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Trumanwell. i've been CTing on issues like abandoment and anxious feelings towards women in general but I am still creating situations in which women accept to go on a date with me but flake at the last moment.
This stuff doesn't happen on a vacuum but it's iterable. It has been happening since 2 years ago.
I CTed maybe 30 hours in the last 3 weeks but my results still the same.
The results are the same. Women accept to go out and then don't feel motivated enough to show up that day. I don't know if it has to do with my vibe or what. But I am creating this kind of situations over and over and over again.
At the begining I thought this could happen to anyone but I see guys who don't have this problem and stuff happens easy to them.
I don't know what to CT to stop this to keep happening.
Keisar HabtemariamTry the get mad at it technique – where you get mad at the problem.
http://pstecforum.com/pf/social-anxiety/cure-for-agoraphobia-my-treatment-for-the-cause-of-agoraphobia-'get-mad-at-it'/Keep working on your vibe. Detach from the outcome. Your not there to get something from them but to give a good time and to inspire.
Brian TuckerWhen you get mad at it really go wild and as extreme as you can. Also be sure to get angry at yourself. When I say extreme you can even imagine being physically violent with the person. The more extreme the better.
You might also CT the feelings of not being wanted, important, blown off, stood up, ignored, made to wait.
Paul McCabeHi Truman,
Thanks for posting.
As well as the suggestions already given, you may find it beneficial to consider what beliefs might be contributing to this pattern.
Eliminating the relevant beliefs is another pathway to change. There is always more than one and the various PSTEC tools can work harmoniously.
So, you have a fear of being abandoned and experience anxiety around women? There is a part of your mind that knows the cause of these patterns, of course.
Have you ever been abandoned or felt that you were (Click Track that, if you were)?
What might be generating these emotional patterns is a series of beliefs (as well as the conditioned responses). Beliefs feed into emotions and emotions into beliefs, and going after either will impact the other.
You can keep going with the Click Tracks and neutralise the emotions but, as it seems unusally stubborn this time, it might be a smart play to “blast” the contributing beliefs.
I think we could find those beliefs if we spoke. However, in lieu of that, just ask yourself:
“What would I have to believe about women and myself to feel anxious in this situation?”
Might it be something like “Women can't be trusted”, “I'm not worth loving”, “Women don't like who I really am”, “Nothing works out for me” and/or “I am going to end up alone”?
Try saying each of those out loud and check whether they resonate. If so, you almost certainly hold these beliefs.
Can you see how holding a belief like those cited (and you may NOT hold them, of course) would naturally generate all manner of thoughts and emotions?
These type of beliefs are worth eliminating, for sure, as you will feel a greater sense of peace and possibility.
If you have the Belief Blasters (http://bit.ly/beliefblasters), you can get this handled by going through each belief and eliminating it.
If you need any more assistance with this or anything else, please let us know.
All the best,
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
Trumanupdate.
ive been tapping and working on these beliefs and ive made it to get a few dates. but theres a problem.
last week i went on a date with 2 different chicks and both told me at the end of the date “we are not compatible”.
lets make it clear that both chicks weren't looking for a boyfriend.
i don't know what to do about this now.
it's like every step that i move foward there's a wall.
the first girl i wasnt really attracted but i wanted to get laid anyways. the second girl went on 2 dates with me and we had fun. now when i ask her on a third date she told me “we are not compatible”
Keisar HabtemariamWhy so many dates? If you both just want sex why not just have a booty call and if you like each other let the relationship build from there. And any time you're rejected you can just ask her why you didn't click for your own education and work on those issues. The PSTEC steps are always the same – “get mad at it” technique with the clicktracks, Belief Blasters, PSTEC Postive, and then the Accelerator. Your making progress just keep at it.
Brian TuckerTruman – Try this. Imagine the phrase they are saying about not being compatible. Think about it as solid as you can that it is absolutely wrong and bad for someone to say something like that to another person. CT to a 0. Then imagine getting angry at that person and screaming it's wrong and bad to say that to me aka “getting it all out”. CT to 1 or 0
Get back to us with results. If a flash of any faces in the past come up, write them down and CT them in the same aspect too.
