Trying the new PSTEC tools
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Paul McCabeHi Dominance,
Thanks for your post and your update.
With regards to the “CT vs belief work” question, it can be useful to mix up the type of tracks you use – so some CTing, some BBs, some PQT. Variety can work so well.
There is, of course, no “one size fits all” answer. Emotions create beliefs and beliefs create emotions, so all the tracks have their place. However, if you are being guided to the belief-based tracks, you may wish to pursue that approach. Certainly, it will mean you will not need to tap for awhile.
Again, in keeping with the “no one size fits all” approach, using a Belief Blaster and then following up with PQT tends to be extremely effective. However, sometimes using either Belief Blasters OR PQT can be very effective on its own. You will know this yourself and will be able to assess it.
One approach that can help pinpoint a belief is to look at your behaviour and feelings and then asking “what would I have to believe about myself, that person and that situation to feel and act that way?”
Then fill in the blanks here:
“I am…”
“She is…”
“She thinks…”
“He is…”
“People are…”Hope that helps,
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
DominanceSo in taking the feedback from what i've been doing, i'm altering things a little. It seems that doing a belief blaster and pqt once isn't enough. I'll do it and usually a few days later it kicks in briefly.
I did a belief around being comfortable with rejection, and at the gym a few days later I felt more drawn to say some things to girls that I wanted to but wouldn't. I had a strong feeling to do so but fear stopped me, unfortunately it didn't last too long.
I come across what I feel was a major belief around feeling like I wasn't worthy as a man come up, and ALOT of intense emotions connected to it coming up while clicktracking. I decided to use bb/pqt on the combination of beliefs 3 days in a row. It kicked in pretty well for a bit, now i'm not sure but the belief statement still repeats in my head. So i'm thinking it's that there is other beliefs connected to the issue.
Yesterday during alot of intensity during the clicktrack another big belief popped into my head that I was never wanted. Alot of stuff around bullying and being abandoned.
I decided to alter my practice instead of just doing it once, that each belief combination I come up with (as i'm doing the belief blaster and pqt in combination) i'll do for 3 days in a row and see how that goes. That's where i'm at.
But a frustration. Doing the processes i'm feeling that i've come up with some deep, intense stuff, especially the 2 beliefs i've mentioned that come up. And clicktracking alot of intense emotions. But in some ways I feel like i'm becoming worse. I've been going out most weekends which I haven't done for a long time, as a friend has been wnting to. And it's kind of feeling like each week it's harder to talk to girls. Especially tonight, I really was struggling to even be there but I made myself put in an apperance. Lasted barely a half an hour and left.
It really seems like i'm making progress with the strong intensity of what's coming up, and the beliefs I identified that are pretty core ones.. but then in the world i'm not really seeing evidence of the progress. It's kind of disillusioning as in the end i'm not doing this for the sake of going through intense emotions every day, i'm doing it for results and to change positively.
I also noticed an old pattern coming up earlier in the week around that. Usually i'll start a new method and get initial good results and go strong for a while, say a month or two. Then i'll seem to go backwards and feel like nothing has shifted and i'll start telling myself and feeling like it isn't working at all, then i'll give up and just go onto the next method and repeat the same process.
I did have 1 day rest as I did a PEAT session with someone that I thought would be good to have time to process. And I was able to notice my pattern coming up telling me that it isn't working and trying to get me to stop PSTEC.
Interestingly when I then went and did a clicktrack some pretty intense emotions come up again around self sabotage.
Sometimes it feels like a neverending process of facing this intense stuff all the time, and feeling like i'm making progress but not seeing it that much in the outside world. And it mkes me want to just throw everything away and not bother.
I'm interrupting the pattern this time and continuing PSTEC. I'm doing a little bit of other methods to assist, but not in the way of stopping PSTEC completely then just moving to another method for the sake of it like in the past.
Brian TuckerIf the BB is not taking out the belief on the first play, one of two things are happening.
