Reply To: INTRO. and Game Plan Needed.
Michael BosticSo how to explain the last couple weeks of using PSTEC tools.
Ok for 12 days everything was good using PSTEC (Felt I was progressing). During this time I was working on, what now seem to be trivial issues, past relationship stuff that was right in my face at the time.
The last couple days however the worry is intense, and have been doing all sorts of avoidance behaviors. I think it started when I started focusing on my anger, and now it like my brain is trying to shut me down. I have isolated for 2 days. The shut down feeling is, I am worthless, this is too overwhelming. That’s basically it I guess is that it is to large a task and that I am not worth the trouble, I will fail anyway is the feelings, also some fear of looking at that Anger in me and still feeling like, the only way to do anger is not to let it surface in the first place (and for me that means drinking and isolating). Like if I do anger I will not know how to control it without someone getting hurt or without looking like a fool. To me people that show anger are idiots, childish. Hmm now that I say that I see that is not true. I do not see all anger as foolish, it is appropriate at certain times and to certain degrees of course (in control). My thinking has always automatically lumped the two together. So, I guess my fear is that I will loose control.
Yes that is it, from childhood I cant even connect to why I was angry but, the loss of control of my anger (Blackout Rage) back then is what started this whole “cant do anger thing” it scares me (I will be hurt or others will). Apparently what I call “not doing anger” though, is not what other people see either, they do see anger and it scares most people. In no uncertain terms they know I am angry and I don’t see it. I think I am being too subtle, calm and holding back and also that I am not being heard so then I get more angry. I guess maybe I am trying to control them and when they do not sway I get more angry (I see that as not being heard cause if they heard me they would change there stance, its an argument and I must defend my position, too ridged in my stance).
Well, this is progress and much better than yesterday. This is the hardest part of this whole process is dissecting the thoughts and emotions that cause me to continue to follow the same patterns that have always kept me stuck in the same loops and then also, coming up with the appropriate “Statement” for PSTEC work. Writing has become my greatest tool for this and I make a point of writing daily even when I feel I have nothing to write. Having a forum to bounce this off also feels very reassuring that maybe there is hope I can finally work past these issues. I only picked up your tools a few weeks ago and now if I can stick with it, I see hope.
So, your previous suggestions were:
• CT-Click Track (Basic, EEF, CT 2015 or Tapping Accelerator). “ANGER” I get this one!!
• BB-Belief Blaster “Statement Still Unclear” Statements still elude me.
So Maybe?:
1. “I used to be out of control”
2. “I used to feel out of control”
3. “I was not important”
4. “I used to feel I was not important enough to be heard”
5. “I used to feel worthless”
6. “I used to feel overwhelmed”
7. “I used to feel something bad is going to happen if I get angry”
• PQT-Positive Quantum Turbo also, “Statement Still Unclear” Statements still elude me.
So Maybe?:
1. “Maybe it is safe to feel anger, as that will help protect me”
2. “Maybe it is safe and helpful to remember my childhood fully now”
3. “If things seem difficult, I get further by remaining calm”
4. “No matter how I feel, I take control of my actions”
5. “I can successfully express my anger without loosing control”
6. “I can express my anger and still let others not agree with me”
Thanks Again
Michael