"able to" ???

[Sindee Lee GillespiePSTEC User]

Hi –

With a series of “I haven't been statements” a few that pop up have “able to” attached to them, as in “I haven't been able to _____”.

I perhaps am not seeing the forest for the trees and yet 'when arguing for my limitations' adding the words 'able to' somewhat seem to cement that “truth” for me.  Not an example of a belief I'm blasting and yet what feels like a truth to me “I haven't been able to leave my residence for 14 days because of the hurricane”.

Another I'm not using and yet very much which feels like a truth/fact is “I haven't been able to persuade my friend to fly to Fiji”

So I'm wondering if adding 'able to' is unwise given the way it possibly supports the belief?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

With appreciation,

SLG

[Brian TuckerPSTEC User]

Ask the next level question – you couldn't leave for 14 days because of the hurricane. What was the issue with the hurricane? There was no issue with the hurricane…it;s “out there” and there is nothing out there. What is it in you? e.g.

I didn't feel safe?
I was in danger?
I was going to die?
I was going to get wet?
I was lazy? I had to do my hair?

What were the root reasons? What did you think and feel would happen to you if you left?

“I haven't been able to persuade my friend to fly to Fiji” Again ask why? BECAUSE

I am stupid?
I can't convince anyone?
I was afraid?
I hate fiji?

[Paul McCabePSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator]

Hi SLG,

Thanks for posting.

I agree with what Brian wrote….

Also, make sure it is an actual belief you are working on. What effect would eliminating something like “I haven't been able to leave my residence for 14 days…” have? Do you think it would change anything in a significant way?

That is worth considering when working on a belief, I would contend.

According to whom have you not been able?  There is a huge difference between not feeling able to do something and not being able. Just because something did not happen the way you desired does not mean it never would or could.

So, specificity in your language will help. Your friend did not come to Fiji. That does not mean your friend never would or could. It does not necessarily follow that your skills of persuasion are lacking.

What do you believe about the hurricane and your friend not flying to Fiji at this time?

You can work on uncovering the beliefs, blasting them, and you can also CT the unwanted feelings…as I suspect these are more accessible to you. If you feel fearful of the hurricane and its possible consequences, CT it. If you feel disappointed that your friend is not flying to Fiji, CT it.

Paul

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[Sindee Lee GillespiePSTEC User]

Thank you both for the replies and additional aspects to consider!

The two beliefs I posted were not ones I needed to clear — I just used them as example statements.

With appreciation,

SLG

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