Things you used to love doing becoming a choir
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Brian Tucker.
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- Daniel Wynn
Hi Guys
So the things I used to love doing, and I just did naturally have become more of a choir now and I am having to force myself to even begin doing those tasks. I often don’t even end up doing them and put it off for days. It doesn’t feel natural anymore. It feels like the more I try to get myself to be productive in that regard the more it feels like a job and less like something I love. I have been using PSTEC tools for a couple weeks now on this particular issue (and referencing to a decision chart I drafted of action and inaction) to try to reshape everything. I don’t feel like it’s even procrastination I almost just feel as if I lost the love and spark I used to have (Although I know its still there deep down). Even things that don’t have much meaning to me, but I know will benefit me, I don’t do. How do you almost get yourself to want to do things like that. Say for instance (and I don’t have this problem but just an example) I wanted to spend 30 minutes every day reading informational/learning books. I have tried doing things like “I read 30 minutes everyday BECAUSE its good for me” etc with not much substantial change. Things are changing, maybe it’s just going to be a slower process and I’m okay with that. Just wondering if there is anything in particular I could try.
Thanks
Paul McCabeHi Daniel,
Thanks for posting.
I would recommend looking at when the “chore/can’t be bothered” (my words) feelings began. Did they begin during the coronavirus lockdown, or do they predate that?
There may be other stresses, strains and moments of overwhelm interspersed there. In any case, I highly recommend running a CT or two on the actual feelings you get when you think about doing certain tasks. This will take any emotional “sting” out of it and, when feeling more calm or neutral, you will be in a better position to make the most appropriate behavioural decision for you.
If, for instance, you need to complete paperwork and know you “should” do it, it can be very helpful to run a CT whilst looking at the paperwork and trying hard to feel the sense of “obligation.” No matter what the task is, you can substitute “paperwork” for what it actually is and what it represents (e. g. workout equipment, a book).
Doing the CTs will take the edge off and may even make the tasks feel like less of a chore and more of an inevitability… or simply “no big deal.”
You could also check in with the following beliefs (say them out loud in the present tense) and if they seem or feel true, blast them with the Belief Blasters (http://bit.ly/beliefblasters):
– “Everything was pointless”
– “Nothing good was ever going to happen”
– “I was lazy”
– “I was not natural”
– “Life was a struggle”
– “Everything was a struggle”
– “I couldn’t do things I didn’t enjoy”
– “I had to do everything perfectly”
You could blast each belief that resonates with you. Even one belief per day would make a huge difference.
You can also layer in some PQT suggestions like:
– “Everything is getting easier the more I relax now”
– “No matter how I feel, I take control of my actions”
– “Every day, I am becoming more natural”
– “I now feel greater control taking actions that benefit my life”
Before running the PQT, you may wish to imagine the positive impact these suggestions would have on your life.
I hope this is helpful, Daniel. Please feel free to dialogue about this and please do keep us updated on your progress.
Kind Regards,
Paul ?
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
Daniel WynnHi Paul
Thanks for getting back to me. I hope you are keeping well.
Those feelings and the problem itself was before the coronavirus came about, but I think it almost just added more weight to it.
I haven’t used the click tracks while actually having the thing I want to do in front of me so that would be worth looking at. I have definitely used the click tracks on the problem before in the past. I don’t really feel very emotional about it. It’s like, I don’t think of working out and get into a blind rage, or become upset, or worried. I just don’t really care about it very much. I do feel a bit let down when I don’t do those things, and have worked on that in the past but then I still don’t do those things and I just don’t really care about the fact I didn’t do those things lol.
I made a start on the beliefs you listed.
“Everything was pointless” rang out to me a little. “I had to do everything perfectly” did too, half way through I felt like getting rid of that belief wasn’t really at the core of the problem though.
“I had to do everything perfectly” – If I didn’t then what? It’s almost as if there is something behind it but I’m not sure what. If I don’t do things perfectly, then …….
Do you know what I mean?
“life was a struggle” felt real too.
On the positive side. The belief “No matter how I feel, I take control of my actions” felt as if it would be half way there to being believable so I had a go with that, and it does feel stronger to me now. “I now feel greater control taking actions that benefit my life” also did but not as much as the other. The other two didn’t seem believable to me. Do you think I should soften them or go straight in with them?
I have tried in the past let’s say for example with reading. To set aside 30 minutes every day to read an informational book. I downloaded an app that I can track my habit, set everything up. Then it would be ok for a little while, but every-time I would just trail off and end up not doing it. To be honest, I feel as if I just want to do those things because I WANT to do them, NOT because there’s a reminder on my phone telling me to do it. Things become more like a chore, and it is a real battle to build a habit up naturally. I also have a lot of difficulty concentrating too, so my mind darts around everywhere and I cant have complete focus on one thing for very long. Which makes doing tasks pretty difficult, especially when you need to focus. I am not as bad as I was, but it’s still an ongoing problem. For things like meditation, reading, etc where you need focus it can make it difficult.
