Old relationship is still bothering me I need some help

Forums General Discussions and Specific Issues Relationships and Rejection Old relationship is still bothering me I need some help

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  • #21858
    melissa6b
    PSTEC User

    Hello,
    10 years ago I was in a relationship and although it is much better I have not been able to let go of the rejection.  I seem to focus on the positive part of the relationship so I feel like at times it is an obsession.  My ex just stopped calling me back and I have never recovered.  How do I click track this so it doesn't bother me anymore.  I have done done a lot of EFT-even with 2 different practioners and have click tracked it a bunch but it is not gone and I am ready to be healed from this so I can more fully enjoy my life and my current relationship.  I felt very betrayed, abandoned and rejected without going into too much detail here.
    thank you in advance for your help
    Melissa

    #24916
    Peter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi Melissa

    Without knowing more details…

    You have EFT'd and CT'd which I would expect to have made a difference, if that is the case you could just keep on doing more of the same. As long as the 0-10 counts keep on going down then you will get to a 0. Sometimes the hardest part is just before the “tipping point” and with a bit more persistence you will get there.

    If you feel that you are getting nowhere and helpless then this is another negative feeling to CT.

    Other PSTEC tools, PSTEC Negative, Positive and Accelerators will help but these are paid for and I do not know your financial position. However there is more FREE stuff that can help. “Wealth of Abundance” may not seem immediately useful to you, but think again. This is a hypnotic track about gratitude. Gratitude is an aspect of self esteem/self worth and this is something that you will have lost following a relationship failure. You could stop the CT work for a while and listen to this track say once a day for the first week then once week for a while thereafter.

    Since you have done some work on those feeling following the break-up and not cleared them, it may be something else that is the issue. Why did this break-up affect you so badly? Was it sudden, a shock? Did your partner leave you for someone else or some other reason? What happened to you when you were young that made the break-up so traumatic for you? Did your parents break-up?

    You do not have to answer the above here. The questions are posed for you to think about and perhaps give you a clue as to the what to CT.

    Apologies If I have more questions than answers. Be assured there is much you can do to successfully get your life back on track but without asking you more, the guidance may be stuff you have already done and a bit genralised.

    If you can Click Track the most painful memories of the break-up. If you feel any anger towards your partner, yourself or other circumstances around this issue then this anger needs CTing first.

    I will leave it there for now.

    Peter

    #24917
    melissa6b
    PSTEC User

    Thank you most of the things you asked me to think about totally fit in this situation.  It left me feeling not good enough and worthless.  I ran a bunch of the 2015 click tracks last night.  I hope I did it correctly as this method is very different from eft and other modalities.  So let's say I am working on the part that he just left and stopped calling me.  I saw him a while ago and I felt like I was in an old pattern of waiting for him to call me, kind of like really wanting for him to call but he never does and that brings up all kinds of negativity.  So I focus on the feeling of wanting him to call, then during the click track other things like little movies/memories come up so I focused on them bc it was hard to focus on the other feeling.  Maybe 5 different memories came up and then I found it difficult to know which memory to work on next, things came up about my sis and my dad and another old bf too.  So do I keep going back to that feeling of wanting him to call? or are those memories also being cleared.  I know it is working but am unsure if I am making progress.
    Also, right before he left and got married to someone else, I was the thinnest I had ever been.  The weight was just falling off of me, I was exercising regularly and eating less but it wasn't a struggle.  My sis had a nervous breakdown around the same time and my mind linked up that it is not safe for me to lose weight/be thin.  How do I work on that.  I feel like it is more of a belief than an emotion (in my mind these issues are all related bc they happened within the same few weeks).  Logically I know this is not true, however emotionally my body is keeping me fat to keep me safe.  i have the click tracks about weight loss and food but when I tried them before I didn't make very much head way.  Should I focus on the abandonment at that time when I listen to those too?
    Thank you for all of your help
    Melissa

    #24918
    Peter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi Melissa

    Logically events may not be connected but they probably are emotionaly. Your subconscious is not logical. Waiting for your boyfriend to call and it never happening would lower your self esteem/self worth. This is likely to be associated with any other events in your life that have had a similar effect even though they have no connection in time or place or with any other person/s. This would be why all kinds of negativity come up when thinking of those times. This would be why it would be a good memory to Click Track. However what made you susceptible to this low self worth probably happened earlier. I suggest going back to the earliest time that you can recall and Click Track that first and go forwards from there.

