Reply To: Letting go and moving on
Here are three beliefs that can bring some tremendous relief for this situation. Already in past tense for you.
1.) I was always to blame (for everything)
2.) Everything was (always) my fault
3.) I should have prevented it and I could/must have prevented it
The third one is rather important. When we encounter an unexpected “break” in an attachment, the normal human response is one that will cause panic, hysteria, desperation, anger at others, anger at self, guilt, shame, obligation etc.
Not only do you feel like you should have done something to have prevented it, more importantly you will also naturally try to prevent it from happening in the present to regain the attachment and also continue preventing it from happening again.
It is best to eradicate this belief because not only is it excruciatingly painful, it will keep you stuck and as a result cause all sorts of irrational behaviors.
While you blast these, also think about past relationships where you have had similar situations, including family members (mom and dad) intimate partners and friends.
One of many beliefs that also get tipped to the negative is “The world is a dangerous place” so in past tense “The world had been a dangerous place”
You can also blast “It was my fault nobody loved me” The guilt, shame and self-hatred are rather strong with this belief.
Another great one to CT is the feeling of “being rejected while you are still in love”
Many people are not only in agony, but also feel completely incapacitated due to this extreme level of “romantic” rejection.
There are a certainly few more much larger and deeper beliefs that are behind what is going on. Please take time to do the suggested work and let us know how you are progressing and share what you are thinking, feeling if/when you are comfortable.