Reply To: Ethics? Religion? Faith?
Jeff HardingAloha Paul,
Thanks for writing and being so very transparent about your challenges because it will be very helpful to others that face similar situations and issues… again, mahalo!
I am not sure I see a question in your post, so I will just go with my na'au (gut instincts).
I appreciate your tirade and one good tirade deserves another… here we go… 
Let me put your mind at ease about being a “cold hearted bastard”…
Letting go of your definitions, conclusions and ideas about Life is what will free you up to allow the Reality of Life to flow through you… to allow you to live in J.E.E.P. (joy, enthusiasm, excitement, peace) most of the time… dare I say, “All the time!” 
The “natural grieving process” is, for the most part, something that many people have attempted to define and although in many cases it was an attempt to be helpful, sometimes those definitions can create an environment that is restrictive and even imprisoning.
When you are at peace within, you respond to Life in the most natural ways.
As you let go… as you clear… using tools like PSTEC; you will be more and more able to allow the Natural Flow of Life, including grieving, to be your experience. In part, because what others think of you will not be important. What will be important is what you think of others. So, as you clear using the PSTEC Click Tracks, you will find yourself able to not only act, but to also BE True Forgiveness and Love for everyone.
Ok, but that might seem like a bit of a tall order at this time, yeah?
Let's start here…
Forgiveness and Love of Self… that's what you will be working on, but, first, you begin to shift your Mind Model (MM) of Reality that is in place. This is the MM that tells you things like (quoting from your post)…
- looking like a cold hearted bastard, which I feel like anyway,
- my self destructive patterns,
- I had to hate my sexuality so I isolated myself from my peers, both good and bad
- I just burried my feelings.
- I still HATE MYSELF to this day.
- fear of feeling good about myself, or having vital energy, or enthusiasm for life.
- etc.
[/list]This is just a construct of your mind that was put together mostly when you were young and then ratified over and over again in your life. PSTEC is all about shifting that MM… shifting your perception… shifting your experience.
For instance, here is a specific example of your perceptions…
“Have you noticed with Human Nature in general that when things are going great in peoples lives, that they don't have too much to do with God, and it's mostly the poor folk, the down troden, are the ones that are meek and humble and close to God?”
To tell you the Truth, Paul, my experience is not the same.
Now, part of the reason is the definition you were taught or programmed around the word “God.” I am not saying you have to get religious, just the opposite, but these various emotional experience, the linguistic lessons you were taught and then your subsequent observations from that point of view that ratified your programmed perceptions have led to a view of “personal reality” that is NOT empowering.
What I am saying is that as you clear and let go of the past with PSTEC, then you will find another “part of you”… another aspect of your Mind that is magnificent… a part that it nothing but Empowered and Unlimited… I call it your True Self!!! It's there… it's your birthright, Paul. You have just forgotten and those in your past shared a lowly opinion of themselves and passed that on to you… programmed you. PSTEC will help you to deconstruct those errors in thinking that you took on from others.
Now, it's your turn and your opportunity to shift that…
Look for atonement instead of absolution because absolution involves guilt and guilt demans punishment.
Allow me some leeway to be bold here, Paul…
You have punished yourself enough and, by the way, you did not deserve it. Time to stop that way of life and time to begin to clear things up… meaning: let them go and discover another way of Life… another experience.
I know you are ready, otherwise, you would not be posting this on the forum.
The devil is in succumbing to something that is devilish… meaning not of Love.
So, moving into Self Love… Love for Your True Self… now that is heavenly… that is Truth and Reality.
It's time to let go of what is bringing pain and allow what heals pain… let's get there and start with this one Fundamental…
If you are not feeling JEEP, then pull out the Click Track and clear it… just start with the memories that come up, for example…
- I was beatin' when I was 9 years old for having my first hard-on
- two weeks later was molested by a freak with tits
- brought up in a broken, disfunctional family, also sheltered, christian, up-bringing…
on this point, look for specific memories that represent those aspects of life when you were young.
[/list]Most of all… if you are overwhelmed and feeling truly stuck, look to get some help on this from the PSTEC Register as someone will be able to sort these feelings and events out for you and help yo target them more effectively. Plus, someone else will keep you on track and remind you that you have a birthright awaiting you… one of peace and joy.
Aloha nui!
Jeff
PS You cannot Truly Fly, Crowbird, until you let go of the weights holding you down… and, in Reality, they are only holding you down for as long as you hang onto them… let go, my good man!