Reply To: PSTEC for suicidality & bipolar

4/25/19
The death wishes have come a lot more often this last week 1/2.  Yesterday I was so worried and distracted that I got very little done at work and less at home.  (Thankfully my boss didn't notice or really care & I did do a piece of art that is related to the summer reading theme.  I didn't do housework, but the kids and I had a bike ride & some nice times.)

When I finally took alone time at 8 PM I tapped on “feeling helpless” with the cost of health care- natural & preventative and Sarah's mouth breathing…

Then I did “feeling scared.”  I fell asleep during this.  Woke up turned it off and took a nap.  I wanted to do more but instead I was refreshed enough to function.  The rest and clicking restored me to read 3 chapters of our story (something I rarely do.)

This morning I woke up prayerful and thankful.  Living in fear was clear to me, just like Kasey Musgraves “Rainbow,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSEnvguvuK0.  Everything is fine, but I've been panicked out of habit.

It's my day off so i have time to tap and catch up on the house.  I thought that Sarah's mouth breathing isn't an immediate problem and we'll get it under control in the next year.  Yes I want it done now without spending a fortune. ($3,000 palalte expander, $250-$400 for allergist appointment +$60 per alergy test, $100 for natural health, $50 for chiropractor energy work that we are waiting to reopen).  Yes I'm unsure what will work and if we're spending the right place.  Yes I'm in a hustle about insurance… but we'll get it under control.  With her using essential oils instead of antibiotics for her sore throats we've made a great improvement in the last 3 months.  With her waring nose strips some nights we've made another and we are on the path the fixing the rest.

Clicked on needing a new furnace and medical cost.  My husband isn't afraid of either.

As it got close to time, I got anxious about visiting Grandma (my goal at 2:00)
BB-I didn't have time to do what I enjoy