Thanks, Daniel
Daniel WynnAnother example, and one that I actually do have a lot of issue with is Reading my Goals. I have what my ideal life would be written out on paper and I would like to read it every day morning and evening. It’s the same as everything else, I don’t feel overly emotional about it, I just can’t be bothered to do it. I see the benefit in it and would like to do it for that reason, but when It comes down to it I get distracted and other things take over etc. Another one is cleaning my teeth lol. At times as bad as it is, I just don’t brush my teeth before going to bed. I get into bed and then remember I haven’t cleaned them and cant be bothered to get out of bed at that point. It’s not like a massive problem or anything, I don’t get hysterical about it. I just would like to do it without even thinking about it, same as everything else. All of these things collectively add up. I do get a lot done. I know I’m not lazy, I’m always busy doing things. I just can’t work out what it is thats causing these problems.
Thanks
Daniel WynnThinking about the problem today, I have realised I actually feel how I do with a lot of things no matter the size of the task. Obviously some things have more importance than others, and effect how I feel about the problem more or less. I always have a lot on my plate and I wonder if it’s a case of there is so much to do and I don’t even want to get going because maybe its too overwhelming all the time? I’m not 100% sure but I feel like I’m in the right ballpark with what I think about it now. I also find things a massive effort in general, nothing ever seems to go smoothly for me in that regard, and there always seems to be complications. Something that should take me an hour or two ends up taking most the day. So I’m guessing it’s like a control thing, and feeling like I’m helpless to get things done (Although I don’t feel that strongly about it, it still makes sense?) Thats something else that springs to mind too.
Thanks
Paul McCabeHi Daniel,
Thanks for your updates. I am sorry for the late reply.
I think you are onto what is happening, so I really appreciate you taking the time to enquire within. It is all programming, so you can also CT any experiences you have had when:
– you worked hard at something and did not get the results (or credit) you wished to get. Go back as far as you can: early childhood, then school, then work…and even PSTEC.
– you have felt overwhelmed (or just the feelings of overwhelm, in general)
– seeing other people in your life working hard at things and not getting the desired/deserved results. I recommend thinking back to early experiences in your family where you saw or heard about this happening. It is all programming.
The point you made about having to be perfect makes absolute sense, as it would seem that doing things perfectly is your strategy. Beliefs are self-reinforcing.
You may wish to blast the belief I suggested and PQT something along the lines of:
“Even if I do things imperfectly, it makes sense to keep going”
Also, based on your most recent post, sometimes the language we use gives a hint of beliefs we possibly hold on a subconscious level. So, you may wish to BB these:
– “Nothing ever went smoothly for me”
– “I was helpless”
– “I had no control”
When you consider these in isolation, an expectation that things will not go smoothly would likely create a resistance to taking certain actions and bring up thoughts like “what’s the point?”
It can become self-fulfilling and self-reinforcing. Therefore, even though you wouldn’t have consciously decided to hold such beliefs, it is definitely very useful to eliminate them.
Hope this helps, Daniel.
Please keep us updated.
Take care,
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
Daniel WynnThanks Paul
I just realised my auto correct kept changing CHORE to CHOIR haha.
I’ll take all of that information on board Paul, and carry on working away at it. I think things are actually starting to shift. Obviously some things just take longer to change don’t they.
“Also, based on your most recent post, sometimes the language we use gives a hint of beliefs we possibly hold on a subconscious level. So, you may wish to BB these:
– “Nothing ever went smoothly for me”
– “I was helpless”
– “I had no control”
When you consider these in isolation, an expectation that things will not go smoothly would likely create a resistance to taking certain actions and bring up thoughts like “what’s the point?”
That 100% makes complete sense to me. I feel like that is literally it. In theory it resonates with me, again I don’t feel overly emotional about any of this but it definitely hits a nerve with me intellectually. I think having a better expectation would lead to a more willingness, I know there are things that do go smoothly for me. I just need to re-focus my thoughts towards that because after all nobody can ever know or predict the outcome of a situation but I’m pretty sure having a good intent will carry you further than a negative one. When I look at the belief “Nothing ever went smoothly for me” it feels like its hiding in plain sight. It’s like I have no real feeling about it, it’s almost just a matter of fact. It feels like there is no other alternative. It isn’t as strong admittedly with that one but something like “everything was a massive effort” that feels like 100%, I feel like I don’t know any different and it confuses me lol. How do you deal with that?
Thanks for your help, Paul
Daniel
Paul McCabeHi Daniel,
Thanks for your reply.
I thought “choir” was an autocorrect play. In any case, I would never make a “song and dance” about it. ?
Apologies for the bad pun.
As for the beliefs, they do not necessarily feel heavy or painful. Some do. Some do not. What affects one person will feel vaguely uncomfortable for another – especially as we have strategies for dealing with beliefs. Beliefs tend to be self-evident and just feel true when we consider or say them.
