Reply To: Don’t Feel
Jeff HardingHi Jeff,
Thank you.
Yes, I DID allow and feel that.
A little story here.
About 3 months ago I woke up with a very sore lower back.
I could hardly get out of bed.
Being the lower back, I knew that it had to do with support.
I tried EFT on feeling like I wasn't getting the support that I felt that I needed.
That didn't help.
As I looked deeper I found that it was really about not asking for support.
When I tapped on all of the reasons that I didn't ask for support having to do with all of the messages from the past the back pain went away.
The big message that I got from that is that it is OK to ask for support.
For most of my life I have been the poster child for Simon and Garfunkel's song “I am a rock, I am an island.”
If I needed to I could do that for the rest of my life.
I don't want to.
I spent time working on finding my little child.
I coaxed him out of a deep dark hiding place.
I have spent time with him to get him to trust me.
It took a long time for me to get him to even let me hold his hand.
I did Matrix Patterning with someone and had my little child visit his grandfather and ended up with him sitting on his grandfathers lap and just being held for a while.
That never did happen in real life but he loved it.
No, the subconscious mind does not know the difference between imagination and real memories.
He didn't trust because no one was ever there for him.
He was accident prone because the only time his mother paid any sort of positive attention to him is when he got hurt. That is the only time he ever got held or heard.
Let me see if I am hearing your advice right here.
I realize that I may be misreading it.
“So, look at those thoughts of having to do it on your own and also upon the emptiness that you feel and allow the feelings to come through and then also allow the memories to surface so that you can run the CT on them.”
I don't like the idea of always having to do it on my own.
Maybe if I tap on it long enough I can reach the point where I will be OK with doing it on my own for the rest of my life.
The emptiness feels like crap (Being polite here).
If I tap on it maybe the emptiness will be acceptable.
I have spent a lot of my life not reaching out because I never trusted that other people would be there for me because they weren't.
If I tap long enough maybe it will be OK that I don't reach out or that I don't trust or that they weren't there for me.
I'm sorry but none of that sounds real good to me.
If that is what I wanted I could go off and be a hermit somewhere.
And I've done that long enough within my own self.
My goal now is to be able to be emotionally open.
I want to be able to feel joy just as intensely as I felt that anger.
I want my kid to be able to go beyond just not hurting.
I want him to be happy.
I AM going to reach out to other people and connect with them on a deeper level than I have for a long time.
I have the tools to deal with any negative that comes up for me.
I AM going to allow other people to come deeper into my life without being dependent on them.
Those are the things that I am going to tap on with the PP.
Things like:
ALL of my emotions are safe.
I CAN be very open emotionally.
I deserve to have good connections with people.
Other people DO want to be there for me.
I have a GREAT support group.
My inner child IS safe.
I have the ability to deal with whatever comes up as it comes up.
Many people want to be in my life in positive ways.
And the list goes on.
Will I make mistakes?
Most likely yes.
I can tap on those as they come up.
Is it possible I will get hurt sometimes?
Quite possibly yes.
I can tap on that too.
Will I feel happiness sometimes?
One would hope so.
Will I feel alive?
YES!
And THAT is the most important thing.
It's time for me to tap down the anger and tap in more positives.
YES we ARE having fun now.
I DO accept the gift that my subconscious mind id giving me and I do give thanks for it.
I am returning the favor by becoming more alive and open.
What better gift could I give it or myself.
Let me know where I am misreading what you wrote to me.
I will talk with you soon.
Russ