HELP This isuse seems pretty big to me and I don’t know if I am doing it right.
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- May 27, 2012 at 7:41 pm#21459Earl WestergaardPSTEC User
Here is the thing I am trying to use this on a big thing.
I was never popular enough to date in high school.
The first girl I dated out of high school was emotionally too much for me to handle and I would almost describe it as a ptsd type of situation.
I was completely in love with her but after several years she decided to become a stripper and I got her out of that but then she went back to it and got involved with some other guy. I believed she was in trouble and maybe being abused.
I tried to warn her family to get them to help and they didn't seem to believe me she told them I was wrong. Years later I spoke to her father and he told me she had a child. He asked if it might be mine. I said she would have told me, He said “Okay if you say so.”
So then I had to find out and I went through a bunch of b.s. to try and find out. She admitted to me that the other guy had tortured her and asked me why I kept tabs on her. I said that I loved her and wanted her safe so I 'prayed' for her and also it seemed to me if she had been with a guy who beat her up and treated her like dirt I guess I thought she might want the guy back who didn't treat her like dirt. She said no and you can't save people.
In any case as far as I know I don't have a child and she is alright married to a nice guy.
So I have listened to this probably half a dozen times. I had done EFT and it also seemed to work a little. With PSTEC I would for instance think about my saying I would think if h treated you like dirt and beat you maybe you would want me back and how she said no, and how awful that made me feel. You'd rather be with a guy who beat you than with me. Logically I know that means more about her than it does about me but emotionally that is like a knife in the chest.
So I would focus on that and honestly I got the emotions up to where I was blubbering. Then I would do the PSTEC and get to a point where I was no longer crying. I was neutral. Then I would think Am I done was that all there was?
I would think about it some more and that feeling would come back or maybe another thought so I guess it's working but I just don't know how to deal with all of the pieces of this or if there is a different approach I can take or is this just fine??
E.May 27, 2012 at 11:37 pm#22812Jeff HardingPSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator
One of the approach issues you are having is that you are dealing with the issue of the moment and not necessarily getting the cause or source of your painful experiences because here are a couple conclusions from what you wrote:
- You are desiring someone that rejects you.
- You are feeling that she is “the one” and you have little chance with someone else.
- You are looking to 'be done with this.' I mention this because it is quite common where we want to be done and go for a perceived quick fix so to speak' and this keeps us from identifying or visiting the source or cause of these conclusions which, most times, emanate from our early life… painful emotions and all.
It's difficult through an email, but here are some clues and directions to go…
- “I was never popular enough to date in high school.”
How does that make you feel?
How do you know this… what were your experiences back then that validate
Look for experiences of rejection.
List the various experiences/memories back then and before… then clear the emotions with those memories, one at a time. Start with the most intense ones and, quite often, it will ease the clearing of the other “lesser” ones.
Once emotions are clear or quite low, look to use PSTEC Positive to establish new beliefs about your school days and your future in relationships.
- “The first girl I dated out of high school was emotionally too much for me to handle and I would almost describe it as a ptsd type of situation.” … and… “I was completely in love with her but after several years she decided to become a stripper She said no and you can't save people.”… and … “You'd rather be with a guy who beat you than with me.”
Click Track the most intense events with her until you feel quite neutral about her and about any further desire to be with her… you know, you have a “take it or leave” it thought about being in a relationship with her.
If you still have anger or judgment about her (both indications that you are still attached to her mentally), then keep moving on this and opening up more and more to the past memories that keep you attached to her.
When you work on memories with her, look for other memories coming up and occurred prior to ever meeting her… like when you focus on a feeling ask yourself, “When did I feel that before her?”… and … “When was the first time I remember feeling that way in my life?”
You add those memories that come up to your List and keep clearing with the Click Tracks.
[/list]If you are a bit stuck, consider the PSTEC Accelerators to help the recall and memories and feelings related to these issues.
If you are reeeeeeeeealy stuck, consider chatting with a practitioner from the PSTEC Registry that can help you sort this out.
JeffMay 28, 2012 at 3:57 am#22813Earl WestergaardPSTEC User
Thank you Jeff, that was amazingly helpful. I went back to a 'smaller' time and focused on the smallest, most powerful, part and thought of what I felt at that moment. As I did the CT I tried to think of earlier times I had felt that or a similar feeling and I sort of jumped back and forth all the while that main 'issue' was becoming less and less.
I went from track 1 to track 2 over and over, with breaks, probably 5 times and that section seems to be at neutral. So this does work if you are persistent. I also found at one point that I was going into 'freeze' mode. Overwhelm can cause fight, flight or freeze and I was going into freeze or shut down.
I used CT and remembered learning 'freeze' as a child from my father. Stay still and pretend you're asleep so he doesn't try to get in a fight when he is a few sheets to the wind. I will keep using this to work on freeze and all the other stuff too. Thanks again.
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