About feeling emotions/ not feeling emotions

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  • #21848
    Avatarwander
    PSTEC User

    Hi

    I have tried the free CT's on a few issues but have some questions about feeling the emotions.

    I have read and listened to the FAQ and tutorials, but hope it is okay to ask even though the answer may be in the stuff I have read or heard.

    I am a failure. My income is too low for my living and I feel afraid I might get kicked out of my appartement.

    I feel too fat. I feel like no man will ever love me because I am fat, or I feel afraid that I can't live in a loving relationship because I am afraid of being hurt and/or hurt the other person or other negative thing. I am afraid of the phase after the “in love”-part. I am afraid of men because they might get angry with me.

    I am afraid of angry people. I have lost at least three jobs at the interview stage because the job would include angry customers. So I sabotaged the interview.

    I could go on and on with talking about my feelings like that: afraid of this and afraid of that.

    So. PSTEC. I should have enough problems to use the CT's on a number of things. My problem is that when I put on the headset and start listening to the CT, something happens. I know I am afraid of things, but always, when I think of the fear, the feeling is gone. I know it will come up in a situation, but I don't feel them when I start the CT to clear anything. Sometimes when I feel sad I can just think of the feeling sad and the feeling is gone. I know I am sad, but I don't feel it.

    Other times I can start to cry when I see a cute kitten or a baby, and I want to start crying just to cry (because everybody says it is healthy to cry and I will feel better after, but as soon as the thought is in my head, the crying stops)

    Also, I have a couple of beliefs I think I have to clear. Can I just start there? I have “Level 1”, “Negative”, “Positive Extra Power”, “Mindfulness”, “Reversed Sentences Abundance” and “Weight Loss”.

    I know about the beliefs that I am not good enough. And; is afraid of being rejected a belief?

    I want to work with healing, helping people, but I don't know how to get out of my comfort zone to really “get out there” and start getting clients. I know I can do it, but I feel like I am not worth the money, so I feel uncomfortable taking money for healing.

    I hope someone can help me with where to start? Help with sorting my thoughts on this. Which track to listen to now?

    I have had success with the fear of my land lady kicking me out, and with feeling of being rejected by a couple of friends of mine and another feeling of something I just forgot now. So the free CT's have helped there, but I don't know what else I could do with them now. I don't have any issue at hand. I just want to get rid of the things holding me back because of my body and my economy.

    #24860
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi wander

    Your post screams “low self esteem/self worth” However there are many causes and many ways of it showing up. I would expect from what you have written, to find that you had a difficult childhood in at least some way. You probably have a long list of things you could Click Track, but Click Tracking is where you should start. You clearly can be emotional and know that it is emotions and fears that hold you back and the Click Tracks are the tools that are designed to work to clear those. Furthermore you have already had some success with the Click Tracks so you know that they work for you and they can work their “magic” again.

    If you feel OK with it I would like to ask you about when you were young. You indicated some concerns about your bodyshape, do your insecurity feelings make you over eat/ eat the wrong things? Was this an issue as a child or did this happen later? Were your parents also on low incomes? Clearly here I am fishing for information that will give some clues on where to suggest Click Tracking but I do feel that it would help solve your issues by working on past memories first. If you feel that this is too personal to write here then we can also “talk” on this forums Personal Messaging system.

    Peter

    #24861
    Avatarwander
    PSTEC User

    Thank you for your reply, Peter

    You really nailed it regarding my childhood. I had a step father that always yelled and was always angry. I was always afraid of him and when my mother was at work I did all I could not to be in the same room as him. He is an old man now, but still I feel the same fear if he gets angry now, the way I was afraid when I was a kid.

    He was also really bad at cooking, so I always tried to avoid eating what ever he made.

    When I was a child I could go a whole day without eating just to avoid eating grose food. To this day I don't eat leftovers, because it was lot of that when I grew up and sometimes the food was sour or had been warmed up too many times so it was just grose.

    I guess my overweight has something to do about hiding too. If I am unattractive no one will try to like me and I don't have to deal with relationships. At the same time I want to be slim and fit and look good, because I like attentions too. Once I lost almost 30Kg and I felt so good. But I started to eat cakes and candy again and got all the 30kg back.

    (When I was 6, 7 or 8 years old I experienced two incidents of sexual “something” (one time an elder boy took my clothes off and pretended to have sex with me, he had his clothes on. And one time an elder boy fondled me outside my panties), and I don't think of them often. I didn't even think of it as sexual abuse until a psychiatrist used the words.)

    Yes, my parents didn't have much money when we grew up, but they both had jobs, so we had everything we needed. Not in abundance, but enough to get by. I remember always hearing “we can't afford that”, so I guess that is a mantra I have taken with me.

    When it comes to the emotional. When I grew up I was “known for” being angry, but I was hurt and had to pretend to be angry or else they would tease me for being a wimp.

    At the same time, my mother was always tired and I took care of my two younger siblings. Made dinner for them and made sure they got up in the morning at go to school and go to bed at night etc.

    My parents divorced when I was about 3 years old and I didn't have any contact with my father. I guess I have some abandonment issues too.

    I have a lot to click away… I hope you could help me with a plan – where to start, how to continue and so on. And my most pressing issue is “the thing with the money” (as I see it anyway)

    #24862
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi wander

    My first suggestion then is to Click Track the strongest of those early memories of your step father. Recall if you can a time when he was shouting at you and being aggressive towards you and Click Track that. Keep a record of the before and after 0-10 count of emotional intensity.