Paul McCabeHi Truman,
Thanks for the update.
Agreed with Brian there. That is a really good strategy and I am only posting with a few possible add-ons.
You could ask “what did it mean about me and that other person when they said we're not compatible?”
See what thoughts come to mind. You could run the Accelerator on that very question.
It may well transpire that the meaning you've given to “we're not compatible” is “I've been rejected.”
A meaning like “I've been rejected” is likely to produce different thoughts and feelings than, say, “I've had two dates that didn't turn out as well I hoped.”
Say “I've been rejected”, while thinking of these dates. If it feels true, you could come up with some alternative interpretations.
Imagine a few different ways of interpreting these events.
“Maybe they said we weren't compatible, because they didn't want me to say it first.”
“Maybe they secretly wanted more commitment from me and said they didn't want a boyfriend to test me…and that's why we weren't compatible.”
“Maybe they thought I wanted a girlfriend, and they just weren't ready for that, so they rejected the IDEA.”
“No-one can actually reject me. They just made a decision at the end of the date.”
“Maybe I wasn't compatible with those girls, but thay doesn't mean I've been rejected by them.”
Possibilities.
Then you could run one of the Belief Blasters tracks on “I've been rejected.”
You might also see if any other beliefs come up – like “I'll never meet the right girl” (“I could never meet the right girl”)
Let me know if that feels true, so we can come up with some counterexamples.
Furthermore, “it's like every step that i move foward there's a wall” is metaphorical. Walls can be broken down, redesigned or you could simply climb over the wall. It only seems like there is a “wall”, as you have interpreted it that way. In truth, you have had some dates that have not gone the way you had hoped.
If you believe there's a wall or a stumbling block, or a hurdle, that CAN become self-fulfiling. If you frame it as “This is just another opportunity for me to learn and grow”, no doubt that will feel different for you.
If you relax more about the dates and become less attached to how they turn out (you can do this via the Click Tracks), I think you will be very pleasantly surprised.
Please keep us updated.
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
Trumani know i have a deeply codependent mother and an avoidant father.
i adopted both views of the world to engage in relationships.
both coping mechanisms play against any possibility of casual or long term relationships.
maybe i should work on this both coping mechanisms that make my life so difficult in the relationships ground.
is there any pstec guide on attachment theory?
Paul McCabeHi Truman,
Thank you for your post.
There is no PSTEC guide for attachment theory, but you already suspect your relationships with your parents is an issue for you. Irrespective of the label, theory, diagnosis or conceptual model, I recommend just working with what you know.
Your father was avoidant, so how do and did you feel about that? Sad, angry, confused? Do any events come to mind?
I recommend picking the dominant emotion and, while thinking of the times your father has exhibited avoidant behaviour, try to feel the emotion and CT it.
After CTing down to 0 or 1, see if any other emotions come up when thinking of the same events.
Then do the same for your mother. The emotions may be different, but clear any sense of anger, frustration etc. while thinking of her being co-dependent.
While it's important that we acknowledge our history and resolve past pains, I also personally feel that it's important that you strive not to make anything a self-fulfiling prophecy or a life sentence.
Your past does not have to make relationships difficult – not inherently and certainly not when you use PSTEC systematically. We are born survivors and so many people have had extraordinary relationships – irrespective of their start in life.
This is the domain of the Belief Blasters, so please check if these beliefs resonate with you, and then eliminate them.
“I don't have what it takes”
“My family dynamic means I can never have a happy relationship”
“I'm not OK”
“I'm a fraud”
“I'm damaged goods”
After doing this, you may wish to layer in suggestions (using PSTEC Positive/Extra Power) like the following:
“On my next date, I'll just go with the flow”
“I definitely have what it takes”
“No matter what my parents were like, I'm my own man”
“Maybe I can just enjoy these dates more every time”
“The right woman is out there for me”
“It's cool that girls like dating me”
Feel free to re-word these, of course..Imagine they are already part of your reality and how good it feels when you know, for instance, “the right woman is out there for me”
Feel free to add your own. You see, you are suggesting negative things to yourself, so you might as well tip the balance.
Please let us know how it goes.
All the best,
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
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