That “truth” can feel really painful, or kind of flat, or even just elicit a sense of “of course!”
Clusters of beliefs feed behavioural and emotional patterns. So, the beliefs you cited (and any core ones underneath them) will sustain one another. “Nothing ever goes smoothly for me” would sustain “everything is a massive effort.” If you are expecting things to be tough, you would also expect that a massive effort would be needed. Then, you make a massive effort and it sustains the experience of it not being smooth.
An effective strategy, therefore, is to blast each belief that feeds the pattern. As well as those you discovered, you can ask “what would someone have to believe to have that experience?”… and see what else comes up.
I suspect there will be more core beliefs under the surface – beliefs about yourself, life and struggle.
A common belief many people hold is:
“You have to work hard to make money”
Some people do. So people do not. Therefore, it is certainty not a universal truth.
When running the Belief Blasters, try hard to believe the belief. Doing so usually incorporates trying to feel the feelings. However, if you do not feel particularly upset about the belief (even when saying the statement out loud), you can just try hard to believe it on a more logical level.
Getting rid of these beliefs creates more possibilities.
You can also layer in PQT suggestions that make sense to you. There are suggestions that just make sense:
– “The more I relax, the better I feel”
– “When I approach my tasks with greater ease, the struggle goes away”
– “When I enjoy what I do, everything flows smoothly”
– “If things seem difficult, I get further by remaining calm”
I hope this helps, Daniel.
Please keep us updated and, of course, continue to dialogue.
Paul ?
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
Daniel WynnHi Paul
Thanks for your response.
I thought “choir” was an autocorrect play. In any case, I would never make a “song and dance” about it. ?
Apologies for the bad pun.
That was funny, and it really left me on a high note when I read it so thank you lol. (excuse my bad pun too)
I have been digging into things a bit further, and chipping away at it. I completely agree if I keep thinking everything is a massive effort it just keeps going round in circles, because when I go to do something it “feels” like a massive effort at the time and with that it keeps me locked in. In a way it sort of makes it a self fulfilling prophecy. I’m still not 100% sure what is keeping things going in this way to be honest. I think things are easing up a little though.
Now when I think “nothing ever went smoothly for me” I feel a little cheated, like “life is unfair”. Now that’s another belief that is underneath it? So what do I do here, because in reality I could spend days and days if not perhaps weeks or more going round all the negative beliefs that could surface from “nothing ever went smoothly for me” before I ever had any solid sense of change. For instance other ones that pop up could be.
“Thats just how life went”
“Nothing goes smoothly for everyone” (how are you any different)
“You just had to get on with things”
I could be here for a while listing things but you get the point. Then the ones I feel are attached to “nothing went smoothly for me” for instance “Life is unfair”
“I couldn’t get ahead”
“Good things just don’t happen to me”
“Theres nothing special about me”
“I don’t deserve to have a good life”
Again, I could be here for a while listing loads more.
Would the idea be to spend such an extensive amount of time removing ALL of these connected beliefs before getting any real change in my life?
I feel like and not just with this belief in particular I just go around in circles, and never seem to get a fully sustainable flip on a habit or way of thinking.
In reality with regard to “nothing ever went smoothly” I would really just love to get on with things. Some things aren’t too enjoyable like dealing with emails, or responding to people, or sorting out boring things like paperwork (that need to be done). But, in all honesty I do feel as if things are becoming more of a drag these days.
Again, I see the great benefit in meditation, and I know consciously that doing ONLY 10 minutes of meditation every morning can make a massive difference. But, Im just not bothered about it. If I could just change the way I think or feel about it and do it anyway I know I would feel better about life. It is really ONLY 10 minutes, I know that logically, I know its not a big chunk out my day, still I cant get the subconscious to respect that.
It’s the same about reading my goals. I know that it ONLY takes perhaps 5-10 minutes to scan through my goals. I actually am doing it more often recently but it would be amazing if I just didn’t overthink it too much and just went ahead and did it, because I know from a logical perspective in the long run it can benefit me greatly if it became a continuous habit.
I get it though I’m not wanted to be fully enthused about everything I do in life lol. Some things are just what they are and need to be done. I just want to have a more willingness to do things in life because I know logically how much they would make an impact to my mental health and wellbeing.
Any input would be great.
Thanks,
Daniel
Brian TuckerHi Daniel – Often times you can eliminate many big issues by simply delivering a few positive suggestions to shift what you believe about your emotions.
I will always completely relax when I feel emotions now
I am always completely calm whenever I feel emotions now
I am always completely safe every time I feel emotions now
Try all three one time each with PSTEC Positive Quantum Turbo 15 min track and see where you land.
2x or 3x each will certainly be better.
Be sure to listen to long relaxing accelerator when you are done with each session if you have it.
One more cool one… I will automatically release any emotions that make me feel bad today.
Enjoy and have fun.
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