Reply To: More Freedom – What you believe you are vs. what you believe you "should" be
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Thank you, Brian and Paul, for taking the time to respond to my questions!
These are not only wonderfully helpful suggestions but your responses also deepened my understanding regarding how to use the BB as well as PQT in specific instances.
There is only one thing that I would love some clarification on regarding Brian's advice.. I took from Tim's tutorial that when coming up with a sentence to use with the belief blasters it is important not to use anything that was a 'fact', correct? I didn't mention in my original post that I felt indeed ashamed of myself (almost all the time), and that I was shamed by my parents (unless one thinks this is open to discussion and a belief rather than a fact…BUT, I know for a fact that it was their intent to shame me when they told me to be ashamed; they admitted to it, too).
Given that this was the case, I am assuming that some of Brian's suggestions don't lend themselves for use with the BB in my particular case, such as “I had been ashamed of myself”, “I had been ashamed of who I was”, and “People who loved me had shamed me”?
You are correct. They do not. If you wanted to install a positive you could do something along the lines of:
I was ashamed of who I was now I'm good now
I'm ok now just the way I am now
I love myself now just the way I am now
I accept myself now just the way I am now
I'm proud of who I am now I'm ok now
Paul has an interesting suggestion pattern he provided to me and I have used a few times myself. Here are examples.
I thought I was a shameful person but I was wrong now.
Other people had shamed me but they were wrong now.
To add to Paul's list, some other beliefs that feed shame. (In past tense already)
I had been a disgrace
I had been a disappointment
I had been bad
I had been a bad person
There had ben something wrong with me
There had been something wrong with who I was
I had been no good
I wasn't a good person
I had been wrong
I wasn't ok way the way I had been
I hated myself
I had hated who I had been
I had been humiliated
People who loved me had humiliated me
I had been an embarrassment
A REALLY good one is: I had been ashamed of being ashamed
Even… people who loved me had been ashamed of me or others had been ashamed of me
The list could run long and deep. Unaccepted, worthless, unloveable, defective, broken, flawed, mistake etc. I'm certain if you work on these above you will see a major shift. Once that happens you will likely realize even more in yourself.
There are so many ways to go after an issue with the various tools.
It is always a good idea to get really extremely angry at feeling shameful while clicktracking. Shame carries a load of anger and rage. So it can be much easier to clear it out when you address the anger and rage with the CT because it will hold the shame in place.
Even the most stubborn issues will finally clear if you do a round where you have a tantrum (in your mind) about 1.) how freaking tired you are of dealing with that issue. 2.) how freaking tired you are of worrying about that issue. 3.) How sick and tired you are about feeling the way you do. Use expletives, cry, really get into it as much as possible.
Just keep doing the work and keep going.