Reply To: More Freedom – What you believe you are vs. what you believe you "should" be
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Hi Clearingman and Lee,
Thank you for posting.
You are right, Clearingman. This point was not stated in the instructions, yet I do appreciate what Lee is referencing.
Beliefs usually feel like the absolute truth with lots of “evidence” to support them. Some beliefs, however, lie far beneath the surface and we may not be consciously aware we believe what we do. They do make sense at the time they were formed, however.
It can be very effective to look at context. “My parents were ashamed of me” – in all contexts? Because of a certain behaviour? At a certain period of time? Or all the time?
With the factual aspect of things, I prefer to find out the beliefs that contribute to the pattern rather than phrases that just describe the emotional experience.
Imagine someone had a fear of public speaking. Beliefs, expectations and emotions will create this pattern.
Just trying to eliminate “I was terrified when speaking in public” is unlikely to do a lot to shift that experience. As much as it can be, it is a “fact” that the person felt terrified.
You are not trying to argue with your emotional experience, or trying to convince yourself it was “just excitement.” Strangely, I've read a few books that suggest doing that, but I don't think it's the most effective approach.
A much better approach is, of course, to completely decondition the terror and eliminate the beliefs which contributed to the terror.
Generally, the sort of beliefs feeding into that particular pattern are about self-concept, the opinions of others, making mistakes and about public speaking itself (e.g. “Public speaking is terrifying”)
With regard to the “fact” your parents were ashamed of you, Lee, you can still resolve this issue.
Suppose it was an absolute iron-clad fact your parents were ashamed of you. What did you feel when that was said or the way it was said? What did you believe about yourself as a result of that?
You can take all the emotional charge out of this with the Click Tracks.
PSTEC is not about pretending things didn't happen or weren't said. All manner of cruel and vicious things can be said and done, and this technology will enable you to truly empower yourself and get a full resolution. I suspect your parents were not in the best place to have said these things to you. They may have had their reasons for saying what they did, but you were let down, I would contend.
You can use some of the beliefs already suggested and you may have others like:
“I wasn't enough”
“I wasn't loveable”
“The world was a cruel place”
“I was a disappointment”
“I didn't belong in this world”
Just because your parents had an extremely critical way of relating to you, it does not mean that everyone is like that. Most people aren't. Also, just because someone says something critical, it doesn't make it true and many, many people have experienced tremendously cruel and unwarranted insults.
That is not to take away from what would have been an extremely painful situation for you (and anyone in such a situation).
I absolutely know you can still prosper, irrespective of what your parents said or did.
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
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