Reply To: Could this be too effective initially to work when really needed?
RHTWHi Peter,
Thanks for your very detailed reply, and for your questions.
Regarding the adrenaline rush, it is very much one of fear rather than excitement. Whilst I appreciate that excitement can bring similar physical effects I can safely say that if I won the lottery the excitement would be still only be around half of the rush that this fear induces.
I've considered before the issue of what bothers me about public speaking and see it as;
Fear of being looked at (how other people see me)
Fear of my voice sounding shaky (Sometimes the adrenaline means I am taking a breath at the wrong time or failing to take a breath)
Fear of going red and blushing
Fear of being judged
Fear of feeling panic
I'm not sure why but over the years I seem to have acquired the ability to cope better with and eliminate the feelings from past events and experiences.
I can relate this also to a very different situation. I remember once doing a skydive and on recalling it even years later I would be conscious of my heart racing massively. That no longer happens when I think about that event. It is very similar when I try to recall the public speaking situations. I have written down about 12 different events in the past where I have had to do public speaking of one sort or another and none bring on any strong emotion when I consider them now.
(This may indeed be from some of the other therapies I have tried in the past.)
I do still from time to time get a random recollection of something that may have embarrassed me or angered me in the past and can get so involved in it sometimes that I can vocalise some of my concious thought at the same time without realising it immediately.
I would say I do have other social anxieties but not as strong as the public speaking one. All tend to relate to how I believe I am perceived by other people.
If I have to travel somewhere new I don't worry so much about getting lost as I do about getting stuck in heavy traffic or steering into the wrong lane.
I have had myself arrive at the front of a new building and have been worried about where the correct door is in case I try the wrong one and people inside see me making this mistake.
If I am having a conversation with someone I know in public, I will go silent if someone else goes past until they are out of earshot again.
When I was in primary (junior) school many years ago, I remember being in a community quiz team and making it to the finals. I would have had to answer questions in front of many other people and mostly strangers. I don't remember this bothering me. (Similarly though today, if I was sitting in a group of people and someone asked me a question it would not really bother me either).
I remember doing school plays and whilst perhaps not really enjoying performing in front of other people I don't remember being particularly scared or worried.
When I got to secondary school, I do however remember several issues where I had to speak and would have been very nervous and uncomfortable. I can't recall an event that happened in between that would have been a trigger for this.
I have certainly (figuratively) moved from the front of the class to the rear as time has gone on.
Hope this maybe gives you a better insight into my situation.