Reply To: Working with Blushing
Forums › General Discussions and Specific Issues › General Anxiety…Social Anxiety… Panic Attacks…Agoraphobia › Working with Blushing › Reply To: Working with Blushing
Hi All, Happy New Year
Firstly, I must say a much needed thank you to Paul and Brian for the work they do on this forum, just from browsing various threads the amount of detailed, thoughtful and helpful replies is amazing, so just to say thank you both for the input you put into this forum, we all are extremely grateful.
Here's an update on the blushing, I have noted your replies and so far I have purchased CT 2015, PQT and BB just recently and went to work on Jan 1st targeting my issue.
Jan 1st: ran the CT 2015's on blushing always being there, having no control and it being overpowering no matter what, I then ran them on my anger and frustration of it being there in my life (BIG ONE) – then lastly blushing in front of everyone…
I also ran PQT on: “I forgot how to blush”
The results led me to ask why cant I blush? whats wrong with it? and also I felt that I didn't have this massive hate towards it anymore, I thought for once that blushing was never the actual problem, professionals have always told me that it was a natural emotion like crying or something, the PROBLEM was my feelings towards it/the fears/anxiety of it, not the actual emotion it'self, I saw that now because when I thought of blushing itself, it felt neutral. This was incredible! the next day at work I really felt big changes, I felt like the levels were shifted the other way. It was brilliant.
Jan 2nd: ran CT 2015 again on a few points such as, “this is too good to be true”, “PSTEC is a trick”, “it's like a placebo effect”, “it will all come back” etc, and tried to neutralise this emotions, I had a slight fear of the problem returning and destroying my progress.
I also then done some CT work on this image of a weekly meeting at work with everyone there and this feeling of anxiety/fear of me blushing in front of people and then caring what they think and judging me, I felt like it just did not want to go away, to really try and get the emotion to show I said to myself I AM SCARED OF BLUSHING and felt that, I re-winded the Long CT 2015 track two times on this feeling and it was still there, I got sad and then angry at it but still felt like there was a care for it still to be there, I named/pictured it being a large dark circle and I just kept running the tracks and it's still there thinking I will forever be worried about this and then it began to make me re-think other situations can this all be undone etc. It would not budge.
I then imagined at the very end of the nights PSTEC work, loving it and accepting it saying “oh well, this is me this is how I am” and I felt it ease off a little, it's almost as like something inside me kept holding onto it and wouldn't realise it, this makes me believe this is the answer, the feeling just wants to be accepted and loved, maybe it's the resistance that powers it and keeps bringing this feeling to the surface its exactly what other people have always said to me that blushing is a paradoxical effect, the less you want it, the more it's there, but if you welcome and accept it, it then has no source.
Jan 3rd Where I am today: debating what to work on tonight, I have a niggling feeling that I need to try CT2015 on something else unrelated just to confirm I know it works again, as last night felt like a big loss at battle, You have to understand my mind is extremely good at sabotage, many years ago I used to run click tracks/EEF's back to back on numerous issues and sometimes you can run them and the issue is not always cleared, this makes me think that my mind may be incredibly good at learning how to perform the hand tapping without much conscious effort and the subconscious is taking over. I feel the fear of blushing is still there, it's almost like Jan 1st didn't all happen, so something has really come to the surface from my sub.
PS. for whoever reads this they may think, well it's only blushing. You have to understand in my mind it's something that you can not control, there is no hiding from this, I believe people think negatively of me about this and may think i'm over sensitive or have no confidence at work, this may cripple my career. In my mind model I can't fathom asking anyone else, why aren't you worried about blushing? Of course they must be, blushing lights your face/neck/ears up to let everyone know. I can't see an answer to it, This has been something I have been worrying about for 13 years,
*I know that when this issue is finally resolved I will be able to think of the weekly meeting and feel no fear/anxiety of blushing and I wont blush, this is my testing ground. I still always go back to an idea of somewhere in my mind that the clear answer to this is either acceptance (paradoxical) or not caring what others think. These are the 2 big contenders I have in my corner to possibly reign supreme on this issue.
Anway, sorry for the long post, I would appreciate your comments and time, Tonight I am going back to work again with this time possibly some help from your comments.