How would I find Primers for this?
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BoobinskoJust wondering how I would find Primers for this:
'People laugh at me behind my back'
If it is being done behind my back, how could I possibly find proof against this?
Paul McCabeHi Boobinsko,
There are two ways to tackle this. Well, there are probably more than two ways, but I recommend using both of these approaches to start with.
1) You can prime the counterexamples on the conscious level. Do you know it's the TRUTH that people laugh behind your back? Have you seen it? Do you have any evidence to suggest that people are laughing at you or mocking behind your back?
Just as you can't find proof for it, you can't find proof against it. To a large extent, it is something you either extrapolated or imagined.
You don't know you are being laughed at for sure, so you can use this lack of certainty/evidence as a counterexample. “Even though I have heard these people mock others behind their back, I don't know for sure they do that to me.”
2) Whether you have any evidence or not, the idea that people MAY be laughing at you behind your back is troubling for you. It's a fear of some sort.
So whether or not it is happened, proceed as though it has. Technically, it is an imagined fear, but is probably quite real to you. Work with this. Use the CTs and try to hold on to the thought and emotion of people laughing at you behind your back…as you CT. As ever, aim to CT down to 0.
Take your time with it – what are you worried they are laughing at? This is usually another pointer on what to work on.
If someone was worried that people would laugh at them for the way they spoke, looked or acted, then this would suggest that the person actually needs to feel better about those things. That is a good starting point, in my opinion. Feel good NOW.
It does not mean that those things cannot be changed at some point too (we change inevitably and quite profoundly, if we work effectively on our mind model), but feeling happy in yourself (without being preoccupied with how others perceive you) and still accepting there are things you would like to change is a nice balance. It frees you to be the person you desire to be.
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
Peter BunyanHi Boobinsko
Assuming this is a Negative statement, 'People laugh at me behind my back'.
It could be countered with;
“But they might not be, they might be joking about something else”
“This is my own insecurity “speaking””
“I do not have to feel anything about what they say”
“I can be strong enough to not care what they say”
“What they think and say is their problem”
Sort of emotional defence, if not entirely logical in the precise sense of opposite to the Negative statement.
Peter
BoobinskoThanks, Paul and Peter.
Sadly, this was a case of me being in a room when people were not aware I was there, and I heard exactly what was said and the group response. So, yes, I was witness to the evidence. It's sad, or rather pathetic, because the comment was made by one of my teachers way back in high school. I had also seen this level of immaturity from this teacher projected onto a friend. Not to mention other teachers towards myself and others. It's scary that there is currently no standards for teachers in this regards. I've seen plenty of power tripping behaviour too. Luckily I had some really wonderful teachers too.
Anyway, I have CT'd the feelings, which by this stage of my life, revolve more around the subsequent subconscious lack of trust I have in people and difficulty in making friends. I also lost confidence in the field of expertise I was learning from that teacher. It took me a few decades to understand all this. So you can imagine I feel like I've missed out on a lot because of that incident.
I'm now inclined to set up new beliefs of being emotionally impervious to people's disrespect of me.
Paul McCabeHi Boobinsko,
I am sorry you had that experience and for the obvious impact it has had on you.
I appreciate that, when you hear people badmouthing you, it can be especially hurtful – particularly in the circumstance you encountered.
The type of event you outlined would have likely produced a number of different feelings and even a few beliefs. These could be fear, humiliation, sadness, anger etc. I would contend that it is worth working on each emotion individually by seeing which particular feelings the event you described (and others like it) are evoked. Problems that you have held for a long time can dissolve remarkably quickly.
With the long track for ClickTrack2015, you could do really intensive work on the event. Keep trying to feel one emotion during each session. CT down to 0. Keep at it. The time investment with PSTEC is minimal compared to the burden of holding onto disempowering beliefs and emotions.
This event happened and had a profound impact on you. It is your truth that this led to you not trusting people, but it is not THE truth that this would inherently affect all future relationships. That is the story you have constructed and, believe me, most of us have done something similar.
So much in life comes down the meaning we ascribe to events – deal with the emotions and give the event a different meaning and, in all probability, you will have a different experience.
We give meaning to events all the time, but I have found that, if we consistently challenge our assumptions, it frees up other possibilities – it is like exercising a mental muscle and it is very impactful.
From looking at what you have written, it might prove very beneficial to consider what belief you formed from this event (and ones like it). I would recommend taking your time to map this out.
Then, use PSTEC Negative.
You could see how beliefs like (Starting with “It is my belief that…”) “People can't be trusted”, or “It is dangerous to get too involved with people” resonate with you. Say each statement out loud and see whether it FEELS true. If it feels true or uncomfortable, it's most likely you hold the belief.
As ever, you might need to make these sort of beliefs more specific to you – tailor the language to your specific representation of this event and the people involved in it.
You may also have formed some beliefs about people in positions of trust or authority (you mention the power-tripping of some teachers you encountered). You could look at this separately.
For the type of beliefs I suggested above, you would be looking at alternative interpretations/primers that move you from the general (all people) to the specific (those people).
For example, “Maybe those people couldn't be trusted to speak respectfully about me, but it doesn't mean all people couldn't be trusted.”
Use about 4-5 Alternative Interpretation for each belief. The art is in specifically countering the belief you formed.
Then, after doing the CTs and the work with PN, you could switch to PP and suggest “People can be trusted” or “I am resilient to people's criticism.”
In summary: keep CTing, use PN and PP.
I realise I have written a lot here and I hope this helps. Please let us know how you get on.
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
Peter BunyanHi Boobinsko
Paul has pretty much laid out the route map for you. Thanks Paul!
While this particular incident had an impact on you, and it would have been very self esteem/self worth lowering, were there any previous things that happened to you that may have made you more susceptible to that sort of feeling?
Peter
BoobinskoThanks, Paul for the in depth response and all your suggestions. I was experimenting with another technique last year and either they suggested, or I realised, that saying statements out loud to test if they resonate really did work quite well. So it was good to be reminded to go back to that.
I will have to think about your question, Peter, as nothing springs to mind, but it is a very valid point. Thank you.
Peter BunyanBoobinsko
Keep on Clicking!Peter
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