1.) You are not getting to the root belief. Please post the beliefs you are working with perhaps we can offer some advice.
2.) You have a larger anger/resentment/shame issue in the way of that belief. Most often it's shame (toxic shame) in self-worth beliefs. Until you remove the shame in your life completely you will always struggle with self-worth and the beliefs will be stubborn to get rid of.
Russell CronbergDominance, I just wanted to take a moment and personally thank you for posting your journey with the BB and PQT tools. My situation is VERY similar to yours in that I was bullied in my younger years and I have a lot of shame and insecurities around my masculinity and attractiveness towards women.
I've been doing some work with both tools around beliefs relating to my distrust of other men (they'll pick on me, harass me etc) and also my deservingness of the type of women I truly want in my life.
I think Brian's reply may be the missing puzzle piece for me as I have been seeing limited results when working on the individual specific beliefs. It feels like now I've always intuitively known that I've been trying to fix a symptom rather than the root cause but I couldn't quite articulate it.
Brian, could you please list some examples of limiting beliefs that would be related to toxic shame?
Brian TuckerThere are a ton but they are at the core you are not ok, not good, bad, wrong, defective, shameful, humiliating as a person (not as a behavior though you have liely been humiliated a lot or humiliated yourself) and then it spawns from there. I'm sure there are others here who can go deep on this subject and I certainly encourage it.
I find the anger and shame are all twisted up and support each other. I find the shame further holds all the self-worth, fear etc beliefs in place. I don't know of a book that describes this. This is my personal experience and I am only suggesting this as a way to look at it from the fastest way to deal with it. I had to “feel my way through it” LOL Just getting anger to release can be a pain sometimes depending on what you believe about anger or what caused it. Shame will often trigger severe rage so dark and deep it can be scary to release.
So many people don't know they have shame or they deny it because IT IS PAINFUL and then wonder why they are in so much pain and stuck. If you want to be free you MUST be 100% honest and open with yourself. There is no way around it. Shame can come from something as simple as your mom giving you a strange look when you wet the bed or saying “shame on you” for playing in the dirt or running outside naked as a little one and you don't even remember it.
Same as a lot of people here say they have approach anxiety or social anxiety but what they actually have is “Avoidant Personality Disorder” however that is just a medical definition. That's the beauty of PSTEC. You only need one thing – a feeling – and that is it!
What they have is a cluster of beliefs that causes them to act a certain way and a big part of that is social avoidance all the way to Agoraphobia. Toxic shame is a big cause in APD and until that is resolved no sense starting on the other core beliefs because they all stem for the shame.
Paul McCabeHi Rucron,
Thanks for your post and for sharing the work you have been doing.
As Brian mentioned, shame and anger can be very corrosive and are certainly worth resolving. With PSTEC, of course, you have different ways to address these types of emotions and the patterns that support them.
As well as what has been suggested, you may wish to complete the following sentence.
“People would think less of me if they knew I…”
If you really drill down on this, you can find out what really “shames” you.
You might even feel a sense of shame for “being bullied”, “having this problem” and things of that nature.
Another one that might be worth exploring is times when people have lied about you, or spread gossip about you. A lot of people feel a fusion of anger, shame and embarrassment for being accused of things they have not done.
It would be helpful to know which beliefs you have been working on, as I have found that sometimes the beliefs being addressed are “pattern descriptive”, rather than “pattern causing.”
For example, “I am uncomfortable when approaching people” is pattern descriptive, whereas “It is dangerous to approach people” is causal.
“Insecurities around masculinity” sounds like a “not enough” pattern, and people who have been bullied can certainly have this self-concept. It can be held as “there is something wrong/weak about me”, rather than “the bullies were out of order.”
However, to expand on the earlier point, this does not have to be a long process. You can tip the balance very quickly when you pinpoint and eliminate the causal beliefs and emotions.
