belong to me, but I still had to do so, because easing their life and lighten their load was my “right to exist”. They were usually threatening me with a lot of really bad stuff to make sure I'd do what they want + to make sure I'd take the blame for stuff that was not my fault. I would not have done it, at least not all of it, without the threats.
So, I have a lot of stuff stored in my soul that does not belong to me. I do not make this up, my therapist confirmed that I took it on.
I tried to tap that stuff with the Click tracks as if it was my own, that doesn't work.
Then I tried to tap it as a surrogate, pretending to be that person for some time. Doing so eases the load, although it is really really exhausting. But it makes me understand some stuff and as far as I now know, living with a PD and without a consistent inner self must be really hard, but still doesn't justify abuse.
Before I had PSTEC I had to put all of that burden into my OCD, in fact that's one reason I developed OCD. I now know that my OCD is not my enemy, it's just some kind of self help and (kind of) an attempt of self defense.
Do you have any suggestions on tapping projective identifications and extractive introjections? I assume that I am not the only one dealing what projective identifications, so maybe there are already known strategies for that besides the surrogate tapping.
I also tried to tap the threats that forced me to be “open” for their projective identification, because I hoped that stuff would disappear, this approach does work, but I need more time with that. For the extractive introjection I used some kind of mixed strategy, surrogate tapping and tapping my own stuff.
I really really want to be done with that stuff, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life with something a former therapist called “channeling therapy for people who refuse to go to therapy” and feeding people with knowledge and strategies who should do their own work on personal growth and personal change. This may sound arrogant, but I've been doing this all my life, work hard for my pesonal growth and knowledge and I shared what I learned with others. Because I always thought that's what you do as a social person, until I found out that there are people in this world who are just empty vessels and bottomless pits. It can be a good thing to share, but you have to think about it first.
I'd be really grateful for ideas and tips.
have a great day