Reply To: How would I find Primers for this?

#24873
Paul McCabePaul McCabe
PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

Hi Boobinsko,

There are two ways to tackle this. Well, there are probably more than two ways, but I recommend using both of these approaches to start with.

1) You can prime the counterexamples on the conscious level. Do you know it's the TRUTH that people laugh behind your back? Have you seen it? Do you have any evidence to suggest that people are laughing at you or mocking behind your back?

Just as you can't find proof for it, you can't find proof against it. To a large extent, it is something you either extrapolated or imagined.

You don't know you are being laughed at for sure, so you can use this lack of certainty/evidence as a counterexample. “Even though I have heard these people mock others behind their back, I don't know for sure they do that to me.”

2) Whether you have any evidence or not, the idea that people MAY be laughing at you behind your back is troubling for you. It's a fear of some sort.

So whether or not it is happened, proceed as though it has. Technically, it is an imagined fear, but is probably quite real to you. Work with this. Use the CTs and try to hold on to the thought and emotion of people laughing at you behind your back…as you CT. As ever, aim to CT down to 0.

Take your time with it – what are you worried they are laughing at? This is usually another pointer on what to work on.

If someone was worried that people would laugh at them for the way they spoke, looked or acted, then this would suggest that the person actually needs to feel better about those things. That is a good starting point, in my opinion. Feel good NOW.

It does not mean that those things cannot be changed at some point too (we change inevitably and quite profoundly,  if we work effectively on our mind model), but feeling happy in yourself (without being preoccupied with how others perceive you) and still accepting there are things you would like to change is a nice balance. It frees you to be the person you desire to be.

Paul


Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

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