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- June 29, 2011 at 10:14 am#21315Jeff HardingPSTEC User
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate your willingness to help me. I have already experienced some success using PSTEC, but I seem to have come to a bit of a halt with it. I've been going through a very difficult time recently, feeling very depressed and particularly, very alone. I have found in the last few days that I can't even bring myself to sit down and do the audio. It seems that whenever i do it, i get a profound sense of aloneness that scares me and makes me want to run and hide. I can see myself as a very little one sitting in a dark cellar all alone and scared and, even though the successes I've had so far have been amazing, i just can't bear this feeling i get so i find that i avoid it.
I'm not in a position to be able to pay someone to help me with the process and everyone i have spoken to about it, although they show interest, they're not actually reading the website or having a go themselves, so i have no one around me that i can turn to either to help me with it.
I find that when i think that now would be a perfect time to sit down and do the audio, I mentally run away from it, put it aside and do something else instead. I think the feeling of being so alone is the major factor here, and as i said, when i'm actually in the middle of the audio that feeling comes through strongly and feels so deep rooted i don't know where to start with it.
And I think i have a deep seated belief that this can't possibly work for me anyway, so why bother with it. I know this sounds crazy when it has actually created great changes in me, but I’m sort of convinced this is just a fluke, or an illusion or that its done as much as it will ever do for me. Especially as i can come up with hundreds of negative events in my life, but can't feel any emotion relating to them. I feel that I’m just no good at this, as with many other things, so i might as well give it up as a bad job!
I'm aware as i write this that all of those things can be clicked on, but if i can't stop myself running away from it i don't know what else i can do to overcome it all. I'm definitely very interested to know your thoughts on this and despite everything I've said, I’m determined not to give up just yet.
Thank you so much.
ElaineJune 29, 2011 at 10:17 am#22349Meghan SaundersPSTEC User
Hi Elaine –
My initial reaction to the words you've posted is RESISTANCE… since you have been making progress with PSTEC, the feeling of 'not wanting to do it' — is your subconscious mind putting on the brakes. The subconscious mind is not interested in change… but — it can most definitely be worked through.
I find that when i think that now would be a perfect time to sit down and do the audio, i mentally run away from it, put it aside and do something else instead.
— this is just a little avoidance tactic that gets triggered for many people. It reminds me of when I had academic exams or a paper to write — it was only then that I was able to clean my room and do all those other things I had been avoiding. I didn't have pstec back in the day — the only way I got it done was to sit down and hunker down.
I think the feeling of being so alone is the major factor here, and as i said, when i'm actually in the middle of the audio that feeling comes through strongly and feels so deep rooted —- i don't know where to start with it.
Have you tried doing CT for just this feeling of being alone? When the feeling comes through strongly — go with it — CT THAT feeling that feels strong and deeply rooted.
And i think i have a deep seated belief that this can't possibly work for me anyway, so why bother with it. I know this sounds crazy when it has actually created great changes in me, but i'm sort of convinced this is just a fluke, or an illusion or that its done as much as it will ever do for me.
So, this resistance & questioning — this 'change' can't really be from this clicking and tapping can it???????? These thoughts are actually a quite common experience for people who start to feel a change. It is funny how we second guess our efforts and when we feel something is working we — FEAR the change that we actually desire — does that make sense?
Especially as i can come up with hundreds of negative events in my life, but can't feel any emotion relating to them.
Please think of 1 specific negative event from your life — write down as much detail as you can from the moment the memory starts to where it ends —- how would you describe what happens for you when you think about the details of this negative event????
I feel that i'm just no good at this, as with many other things, so i might as well give it up as a bad job!
So can you think of other times in your life when attempting to do something new where you have felt like — “I'm just no good at this”???????? It would be a good idea to write down as many of these kind of memories as you can — and try to go back as far as you can to THE FIRST TIME you felt this — just not good at it feeling.
I gave Elaine the example that I had to work with. My brother is 5 years older than me and as a child I did not understand what 5 years — developmentally — meant. As a child I could not understand why I was not as good at or as fast at things as my brother. So — I was extra hard on myself all the time because I was never as good at anything as my brother, I wanted to be and I could never understand why I wasn't as good… usually, I would GIVE UP on trying.
In my adult life I find practicing a skill you want to be good at — is necessary in mastering any skill. LOTS of practice. This Click Tracking — well I am not positive that it was 'made to be fun' — but — we can make it a whole lot more FUN and a lot less daunting if we just show up to practice… and see what comes out of skill building. My personal belief is you cannot do helping yourself work WRONG & that you can only hone your skills by consistently showing up to practice. Don't make me say practice makes _________ …… but it does!!!!!!
despite everything i've said, i'm determined not to give up just yet. AWESOME!!!! Keep showing up — keep doing the work.
The forum is filled with lots of Q's & A's from people who have been using pstec. I would type in key words that apply to your situation —- resistance, procrastination —-> into the search area and read through similar experiences to your own — there are some great discussions already in place.
Please update us with your progress — Meghan
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