I hope that helps, Rucron. Please keep the thread updated with any questions/concerns you have and any progress you have made.
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
Russell CronbergThanks so much Paul for your reply! After reading both yours and Brian's insightful posts, I think I have an idea of where I need to focus my efforts. Brian really got me thinking about toxic shame and I've been reading further about it and it almost feels like everything is written with me specifically in mind
If I had to break down my issues into simple groups they would be:
1. I must be perfect in everything I do in order to be loved/accepted/wanted. Perfection is the bare minimum, starting point. I can easily trace this to my childhood where anytime I messed up, acted out or otherwise behaved poorly my mom would first berate me with her explosive anger about how badly I screwed up and then when that was over she would withhold all love, attention and communication for some time (i.e. the silent treatment).
2. As a child I was never allowed to get angry or stand up for myself within my family. If I did show any kind of a temper I was immediately overwhelmed by my mom's temper and subsequent silent treatment from point 1. I think this played a large role in my problems with bullies as an adolescent and even in my thinking to this day. My general feeling is that I am completely “at the mercy” of everyone who wants to harass me, say whatever they want to me etc. There's this strong feeling, like a wall, that I cannot “fight back” or stand up for myself and if I did I would be hurt/killed/overpowered etc.
3. My relationships with women have been hit and miss and even though I have made tremendous progress in my adult years, I still feel embarrassed (shameful?) about expressing my sexual desire towards women. Again, I can trace these feelings to childhood. I remember as a small boy saying how I thought certain girls were cute and my entire family teasing and laughing at me followed by whistles, catcalls and “woooh hoos!!” which absolutely humiliated me. I also have an older sister who would routinely shame and ridicule guys who showed any kind of sexual interest in her behind their backs. I would constantly hear “ewwww what a sleazy creep!” anytime a guy talked to her, asked her out etc.
4. I should note too that my dad was very present in my life though he worked a lot and was somewhat quiet and preferred to sit back and let my mom run the daily home life with my sister and I.
Finally, I've been able to have many productive discussions with my mom about the points that I mentioned and to her credit she's apologized and made huge strides in changing her ways. Still, the damage from my early years remains in the form of many limiting beliefs.
Brian TuckerThanks so much Paul for your reply! After reading both yours and Brian's insightful posts, I think I have an idea of where I need to focus my efforts. Brian really got me thinking about toxic shame and I've been reading further about it and it almost feels like everything is written with me specifically in mind
If I had to break down my issues into simple groups they would be:
1. I must be perfect in everything I do in order to be loved/accepted/wanted. Perfection is the bare minimum, starting point. I can easily trace this to my childhood where anytime I messed up, acted out or otherwise behaved poorly my mom would first berate me with her explosive anger about how badly I screwed up and then when that was over she would withhold all love, attention and communication for some time (i.e. the silent treatment).
2. As a child I was never allowed to get angry or stand up for myself within my family. If I did show any kind of a temper I was immediately overwhelmed by my mom's temper and subsequent silent treatment from point 1. I think this played a large role in my problems with bullies as an adolescent and even in my thinking to this day. My general feeling is that I am completely “at the mercy” of everyone who wants to harass me, say whatever they want to me etc. There's this strong feeling, like a wall, that I cannot “fight back” or stand up for myself and if I did I would be hurt/killed/overpowered etc.
3. My relationships with women have been hit and miss and even though I have made tremendous progress in my adult years, I still feel embarrassed (shameful?) about expressing my sexual desire towards women. Again, I can trace these feelings to childhood. I remember as a small boy saying how I thought certain girls were cute and my entire family teasing and laughing at me followed by whistles, catcalls and “woooh hoos!!” which absolutely humiliated me. I also have an older sister who would routinely shame and ridicule guys who showed any kind of sexual interest in her behind their backs. I would constantly hear “ewwww what a sleazy creep!” anytime a guy talked to her, asked her out etc.
