Reply To: I can’t change my programming
the long term results i want is to be socially confident with all people and not feel any anxiety or fear whatsoever about anything. If i gave up the feelings then i would not be unique and that means i would have to fit in like everyone else and i would forget my true purpose for my existence here which is to be self realized and reach the highest state of awareness through kriya yoga. but the mind is holding me back with all these fears and desires at the same time. i know the goal is to know god but the mind is still making me want things that a normal human wants. so it is a battle between my soul and mind. which leaves me confused most of the time.
I have downloaded the files and will listen to wealth of abundance, but i experienced a bad situation recently where now all my classmates i talk to and work with are now avoiding me so now I am on my own. because i have so much anxiety and fear of even saying hello or hows the work going because i feel so rejected and worthless the other person must have told my classmate that i just ignored her and now they are not talking to me which i beat my self up on because all i had to do was say something and this situation where now going into University will be hard because i am going to see them around. but those feelings now are at s solid 10 for a long time now and brings back many memories and i feel overwhelmed because with pstec you only work with one thing at a time and the wrapper track doesn't really work because it is click track 2015 that is being played for it. I am back to fastereft as it looks like the changes can come but not experienced anything major yet. But at the same time my gut is saying im not supposed to try to change but my mind wants to change because of these feelings and emotions that are not nice. so i am very confused.
Also about not wanting to forgive my father is right because i feel he deserves to experience the pain he caused me so i can't forgive him until he knows what i experienced. but what do i do about that?