Unsure of where/how to start

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  • #21511
    Avatarxoa
    PSTEC User

    I'm usually feeling pretty down, because of a relationship I've recently come out of, one of the closest ones I've had. I'd go into specifics but honestly right now it's a bit difficult to delve that deeply into my head. I want to understand this currently problem first.

    My issue is that whenever I start enjoying myself, laughing at something on tv, having a fun conversation with someone, feel good from working out, see something inspirational, etc. My brain immediately tries to subdue that feeling and makes me feel that that good feeling is only distracting me from my real issue. My brain sorta says (not literally) “you're only doing this to forget that girl” and immediately brings me back down.

    Or if I see a woman I'm attracted to or someone says something that appeals to my sense of humor (few things do), it reminds me of my ex's physical attractiveness and personality, and brings me back down from that momentary good feeling.

    This is a real problem, because it does this when I attempt to use the clicktracks to deal with that past relationship. For example, if I use the clicktracks to try to solve a fear of rejection/abandonment/etc, my head sorta stops me midway through the tracks (as soon as I start letting go), and gives me a sorta “you're only doing this to get over her” feeling and ruins everything.

    It's a bit difficult to explain, but I think my mind has somehow managed to associate feeling good with the negative feelings that I had with my ex. Whenever I get some sort of relief (with the clicktracks, for example), it immediately brings those feelings back.

    I'm not entirely sure yet, but I think this stems from the fact that I got to witness how she dealt with issues. Our relationship started immediately after her having a break up with a person who was extremely close to her, it was a bit scary to me how quickly she got over him in favor of me (I guess I'm afraid she'd get over me just as quickly despite how close we were). I've seen her liven up quickly after having fights with other people (I've seen how happy she gets talking to a friend after having a fight with me). Maybe her ability to move on quickly makes me upset?

    Actually, thinking even further, I had a lot of jealousy towards nearly everything that she was better at me in, during the relationship. There were lots of instances where she demonstrated she was a better human being than me (more intelligent, quicker learner, more ambition, generosity) where I felt jealous and I may have even tried to demean her in some cases. I remember scolding her for donating blood because I felt jealous about the fact that she was a better citizen than I was (and yes, I deeply regret doing it). I think throughout the middle of the relationship, a lot of the things I did were to “beat” her in some form rather than to benefit myself. For example, I forced myself to make friends that I didn't really want because I was jealous about the fact that my ex was more social than I was.

    I guess I'm a bit jealous about the fact that she doesn't have to browse the internet for countless hours in order to solve her emotional problems like I do.
    My past has been relatively healthy (including previous relationships). I've only experienced this type of jealousy with her, and I'm not entirely sure why that's the case… but I suspect it's also something that I have to deal with to make sure it doesn't happen again.

    I think I may be getting closer and closer to the root of all of this, but I'd like some guidance on where to start to make sure that I can make use of these resources without these limiting thoughts hindering the process.

    #23097
    Avataroz
    PSTEC User

    This is a real problem, because it does this when I attempt to use the clicktracks to deal with that past relationship. For example, if I use the clicktracks to try to solve a fear of rejection/abandonment/etc, my head sorta stops me midway through the tracks (as soon as I start letting go), and gives me a sorta “you're only doing this to get over her” feeling and ruins everything.

    Remember, the click tracks work on literally any negative emotion. If it's negative you can click it away.  You can run the click tracks on the “you're only doing this to get over her” feeling and click it away.

    Going further, if you get pstec positive you can instill new beliefs. For example you could instill the beliefs “It's ok for me to feel happy” and “It's oke for me to move on”

    Actually, thinking even further, I had a lot of jealousy towards nearly everything that she was better at me in, during the relationship.

    If you are feeling jealousy towards any other human being and comparing yourself to them then that is because you are insecure. If you were happy with yourself and who you are you wouldn't need to make comparisons with other people.

    #23098
    AvatarPeter Bunyan
    PSTEC User

    Xoa
    Oz is spot on the Click tracks can remove any negative feelings from past events. In this case I believe you said it yourself, Jealousy! From what you have said this appears to stem from loss of self esteem where your girlfriend was better at you than something. If you can remember any particular incidents where you felt particularly jealous then this would be a good place to start with the Click Tracks. Leaving these jealous feelings will taint your memories of this woman forever unless you do something about it, which is sad if you also had good times and you shared part of your life with her. Some sort of competitive element arose with your relationship which may have been used unwittingly against you or perhaps her superiority offended your masculinity? Look further into you past perhaps times when you may have been heavily put down in front of your peers by a female teacher perhaps, possibly a  sister or even your mother. If you can remember such things then here are more incidents to Click Track on.
    I hope this helps
    Peter

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