4. I should note too that my dad was very present in my life though he worked a lot and was somewhat quiet and preferred to sit back and let my mom run the daily home life with my sister and I.
Finally, I've been able to have many productive discussions with my mom about the points that I mentioned and to her credit she's apologized and made huge strides in changing her ways. Still, the damage from my early years remains in the form of many limiting beliefs.
Very normal in today's society. You definitely have a fear of making mom mad and/or upset – that it's not safe/ok because you depended on her for your self-worth and approval. TO get that back on track you had t be nice/good/loyal/giving etc. This translates to ALL females in your present reality especially intimate relationships.
Your dad was emotionally absent to you and you depended on your mom to learn all of that stuff so you learned it in a feminine energy. Therefore you primarily operate in a “feminine” energy. I could go on and on about this but this is something you will need to resolve.
You are embarrassed about expressing your sexual desires in the home. I'll take a guess but it probably was taboo to talk about sex in your home. CT feelings of no talking about sex w parents – not safe to talk about it, secretive, bad, embarrassing, shameful, humiliating, awkward etc.
More time out of ten it all goes back to mom and dad. I repeat. More time out of ten it all goes back to mom and dad. What you saw, what was done to you, what you didn't see or what you lacked.
As for your mom apologizing…that is an absolute waste of time and won't change anything so don't bother. The issues you have are yours now. That's like calling and old girlfriend up 20 years later and saying I'm sorry. It doesn't resolve anything and only reopens the door for them causing more pain. Take responsibility just as you have been for them and resolve them in you.
You just laid out a load of stuff in this note. CT IT ALL TO A ZERO!
You are doing great. Keep going.
Russell CronbergThanks Brian, your assessment of my situation is spot on. In terms of my mom apologizing that's something that already happened and I only include it to provide context that we have a great relationship today and both of my parents are extremely supportive of my dating and making my sexual needs a priority. They were my most devoted supporters when I left my sexless marriage six years ago but that's a whole different story. Regardless I've forgiven them for what happened in the past and they were doing the best they could with the tools they had at the time. I take full ownership of my “stuff” and how it affects me today.
With that being said, I want to make sure I understand your advice as far as how to address this going forward. You mentioned CT'ing my feelings of embarrassment, shame, etc. Would any of this be a candidate for the BB and PQT?
DominanceI haven't updated for a while. But PSTEC is going well for me, I may update at some stage.
Mainly posting because this is something that's really frustrating. I know not to use PSTEC on sexual turn on because it can get rid of it, but the problem is a few times when clicktracking and thinking of girls it kind of come up, and sometimes it pops into my head without wanting it to. I try to refocus, but it seems just thinking of it briefly has a negative effect.
Initially when this happened I had RAGE come up intensely, annoyed because I don't want this to happen, I don't want it to come up during a clicktrack and don't want to clear it. My strategy I come up with was to instead refocus on that rage. The rage was so bad I actually wanted to punch myself in the face.. sounds crazy and not something i'd usually do but that shows how intense it was.
I seem to have mostly got past the issue of sex coming up during clicktracking, now that rage doesn't come up and I can more gently refocus, but just having it come up for a few seconds seems to affect it negatively as I said.
Now my sexual response is noticably worse, finding it more difficult to get turned on, and a few weeks ago was with a woman and it both took me longer to recover. There was some frustration around that.
I don't know what to do about this, the qigong i'm doing was bringing up sexual energy and I was starting to get more turned on in general, then when it come up during clicktracking the qigong isn't getting that response at all, so I worried i've screwed myself up.
Anything I can do about that? I just had a woman over and it was similar to the other weekend, now that she's gone i'm starting to feel depressed and down on myself about it.
I can also say in the past after giving up porn, the times my sex drive has started to kick back in there's some kind of weird fear or something that makes me just want to get rid of it.. one reason for example is because if i'm not seeing anybody at the time i've had a tendency to sleep with someone I don't really want and then regret it because of that.
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