Painful Marriage

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  • #21560
    Avatarstndrd
    PSTEC User

    Hi,

    My wife and I have purchased the L1 and Accelerators products to try and help us through a very tough marital issues.

    As of a several months ago, she had signed divorce papers and wanted to move on. We have 3 children (13, 10 and 8), BTW. We weren't' living together, and then completely out of nowhere she contacted me (about Feb/Mar) and said that she wants to work things out completely with us. The divorce was rescinded and we almost immediately moved back in together.

    She has issues, more so in the past, but are still strongly there, with being to close to me, or with just the scent of me (both of which make her feel sort of panicked) (and no, it's not that I smell bad ;-)
    Besides this, things actually, over the last few months, were really improving greatly for us. She is hugging me nearly every day, we hold hands, she flirts with me when were out, have good meaningful conversations, do a lot of things alone, lots with the kids toghether, and have been even mildly intimate (all are a drastic improvement). A connection was truly being made again, and more so recently. I'm not sure if all of the sudden all of these good things are scaring her: in that, for so long she thought she was over me and so the thought of doing well together is scary to her..

    Anyway, as of the last week she has told me, though uncertainly,  she just at wants to just be done. However, as of about two weeks ago, and for a long time prior, she was hard on her self saying things like 'why can't I just choose to love you'  & 'I just want to get past this',and other similar things that had shown she wants to move on together but feels stuck.

    She knows that I'm not adulterous, not an addict, not abusive, a good husband, a loving father, and that I do show her love and care.. I'm not/wasn't a perfect husband, nor she a wife. We've both done some wrong things, but have forgiven each other completely..  Plus we've been together for almost 17 years and nearly all of them were great. So, we have a lot to build on..

    And she knows and states ouright that us all together as a family is the best for all of us, and that a family being together is so very important. Yet, she simply fears that she cannot find love with me, yet she intuits that she could recreate it if she just chose to.

    Going back to how this may relate to her being scared of how well things are going, she is even now starting to back away from wanting to try PSTec. She believes it can work and help save the family, but she is scared to do it (even though she knows it's best for us all to be together). It is kind of like she wants to be rid of these negative feelings towards me/us and keep them to hold us apart…..

    Myself, I'm scared and fearful that my family could be made undone.. I love her and just want to move on, happily together. But right now, we hurt.

    I feel so bad for her that she is going through all of this. I just want to help her and the family.. Any advice how to use PStec to help us would be greatly appreciated..

    Cheers,
    Brian

    #23263
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Aloha Brian,

    The first place to begin is within because the starting place for your experience and perception is from your Mind.

    For you, I would begin with your fears of what may transpire.  As you said, “I'm scared and fearful that my family could be made undone”  The source of cause of those fears is best laid to rest which, when the fears are released, will not only allow your life to flow more steady, but also allow you to be an even greater resource to those you interact with in your family.

    As you know, you cannot control those in your life … in this example, your wife.  So, look to eliminate your fears as the absence of those fears will facilitate a much calmer and peaceful response from you no matter what may come.

    An intense approach is to imagine the worst case scenario … paint it with details … what you would fear most about that imagined event and then notice any non-JEEP feelings coming about.

    Then, use the CT's on that imagined event and any other memories that may come up as the result of that.

    Some would say, 'Hey, I don't want to focus on the worst because if I do it will make it more likely to occur!'

    But, nothing could be more from the Truth… Three points about this …

    1. You are focusing on it to heal … to release … to let go of the fear and be done with it and any other causes to that state of mind.
    2. If the fear is there, then the scenario is already in your Mind and ignoring it will definitely not decrease its effect, in fact, it, most times, will build and expand if you leave it there.
    3. You are not wishing it or even preferring that imagined event.  You are merely removing the fear of it and each fear that you release with the CT's will bring you closer and closer to more clarity than you have ever experienced.
    4. [/list]Regarding your wife…

      I know you are giving your perception of her issues, but you are also involved there so it's difficult to ascertain the Truth of where she is in her perceptions.
      According to your description, she is:

      • Conflicted and not in Harmony within her Mind.
      • Exhibiting some resistance to healing, therefore, there may be some secondary gain to staying the way she is now.
      • [/list]She will have to make the decision to heal, but her path, like yours, must begin from Within and the place to start are the emotions she has about her fears.
        Tell you what, if you wish … contact me through my site listed below and if the two of you wish to chat for a bit, I will help emphasize and suggest a few courses of action.  Also, I will get my wife on the line as well … yes, I volunteer her every so often … and she can provide some insight about some of these feelings your wife is experiencing.
        Remember, Brian, don't try and control the situation, but clear your mind of fears and limiting beliefs so that you can respond with magnificent Love and Grace for you, your wife and your children … no matter what transpires.
        A Hui Hou!
        Jeff

    #23264
    Avatarstndrd
    PSTEC User

    Hi Jeff,

    I really appreciate that you took the time to respond! When I asked for help, I was mainly inferring for myself or that my wife could take on any suggested help (if she so chose to). I wasn't wanting to to fix her – I realize we're both in need of working on ourselves to help the situation… Anyway, she has decided to leave and file for divorce and so I'll be working with PSTec to work through this (mainly my distress and sadness of what the kids are and will be going through)..

    Regards,
    Brian

    #23265
    AvatarJeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Brian … sorry to hear about your struggles.  I have been through 2 1/2 divorces in the past and, believe me, you can shift and find peace and joy, both for yourself and in helping your children by being the best resource on the planet for them … BEing a Source of Unconditional Love.  That is what they will need for a smooth transition and I appreciate your concern and care for them.

    Look first to those emotional reactions and the source of them within yourself … this can shift your perception and your experiences in the world.  I know it's tough, so do your best ( I know you will  :) ) to keep perspective and use the CT's liberally to help neutralize the various emotions that will crop up.

    When you look for the source of the upsets, it can help you grown in ways you never imagined which can also help your children as they figure out their way in the world.

    Again, I appreciate you wanting the best for your children and for keeping that in mind.  Also, for desiring to work with your own pain and issues.  We need more people to look to heal rather than react out of pain.

    Let me know if I can be of any help.

    Malama Pono!

    Jeff

    #23266
    Avataroz
    PSTEC User

    Hey Brian
    You can use the PStec tracks to help yourself, they always work so make sure to use them as much as you can.

    In terms of your marriage, you can still try to salvage it. There's problems there, however when you moved back in together those problems maybe messed things up. You say you've forgiven each other, but that might not necessarily be true. Maybe for you, but you can't read her mind and maybe she still has some issues there. Hence maybe why she has problems being around you.

    But now you're living apart again, maybe that gives you the space to work on your issues and then maybe you can work towards getting back together. And you can maybe do it in a gentle and sustainable way this time. You might not succeed, but you got 3 kids together and a lot of history, is there really anything that's more worth aiming for? I'd suggest get “How to Achieve Anything the Easy Way” and go for it.

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