Reply To: Flakes

Paul McCabe
PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Truman,

    Thanks for the update.

    Agreed with Brian there. That is a really good strategy and I am only posting with a few possible add-ons.

    You could ask “what did it mean about me and that other person when they said we're not compatible?”

    See what thoughts come to mind. You could run the Accelerator on that very question.

    It may well transpire that the meaning you've given to “we're not compatible” is “I've been rejected.”

    A meaning like “I've been rejected” is likely to produce different thoughts and feelings than, say, “I've had two dates that didn't turn out as well I hoped.”

    Say “I've been rejected”, while thinking of these dates. If it feels true, you could come up with some alternative interpretations.

    Imagine a few different ways of interpreting these events.

    “Maybe they said we weren't compatible, because they didn't want me to say it first.”

    “Maybe they secretly wanted more commitment from me and said they didn't want a boyfriend to test me…and that's why we weren't compatible.”

    “Maybe they thought I wanted a girlfriend, and they just weren't ready for that, so they rejected the IDEA.”

    “No-one can actually reject me. They just made a decision at the end of the date.”

    “Maybe I wasn't compatible with those girls, but thay doesn't mean I've been rejected by them.”


    Then you could run one of the Belief Blasters tracks on “I've been rejected.”

    You might also see if any other beliefs come up – like “I'll never meet the right girl” (“I could never meet the right girl”)

    Let me know if that feels true, so we can come up with some counterexamples.

    Furthermore, “it's like every step that i move foward there's a wall” is metaphorical. Walls can be broken down, redesigned or you could simply climb over the wall. It only seems like there is a “wall”, as you have interpreted it that way. In truth, you have had some dates that have not gone the way you had hoped.

    If you believe there's a wall or a stumbling block, or a hurdle, that CAN become self-fulfiling. If you frame it as “This is just another opportunity for me to learn and grow”, no doubt that will feel different for you.

    If you relax more about the dates and become less attached to how they turn out (you can do this via the Click Tracks), I think you will be very pleasantly surprised.

    Please keep us updated.


    Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner

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