Reply To: Pleasantly Surprised Newbie Needs Advice, Please
In response to your question, I was probably asking about using statements like, “What if it's safe to feel good now?”, but honestly don't remember exactly what I intended. To catch up:
I’ve used PSTEC tools, mostly Click Tracks, for the past 2 1/2 months. At the beginning, it was difficult. I didn't want to ask questions that were already answered, so I roamed the forums a lot ??? . Very helpful!
Still, it felt unnatural and illogical to allow a really bad feeling to gain power over me—to invade—and then decide to allow myself to experience it willfully and on purpose. Even after using Click Tracks successfully a few times in early August, it felt more natural to want to avoid or escape the pain than to “try, try, try!” to experience it.
As a person who takes comfort from structure, I attempted to impose order on my efforts (lists of beliefs, methods of approach, scheduling what I’d do when, do I need a spreadsheet?). Of course, none of that worked, and the spreadsheet idea (a surprise gift from my subconscious!) was pure comedy.
I did manage to keep a patchy log in several different places both online and off, even though I sensed that the elf inside (who’s wayward and elusive and runs its own logic) didn’t want one. Now I’m teaching it (her?) that PSTEC is a game that helps us feel better when we’re sad and helps us explore our true self when we feel better. And that this game has flexible rules and lots of ways of playing and no losers and no punishments only rewards. (The elf is beginning to trust my intentions.)
The biggest challenge occurred a few days ago. The anniversary of my daughter’s death approached, and this year the grief came early. Each time I sensed it, I used Click Tracks and allowed the pain to build and overflow and own me. Yesterday was the actual anniversary (the 29th; she would have been fifty this year, and I likely a grandmother), yet I was at peace and able to talk on the phone to a dear family friend without pain or regret.
I have several more PSTEC tools now and have begun experimenting with them. And I continue to be truly appreciative of your support and the forum.
QUESTION: Do you have any suggestions for where I could find out more about the subconscious? I’m looking for practical information that’s research-based, not theoretical stuff or voodoo or New-Agey stuff (although that’s not something I’d expect from PSTEC folks!) :
PS For some reason, I lost a couple of lengthy posts previously. Perhaps this system doesn’t allow a lot of editing, but who’s to complain about free forum software that mostly works? Other forum members who find themselves composing more than a few sentences can copy their text, finish it offline, copy it back, then add emoticons & formatting. If that blows up, just copy and paste the original text & skip the decorations.