    Self worth is about control or the lack of in your life. Seeing your Sister having a breakdown could well leave you feeling helpless and unable to do anything. Your partner running off with another woman would leaving you feeling worth less.

    Forgive me if I am off track here but… do you feel any guilt about maybe driving him away or perhaps your own low self worth being noticed by him if not yourself at the time that led to him finding another? Guilt that if might be your own fault, even if it isn't would stll need to be Click Tracked.

    I believe your weight problem will resolve itself when the other is sorted out.

    Does this give you a guide as to what to look for and Click Track?

    Peter

    #24919
    melissa6b
    PSTEC User

    Thank you for your help you are right on with the assumptions you are making.  I will click track on the guilt, worthlessness, and for me “not feeling good enough” was a big one.  When I click track on one memory a lot of other ones come up too, I hope that means this is clearing.  I'm just confused now because I know I'm not good enough is a belief? instead of an emotion, but if I click that he left me for another (because I am not good enough) that is what I would focus on to clear those feelings?

    #24920
    Peter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi Melissa

    “I'm not good enough” if you find yourself saying such to yourself, is a belief which might be caused by someone telling you it is so, particularly parents. However it is also associated with the feeling of being worth less/useless/helpless/small/less important/powerless/out of control. This is the feeling to Click Track it will be associated with many memories choose the strongest/clearest memory to start with.

    These memories are likely to also have anger or guilt attached, just hang on to the memory while you CT not just a single emotion.

    Peter

    #24921
    melissa6b
    PSTEC User

    Thank you so much so it is ok to focus on a memory even if I cannot hold onto the feeling?
    One more question would I be able to use the wrapper and bundle all those memories together with my ex and knock them out?
    I really appreciate your help I had also written about nausea and I think maybe all the click tracking in the last few days kind left a heaviness in my solar plexus it felt like tummy pain and nausea.  It is gone now.  So many memories come up when I begin to click track one and I know it is my subconscious  helping me but I'm not sure if they are gone all the way at the end of the click track or if I should try writing every thing that comes up on a list and click track those one at a time separately.  I am experimenting and am excited as I feel very calm and my mind is very quiet which is unusual for me but a good thing. 

    #24922
    Peter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Hi Melissa

    “OK to focus on a memory…” Yes absolutely!

    “…use the wrapper…” Yes again!

    Use 2015 a few times and see how it goes. Yes some experimentation is good, but give each “experiment” a fair trial first, before trying something else.
    Yes also take notes and write down ideas to CT later.

    You are doing great, keep on Clicking.

    Peter

    #24923
    Paul McCabe
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Melissa,

    What Peter suggested will really help. One thing I wanted to add (and I hope this is ok with you, Peter):

    In the Advanced audio, which I have listened to a lot, Tim mentions “emotional pyramids” and cites a similar scenario to the one you presented here – a lady struggling to comes to terms with her relationship breaking down.

    Without going into too much detail here, what worked most effectively in the example Tim give was focusing on and then CTing the residual love/desire the lady had for her ex-partner.

    That was the starting point. It brought down the whole “House of Cards.”

    The key thing to note is that PSTEC can detach any unwanted (i.e. not inherently bad) emotion from memories/events. It could be that, if you have not resolved the original feelings, they are continuing to support the problem. I understand the break-up was very abrupt and this added to your sense of loss.

    In your particular case, Melissa, it might be worth seeing if you still feel any sense of love/desire for your ex-partner (it is possible to hold something subconsciously, even if you consciously disagree with the suggestion), CT those away systematically.

    After doing this, then you could continue working on the more conventional/obvious negative emotions – fear, regret, sadness etc.

    I do hope this helps and please keep is updated on the thread.

    Paul


    Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

    http://www.lifestyleforchange.com

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    #24924
    Peter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Melissa, Paul

    If following a break up you focussed on your partner while Click Tracking, the dominant feelings are likely to be the negative stuff. However if you feel any love and desire then that will also be delinked from the memories. If you really want to remove the love from memories of the good times then this suggests to me feelings of low self worth made worse by the break up taking over in the form of jealousy and retribution. The jealousy is what needs Click Tracking not removing the old love. There is not enough of that in the world.

    Peter

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