Fear of other’s anger

[Russell CronbergPSTEC User]

Hello, in my continuing journey of “taking out the trash” from my sub using PSTEC I've uncovered another “opportunity” for growth.    All of my life I've tended to be a people pleaser and have done my best to not be offensive or abrasive.  The problem with that is of course my own needs and wants have always taken a back seat and friends have taken advantage of me.

I desperately want to change this way of thinking and I have traced this tendency back to a fear of anyone becoming angry with me.  Even though it doesn't sound logical, if I feel someone is angry at me I'm fearful that I will be physically harmed and it's “life or death”.  If I know someone is upset at me it becomes almost an obsession in my mind that I need to make peace with them and smooth things over.  I've always been told I'm such a “nice guy” but I know this is ruling my life.  I never want to be a jerk but I'd like to get to a point where I put my own needs first and if someone is angry at me…oh well…and I can go about my life without obsessing over it.

What would be the best strategy for using PSTEC on this issue?  Would i simply think of every time someone was angry at me and click on that or would I try to search for deeper beliefs and work on those?  I'd like to hit this at the foundation and just be done with it!

Thanks,
Russell

[Jeff HardingPSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator]

Hi Russell,

Nice question and your answer is already there, so, first piece of advice is to trust yourself… it's true, it actually takes practice because we are so conditioned in not trusting ourselves and looking on the “outside” for the answers.

Which is a nice segue into your question because making everyone around you happy is inside out, my good friend.  #1, you can't make everyone happy; that is a never ending trial… ALWAYS temporary.  #2, find happiness within first and you will find happiness on the outside.  On a side note, as a good friend of mine here on the island says, “There is no out there.” (that's a whole other discussion).

So, yes, as you said,  “simply think of every time someone was angry at me and click on that”… whatever comes up that is similar, jot them all down and run the CT on each one if necessary.

But, begin with the feeling.  When was the last time you felt threatened by someone's anger?  Remember that?  How does that feel… now … as you remember that?  Where do you feel that feeling in your body and what does it feel like… tune into it.

Now, when was a time before that where you felt that same feeling… and before that… and before that?  And, when was the first time you remember feeling that feeling?

Take those memories to your CT work.

Yep, it's that simple.

Aloha!

Jeff

[Author]

Posts