Reply To: How to structure beliefs correctly to stop thinking about ex
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Hey Paul and Brian thanks for your responses.
I think there probably were a few underlying beliefs as you mentioned Paul.
I do want to be clear I am actually feeling quite good about the whole thing at the moment. A couple of months ago I actually started to feel like I'm finally getting over her and then I discovered PSTEC and probably about a week ago I done the free click track and was amazed at how it neutralized the negative feelings and then got the EEFs and used them on certain painful memories/fights/situations and feel good.
There hasn't been any of the emotional or painful memories since I started using PSTEC like replaying old scenarios in my head, that was all before PSTEC so I am hoping they are gone. The only thing that still really happens is things will remind me of her and I'll be like damn I thought of her again but I'm finding there isn't really much of an emotional charge behind it.
I just started doing the belief blasters today, the ones I used (which may not have been in the correct format) were:
I couldn’t let go of her
I couldn’t get over her
I had thought about her everyday
Things had reminded me of her
I had missed being in a relationship with her
I couldn’t move on from her
I had been scared of never hearing from her again
I couldn’t get a girl as hot as her
I couldn’t get a girl hotter than her
I couldn't get a girl as cool as her
I couldn't get a girl as good as her
(I replaced her with her actual name when doing the tracks)
We lived together for 4 years and were engaged. To explain the breakup…
It started 3 months into the relationship when I found out she had been sleeping with another guy and me at the same time when we first met, before we were officially together.
Blast the beliefs:
I had been betrayed
I had been wronged
Others should be faithful
The issue was that I had asked her about this at the time and she said no so we became official and 3 months later madly in love and had just moved in together and I come across dirty emails from her to this guy and I match up the dates and from there it pretty much done my head in (oh how I wish I knew about PSTEC then haha). I made the mistake of thinking if I slept with someone else we would be even and I would feel better, which it didn't and just made me feel guilty. Then about a year later she found out and that was pretty much the beginning of the end.
I had to get even
I had to get revenge
She moved out suddenly which caught me off guard and about 6 months later we properly broke up. Because I'm not from the same country I flew home. This was end of 2014.
Blast I was abandoned
We agreed to wait a few months and get back in touch and see how we felt, so we did and we both decided to get back together. She was going to come and see me.
Except it dragged on and on where she would tell me she was coming and then I wouldn't hear from her and then we would skype and it would be all good and this dragged on through all of 2015. Which I had then found out she had a new boyfriend during that time.
People took advantage of me
People let me on
Others should be honest
So in 2016 I flew over there and she had a different new boyfriend but we talked and decided we would be together again, she would pack up and move back to her home town I wold fly back home get things organized and then fly back over and we would be together again. So at this stage it was all good, she did move back to her home town and we were making wedding plans.
So at the start of 2017 I flew over and lived with her for 3 months but it was horrible, she wasn't interested in me at all. We slept together once during the whole 3 months and I found pictures on her phone in bed with other guys, I found male sex toys in the bathroom, she was always working extremely late and she was also on tinder.
It obviously didn't work out so I flew home and we properly broke up May 2017. I was pretty much a mess after that, even messaged her a few times wanting to get back together. Then I found out she had a new boyfriend about a month after I left.
By the end of the year I had started to accept the fact it was over and was seeing other girls but nothing serious.
We emailed a couple of times and it was nice but I found myself checking my email a million times a day to see if she had replied. I last heard from her about 8 months ago, she didn't reply to my last email.
A couple of months ago I moved and started getting out there and going on dates which has helped a lot but she was always still in the back of my mind so I was extremely happy when I tried the free click tracks and they worked.
An issue I have had was thinking I would never get a girl as cool and as attractive as her, as she was objectively very attractive and I find myself comparing her to other girls I'm seeing and then feeling bad when they are not as good.
I would never have found love again
I wouldn't ever have been that happy again
Even when sleeping with other girls I'm comparing their bodies to hers and on occasion I've had to think about my ex to actually finish.
I also had this fear of never talking to or seeing her again, I think I got comfort in the thought that we could still be friends and check in with each other and see how we were going but I haven't heard from her in ages. She also has my dog which sometimes I miss.
Like I said I only discovered PSTEC about a week ago so the majority of all these thoughts and feelings are pre-PSTEC but I definitely want to move on and just feel ok with everything.
I think I'm on the right track but I would definitely love any advice on what to do next.
I don't really feel sad or hurt anymore I kind of just want to move on, I'm sick of it being an issue I'm more excited to use PSTEC in other areas of my life I just want to be done with this part but I want to make sure I “fix” it properly if that makes sense.
Again thanks for all the help.
Also apologies for the super long post.