Reply To: Trying the new PSTEC tools
Brian TuckerThere are a ton but they are at the core you are not ok, not good, bad, wrong, defective, shameful, humiliating as a person (not as a behavior though you have liely been humiliated a lot or humiliated yourself) and then it spawns from there. I'm sure there are others here who can go deep on this subject and I certainly encourage it.
I find the anger and shame are all twisted up and support each other. I find the shame further holds all the self-worth, fear etc beliefs in place. I don't know of a book that describes this. This is my personal experience and I am only suggesting this as a way to look at it from the fastest way to deal with it. I had to “feel my way through it” LOL Just getting anger to release can be a pain sometimes depending on what you believe about anger or what caused it. Shame will often trigger severe rage so dark and deep it can be scary to release.
So many people don't know they have shame or they deny it because IT IS PAINFUL and then wonder why they are in so much pain and stuck. If you want to be free you MUST be 100% honest and open with yourself. There is no way around it. Shame can come from something as simple as your mom giving you a strange look when you wet the bed or saying “shame on you” for playing in the dirt or running outside naked as a little one and you don't even remember it.
Same as a lot of people here say they have approach anxiety or social anxiety but what they actually have is “Avoidant Personality Disorder” however that is just a medical definition. That's the beauty of PSTEC. You only need one thing – a feeling – and that is it!
What they have is a cluster of beliefs that causes them to act a certain way and a big part of that is social avoidance all the way to Agoraphobia. Toxic shame is a big cause in APD and until that is resolved no sense starting on the other core beliefs because they all stem for the shame.