Reply To: Procrastination

Jeff Harding

    You asked: Here's the ultimate test though, Dixie… Are you moving in the directions of your purpose or desires with more ease?

    Not fast enough to suit me. I compare my very worst with your very best. My best is never good enough. And I have trouble “resting” where I am. So quite honestly, no matter how much success I have, it will never be good enough.

    And I have no idea where that comes from. No memory. No incident. Nothing to hang on to.

    Just listened to the Wil call. I don't have the same oppressed feelings that he has. Instead, I have a malaise, or lethargy, rather than some kind of anxiety. More of a depression, I think.

    And yet I can't tie it to anything. I beat myself up for being lazy, but I know that is not the truth. But I can't pin it down to anything. I don't have a fear of failure — I fail every day! The more I think about it, the more I believe I fear success, which is what leads to a self-sabotage.

    I am so sorry to keep posting so much! But things are coming up!

    I do have a fear of success. So I just ran Click Track 1 and what came up is that I am afraid of my own power. Afraid I will win and then lose (whatever I gain). I'm afraid that I will found out to be a fraud in the end.

    I don't have a memory, though. These are just thoughts that interrupted what I started with, which was “I am afraid to be successful.”

    Off to do more clicking! :D