I can’t let it go

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  • #21746
    AvatarAndrea Sorvillo
    PSTEC User

    Every one of my relationships has been ruined by another woman.  It started as a child when my father remarried someone who wasn't very nice to me.  She was jealous and from that year forward, my father and I lost our close relationship.

    I've attracted several relationships thereafter that mimic the same drama.  A nice relationship going in the right direction only to be infiltrated by an ex girlfriend or weird, obsessive mother.

    I'm currently in a new relationship in which my boyfriend is “friends” with his ex.  She lives in a different state and is also in a new relationship but they continue to talk.  He has said to me several times that I have nothing to worry about and the relationship itself is innocent but I honestly don't believe him.  I don't know why. 

    I have uncontrollable, obsessive thoughts about her and I'm visualizing punching her in the face.  I've done this with past relationships as well.  I can't let it go.  It bothers me so much that she's in his life and I wish I could just move on with it.  I try really really hard but every time she pops up on my facebook or I think about her I feel complete rage.

    There were a few things that happened in the beginning of my relationship that made me uncomfortable.  His ex and her sister asked to sleep over his apartment during a stop on a road trip.  I explained to him I felt uncomfortable about it but he allowed them to sleep there while he slept at my apartment.  He did, however, spend the majority of the night with them going to dinner and watching a movie.  A couple months later, he visited the area she currently lives (he has family there) and they spent pretty much the entire weekend together at parties, family dinner etc.  During this time, they also spoke on the phone and texted a lot.  They own a house together and so they have to communicate no matter what but I really don't like it.  I don't like her.  Over the past few months, she has entered into a new relationship and their texting/phone calls have decreased a lot.  So, in a way, I'm getting what I wanted but I have mega resentment about the past and I can't release it.  I also have thoughts of rage with such intensity that I think something is wrong with me.  I hate her and I hate that he put me through all those uncomfortable feelings.

    When I calm down I realize that I'm being a tad irrational.  My boyfriend and I have a wonderful relationship but I'm constantly starting fights with him about her.  I'm starting to wonder if I'm subconsciously sabotaging this on purpose.  My intention is to let this all go and move forward.

    Any help at all will be appreciated.  Thanks.

    #24100
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    HI AS44

    The first thing you need to do if you have not already done so, is to download the FREE Basic Click Tracks from here NOW! Listen to the Instructions file first, then listen to the first few minutes of a Click Track so that you know what you have to do.

    The anger and jealousy you feel about your partner's ex are so powerful and destructive that you should start right there. Just thinking about her for a few moments should bring up those feelings and run a Click Track. Keep on trying to feel the anger the violence, the jealousy as hard as you can while the track is running, while tapping as instructed during the track. You will find it hard but you will also be amazed at how quickly it works. You might feel a bit “frazzled” or “spaced out” after the time or few, but this does not last long but allow yourself a little extra “recovery” time.  Alternate between the two click tracks. Underneath the Anger and Jealousy will also be a Fear a Fear that you might lose your partner, as previous relationships failed and as you lost your Father. Click Track that as well! Beyond that do a similar thing but recall how you felt about your Father's new partner and all those other relationships. Re-live them one at a time and run a Click Track while you do. All those negative feelings and the fear that it might happen again as well, Click track all of them.
    There is enough here for a number of “Clicking” sessions, let us know how you get on and if you have any more questions, get back to me.
    PSTEC works! The sooner you get started the better.
    Best wishes
    Peter

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