ENRAGED by my negative belief
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ArryaI've found PSTEC to be miraculous at first but hit a plateau until deciding to use Negative but am not sure I'm using it properly and might be further embedding negativity. My negative belief is that my panic attacks, depression, anxiety will never get better and, in fact, will just get worse as I grow older and this horrible feeling, this fear of the fear, will last until I can finally die.
As I'm doing the Negative click track I find myself becoming ENRAGED at this belief, realizing the problems it has caused me, that it has sabotaged every technique, therapy, every attempt to get better. It is the core belief that I will never be happy and it feels hopeless.
I find myself imagining tearing into the sentence with Wolverine claws, biting it, throwing sh!t on it, howling with hatred at it, throwing acid at it. I do not believe it is a silly little thing I've told myself, but the hopeless core of my despair and I HATE it!! I come away energized with the rage but it's clear I haven't let it go. There's still more hatred hanging on because this futile despair has ruined my life and I still don't believe it will ever leave me. I can't seem to not believe it because it does make sense, there's every chance it can happen. It is still bigger than me and I am stuck in PISSED and SCARED.
Am I doing this wrong? I don't want to embed it any further, give power to it, enmesh myself in it, but boy oh boy, the anger is deep and I'm definitely not merely mixing up the words and smushing them around, I'm friggin' howling with rage and ravaging it. Should I keep doing the negative around this or use one of the more advanced click-tracks to address the rage? I'm definitely not ready for Positive with this knowledge of hopelessness and despair so aroused. Something tells me acknowledging this rage is right and good but I can't seem to move past it or trust that the violence of my reaction is healthy.
Peter BunyanHi Arrya
ENRAGED!… You have discovered that you thought you were in charge of you, but all this time you were not. Your lowly primitive animal self, not logical, sensible or reasonable was. It's not fair, not right. You decided you wanted to get better, but against all superior sense you still are, not, and no amount of shouting at yourself is going to make any difference. But…
You found PSTEC “miraculous”, let us see if we can make this miracle keep on going.
PSTEC products split into those that work with beliefs (Negative and Positive) and feelings/emotions (the Click Tracks).
As you have discovered your subconscious mind is bigger, faster and more powerful than your conscious mind. It is not logical does not understand negative spaces or vacuums, loves to do what it did before (habits) and always trys to protect you and keep you safe. For these reasons we usually start with the Click Tracks which break the emotional associations/links/connections to memories or fears from future anticipated events. (The future is a bit like a negative space, a vacuum.)You are afraid because you see a future of you not getting better because that is your experience so far and have come to believe that it will not change. This is not logical, you know it can, but have not enough evidence for it to make yourself believe it. “Afraid” and “not logical” so clearly a problem with your subconcsious and so something to Click Track first.
Arrya, are you still with me? You are viewing a future with fear, so imagine that future and run a Click Track feeling that fear of never getting better, or worse, getting worse. Click track it again, and again until the 0-10 count afterwards goes down to 0-1. Use the eefs if you have them.
Next Click Track any remaining anger and frustration at not making the progress you want.
Also start imagining a future where you are better and the feelings of freedom, happiness and confidence that you will have. Keep on imagining and feeling it, so that you pre-populate your future with positive feelings and do not have the time or space for the negative fears. Construct some positive statements to the effect that you could, then can, then will get better because you are taking real actions to make it happen. You are using PSTEC and it has been “miraculous” for you. So it can be/ will be again. Do this until it becomes a new positive habit.
Put PSTEC negative to one side for the moment. I seem to have assumed you have the level 1 package, is this correct?
Arrya, let me know how you get on, OK?
Anymore questions?
PeterDo not let yourself feel that your rage is justified because it is not fair or reasonable. It is born out of fear and frustration and so unhelpful and not healthy. Click Track it!
ArryaThanks, Peter. Yes, I have Level 1 as well as 2015 and the 2 advanced. I have Pain and Anger, etc. I have all the interviews. In fact, I have most, if not all of the click tracks and have been using them daily for about 6 months for all sorts of negative emotions. I have been severely depressed and anxious for much of my life and 4 years ago developed panic disorder and been diagnosed with complex trauma disorder – levels of trauma that go beyond PTSD. I am in therapy and understand the “small bites” concept of PTSD ct-ing. I am on a targeted Walsh nutrient protocol and am studying biochemistry to put the pieces together.
I am not raging at myself, I'm raging at this “thing” that continues to sabotage my life. I haven't done much of the Positive tracks because I understand that clearing the negative by ct-ing comes first. After all this, I was amazed at the rage the Negative tracks uncovered and feel it's a good thing to see this beast up close and personal so I can deal with it.
My question is how to work with Negative or even regular click tracking when this rage takes over. There is simply no way I can do Negative nice and polite when I want to rip the guts out of this stuckness. However, the regular click tracks do not invoke the rage I need to deal with.
So I will do as you suggest with the Positive tracks and lay off the Negative until I deal with these sorta new emotions (I knew I had fury but thought that by now with all the ct-ing I've been doing, it should be getting better. It's very hard to envision 'success' when, as you mentioned, I have so little experience with expecting or receiving success when these extreme reactions are running the show at a very deep level. I will most likely take this to a PSTEC practitioner because of all the complexity. Will let you know how it goes and appreciate your feedback.
Peter BunyanHi Arrya
Your deeply felt fear of change suggests that it stems from some incident or incidents that happened to you when you were young. Moving house, changing schools or something or things where a change really upset you. If you can recall something then it is worth trying to CT that memory in addition to my previous suggestions.
That “thing” is a part of you, so you really are raging at yourself!
Nice and polite is not required for PSTEC work, Set up your Negative statement, feel the rage, and suddenly switch to running a CT on the rage instead.
With the Positive you are not constructing anyone else's idea of success purely your own dream, pure blue sky thinking. Not as something to attain but as if you already were in that position, feeling good. It gives your sub some reason to change rather than resist it. Don't try to give up being “ill” focus on the good feelings of getting/being better. Giving up or change for no positive reason just creates more fear of an unknown future, a vacuum of emotion. Something your sub cannot deal with.
From what little you have said so far, you probably have a sense of low self worth at this time. One thing that I personally found helpful to help build self esteem was to download and listen to “Wealth of Abundance” get it for FREE from my site no email or anything required.
Peter
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