Help With Identifying Belief

[MarkPSTEC User]

I want to keep it simple and start working on smaller issues.

My issue is basically social anxiety/shyness. I should work on that before the stage freight.

So I am choosing the situation of asking a stranger the time or directions.

The beliefs go as follows: by asking them this, I am bothering them and making them uncomfortable…….because? Because I'm taking up their time and being rude/arrogant…….because? Because I should be polite, quiet and respectful……because? I don't know where to go after that question. Maybe that is the root belief?

I am also noticing that there are insecurities about sounding stupid or asking a stupid question/maybe they're judging my appearance etc. So not sure how to break this one down. Thanks for any help!

[Kathryn LloydPSTEC User]

“Because I should be polite, quiet and respectful……because? I don't know where to go after that question. Maybe that is the root belief?”

If the root belief was that you should be polite, quiet and respectful, would it be good to get rid of that?  I don't think we'd want to have the belief that we should be rude, loud and disrespectful! 

I wonder if the problematic belief is something about having cause to be insecure around others.  Something about “I need to be insecure around others”  or “I have reasons to be insecure around others”  ?

  Kath

[MarkPSTEC User]

Hi Kath,

That's what confuses me because to me, confidence and assertiveness is being rude, loud and disrespectful. I'm sure you know the expression, “Nice guys finish last”. I feel that I've witnessed that first hand my whole life – seeing girls go with the loud rude guy instead of the nice respectful guy over and over. Also, especially as a performer, you need to have confidence to perform and not care what people think of you. So I do think it's bad to have the belief that you have to be quiet, polite and respectful. That belief has ruined my life.

[Kathryn LloydPSTEC User]

Hi Mark,

You know – you touch on an interesting point of how different people can interpret the same word different ways!

Hopefully you'll get some more feedback to aid you in deciding on the wording.

Kath 

PS – and this has nothing to do with PSTEC, and is just my own opinion, and observation.  I have heard guys say exactly what you're saying (my 29 year old son had the same experience until this year).  I said to him that it seems to me that girls who are attracted to loud, rude guys are not the most emotionally healthy people!  I said that eventually he would find a girl who would appreciate a nice, sincere and respectful guy, and when it finally happened it would be worth the wait.  And that's exactly what happened.  At 29 he is now engaged to a young woman who had to wait just as long as him to actually find the type of guy that he is.  I wish you all the best.

[LisaPSTEC User]

You guys/gals are so right, even though I'm a female I have noticed that some type of women would rather be with a man that treats her horribly instead of being with a guy who treats them good. But like Kath said this type of women thinks she doesn't deserve any better an that's why they stay.
You will find someone who makes you happy you just have to have patience, what I would do if I was you would I would make a detailed list of your perfect partner make it as detailed as possible and read it daily. If you haven't heard of the book “Write it down, Make it happen” it's a good one and I think it could definitely help.
Good luck

[MarkPSTEC User]

Thanks for the replies. Even still, it is generally the man's role to have to courage to initiate conversation/take the risk etc. For a guy who is used to being quiet and polite, this can be extremely nerve racking, not to mention the trauma caused by actually being rejected etc. Since women don't generally initiate, a man could wait his whole life. It is crucial for a man to have confidence.

So I'm not sure if I've found the correct root belief here. I noticed today while walking past people on the sidewalk that I averted my eyes and felt like I was bothering them and making them uncomfortable by being there (taking up their vision/space).

So the belief there is, I'm bothering them because ……….hmm..I guess because I think I'm inferior to them..Could that be it? 

[Kathryn LloydPSTEC User]

Yes – it really sounds like feeling inferior could definitely be it!!!

I agree with Lisa about  “Write it down, Make it happen”.  Also, writing down what You Want could help a part of you know that you Matter, and that you have the right to decide what you want, and that you're important.

Here are some other (what I call) 'seed thoughts' that might help you in thinking about beliefs:

I don't matter.
What I want doesn't matter.
I'm not important.

(None of which are true!!)

[MarkPSTEC User]

Thank you for the help Kath!

[MarkPSTEC User]

Hm I just did PSTEC negative on “It is my belief that I am inferior to them” with the thought of walking past people. Didn't feel any difference and when I think of the situation I still feel that I'm bothering them and that I would like to avoid it.

Wondering if this just might not work for me.

[MarkPSTEC User]

Had a rehearsal today and a stranger walked in and watched me play for a while. I was ridiculously nervous because of this. PSTEC is not working for me. Hypnosis never worked for me and it seems that PSTEC is quite similar to that. In any case, the proof is in the pudding – tested it out in real life. I think I'm going to go on anti anxiety medication after all.

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