    Although this could be hard for you, from what you have said so far those early years have had quite an impact on you, that is affecting your life even now. Lack of money is an issue for you, but this fear of men and angry people, made you fail interviews, so it is relevant to your current concerns.

    There are many more suggestions to follow but this seems to me to be a good starting point. You did not list “Wealth of Abundance” on your list of packages that you have available. So download it for FREE from my site  here. This track from Tim is a hypnotic track that is about gratitide, both for the things you have and do not have yet. It is an important part of rebuilding your self esteem/self worth/ confidence. You can use this inbetween Click Track sessions. I suggest if you can listening every day for the first week than once a week for the next few weeks.

    Keep us updated with your progress and please ask as many questions as you like.
    Rather than give you along list of things to do, just try this one step at a time and when you have made some difference then we can go for another step, OK?

    One last thing, try the eefs from level one rather than the FREE Basic Click Tracks.
    Peter

    #24863
    Avatarwander
    PSTEC User

    Thank you again, Peter  :)

    I will do as you suggest, to work on memories of the anger and resentment from my step father (it's easy to find a memory, but the feeling around it is slipping. When I try to feel the feeling it goes away)

    I forgot to mention “Wealth of Abundance”, but I have that one too. :)

    Thank you for your advice and I'll update her when I have something new to tell.

    #24864
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi wander

    Don't worry about trying to recall the feelings, recall as much as you can, your step fathers face and how angry he looked, the way he looked at you, the things he said, the aftershave he wore, anything at all. The associated fears and anger that you felt are still connected even if you cannot hang on them, the Click Tracks will still break the connectons.

    Keep on Clicking!
    Peter

    #24865
    Avatarwander
    PSTEC User

    Thanks again :)

    I did one last night, but I don't know if it worked. I have no way to check it. I don't feel different. I don't know if I will feel calm and at ease when someone gets angry or yell in the future. How can I find out if it worked or if I need more tapping?

    And since I didn't have any feelings connected to it, I couldn't rate it. There was no intensity to it. I know I am afraid of angry people and I feel it if I hear anyone yelling or having an angry voice, but I can't get the emotions when I think of it.

    I didn't feel the fear or anything, but I saw him, and I saw other people that have been angry with me. I used the EEF1, and sometimes I felt irritated because I couldn't follow the clicks and tones at all times, sometimes I forgot to click or clicked the wrong hand or forgot to open and close my eyes. I was thinking about that i failed during the clicking and tapping and closing/opening my eyes and trying to think about my step father or the anger and so on and so on.

    So what next? Do the same as yesterday? Or do I move to another issue?

    #24866
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi wander

    Well done for trying! The eefs are meant to be difficult to follow, they would not work if they were easy. Just do your best and keep trying to hang on to memories and tap in synch as best you can. Do the rating 0-10 any way. Just let a number come to mind and trust it. You are after all speaking to yourself.

    You will know when things have changed for you. Those early experiences do not just affect your current reactions to other angry people but they made you feel inferior, less important, have less worth etc. and still do. You will probably have to keep Clicking until you get nearer to a “tipping point” and then you will feel more free, calmer and more confident in all situations.

    There is much more to do, working on money and eating issues, but keep going for now. Also do not forget to listen to WoA.

    Anger is sort of infectious, people react with anger to some else being angry, even though they have no real reason to be. It is such a destructive emotion. It might be another approach to ask yourself “what makes me angry” and any memories or situations that come to mind Click Tracked. I suspect your step father will appear somewhere on the list.

    Peter

    #24867
    Avatarwander
    PSTEC User

    Hi

    An update  :)

    I tried it on “angry people” and had no way of knowing if it helped since I didn't had a number before and after and didn't feel different.

    But I had a dream that night wich I understood was an answer to my question.

    And in the afternoon yesterday I was going to a pizza place to eat with my children and going from the car park to the pizza place I saw a bunch of teenagers sitting on a stair and a grown man stood and yelled at them. I don't know what it was about since talked a language I didn't understand, but I really understood his anger.

    Usually I would have crossed the street after feeling a thud in my stomach because of the yelling, but this time I just observed he was angry, walked by them and said to my daughter: “Oops, he was really, really angry” (Since we heard him yell a long time after we had past them.)

    So. I got to test it. It worked!  :D

    And some other issue came up last night. I have a friend I have been afraid of. She is kind of “sharp” in the way she say things. And this was about a party and that I had no money to pay for half the bill… and so I really dredded saying to her that I can't go to that party, because I can't afford it.

    I rated it to be at least 9 on the scale and started EEF1 again. I could follow it better this time. And when I was finished with it, I rated it to be 3-4.

    The fear came back today, but I told her no and felt good about it after. So it worked for that too. And I will run the CT again tonight to get it down to a 0. I am sick and tired of being afraid of people being irritated or mad – both at me and in general.

    :D

    #24868
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi wander

    I knew the Click Tracks would work for you, all I had to do was ask you to give a “go”. So well done and thank you for doing that and as we say here… keep on “Clicking”. ;D

    Next try recalling your parents saying “we can't afford that” or similar, keep that memory in mind and Click Track it.

    Peter

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