Obsessive thoughts and relationships

[Jeff HardingPSTEC User]

Hi Jeff.

I am new to the site, and have purchased PSTEC Level 1 and the PSTEC Accelerators. I am looking forward to utilizing the technology in many areas of my life.

My questions are varied. I have read through a lot of posts over the last few days in hopes of getting some helpful guidance into applying the click tracks to a pretty complex issue. Any advice or tips anyone has or can give me will be warmly appreciated!!!

Ok, so here goes…. I just ended a 12 year toxic relationship. We have children together so this is a relationship that has tons of room for improvement as well, but its also in desperate need of healing so that we can co-parent peacefully together.
The Ex, is an alcoholic, and very angry and bitter with me about some things that I have done in the course of the past several months. I admit to acting immaturely and reacting in inappropriate ways towards him, out of my own anger and resentment.

My BIGGEST issue personally RIGHT NOW is the obsessive, constant thoughts about him. Also thoughts about his, new relationship. The thoughts seems to be on auto-pilot. All day, every day. They range from: what is he doing right now, to, worry about how he will think and or react to what I may say or do, to wondering if he thinks about me or the kids, to comparing myself to this new chica, to, longing for his presence again in my life even though consciously I know it was an unhealthy situation, to anger about traumatic events of the past. The torture in my head is constant and agonizing.

The predominant feeling in my being when these thoughts arise is FEAR and ANXIETY. Which I feel in my gut and in my chest. Heavy, restricted feeling.
I have run the click tracks on a few specific that have happened in the past with some relief. Going from a 10 to about a 3 on some past events and I will continue to methodically run thru past memories of betrayals I feel.

My question is the obsessive thoughts are the area i feel i need the most relief in, as they get in the way of me being present to my everyday life. I feel as though I think more about him, than I do about myself and my own healing.

I have been told by another EFT practictioner that in some way my primitive brain has connected making him happy and thoughts of him with feeling safe, thus the obsessive thoughts and feelings of anxiety.

How can I apply the PSTEC tools SPECIFICALLY to the obsessive thoughts, as they are so varied and complex?

I've got the emotions and feeling part down,(fear and anxiety) but not sure if I should be thinking of times/memories where I fell into the negative thinking patterns when running the tracks or if I should just start thinking obsessively add the emotion and run the tracks. As I said the thoughts vary.

Anyone out there in PSTEC land that has used the tracks specifically for obsessive thinking and had any success???

I appreciate ANY feedback!!! and am considering having a consult with you, to help to apply the tools to my negative thinking patterns and obsessive thoughts, but would love to get some thoughts on this. Still trying to figure out how to post. Posted a similar question earlier today, but not sure if it actually went thru.

Thanks again….

Kim

[Jeff HardingPSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator]

Hi Kim,

Relationships can be both a benefit when they dissolve and the source for much conflict to our inner peace.

You have quite a complex web of emotions, memories, issues, etc. in your experience, so if you find it confusing and get stalled quite often, consider having a PSTEC Practitioner help guide you through the maze of emotions to clear them up properly… look to the PSTEC Registry for someone that could help you.

With that said, here are some points to consider in your work on these issues… I am going to cram a lot in here, so strap yourself in…

• Be careful of the “desperate needs” as you work through these issues.  When we are desperate, our decisions are not always for the highest good of everyone involved.  Even if the “goal” is good, we can go about it the wrong way when giving in to the desperate feeling.

  So, when a desperate feeling is pervasive, it’s good to look at that and use the CT’s properly on it.

• Healing yourself around a dissolved relationship is not about the other person.  This is not about what they, do, did or will do.  The healing will come from within and is about your perceptions of what the other person does, did or will do.  So, look to heal your perceptions of the relationship… of the past painful memories… of the current pain or obsession of the present … of the fear of the future.

  Keep looking within for the emotions, beliefs and behaviors that support all those feelings of “non-J.E.E.P.”

• It’s ALL about forgiveness and that is one of the primary purposes of PSTEC because PSTEC is about letting go… letting go of the emotional attachment to the memories and imagined events as well as letting go of beliefs that are not empowering.  So, when you think about forgiveness, think about it in terms of how you feel and think about others AND about forgiveness of yourself.  For example, if you had a very emotional memory of someone that was violent, you may be focusing on what the other person did; perhaps your are angry and sad.  But, in addition to that, look at what you did as well in reaction or response, even if it was justified, look at what you did or said and how you feel about it… maybe you say to yourself, “Oh, how stupid was that… I’m an idiot!”  That is something, most likely, that is ripe with emotions and feelings, so us the Click Tracks (CT) on it.  In other words, be sure to address self-forgiveness as well as the forgiveness of others.
• For obsessive issues, yes, you can use the CT’s on that in terms of imagining the “good” feeling of being with that person … also, watch out for the feelings of fear of not being with the person.  So, you can neutralize those feelings with the CT’s … you can neutralize ANY feeling with the CT’s and, therefore, reduce or eliminate your motivating feeling to be with the person.

  So, again, yes, use the CT’s to address the emotional feelings of obsession for the person as well as the fears of being without them.  These are common feelings in these situations, but there may be other feelings and causes as well.

[/list]Alright, shifting gears here… are you still strapped in?  :- )

Quite often the emotions are not the only chains that bind us… remember, as I mentioned above, there are beliefs and behaviors as well …

• There may be beliefs that are keeping those emotions in place, such as: “I can’t live without someone”… “life will be lonely without someone”… “I’m too old, too short, too __________ to start over”… etc.

  So, you must be adept at addressing the beliefs as well (using the PSTEC Positive Tracks) to make the release of the emotional issues easier and more smooth.

• A side note…you said, “I have run the click tracks on a few specific that have happened in the past with some relief. Going from a 10 to about a 3 on some past events… “

  Why did you stop at 3?  Did you continue and do additional rounds with the CT’s?

• Continue the use of the PSTEC Accelerators as instructed by Tim on the audios because what you will find is that the memories or imagined events that are part of the cause of these issues will come up so that you know what to work on… you know what to focus on while running the CT’s.

[/list]So, you may be directed by the subconscious mind to events, memories and issues that are not related to the relationship… memories that happened long before the relationship you are currently working on.

When a memory comes to mind while focusing on something else that is emotional, then jot that down and run it with the CT.  Be open to the communications from the subconscious (images, feelings, thoughts, movies, emotions, etc.)… it’s all just data coming through that needs to either be handled and healed or you can comply and stay stuck in those dis-empowering thoughts and feelings.

For obsessive issues, there are a variety of causes and approaches, but here are some ideas for a process…

1. “I can't be without” beliefs need to be loosened up and ideally busted. This is easier for a therapist than for someone working alone trapped inside that belief structure looking out… this step can make the shift and changes much more smooth… a bit difficult for a person to do on their own, especially when the emotions are extremely high.
2. At the right timing, hit the emotional side by click tracking feelings of love or desire for the person.
3. Then, imagine the person is not there… try and hold onto the feeling of need and click track that too.
4. When the emotions are low for #2 and #3 above, go to PSTEC Positive with the following Positive Statements… some of these break the rules, but these types of situations are exceptions:

[/list]

• “I am fine without __________” and/or  “I am better off without ________”
• “I don't need them anymore”
• “I'm free”

[/list]So, there you go, Kim… does it seem a bit ominous or complex?  Well, no need to despair, because, again, that's what practitioners are for; to help guide you through the maze of memories and emotions.  So, give it a go on your own if you wish and then if stuck or overwhelmed, then go to the PSTEC Registry right away and get these issues released right away!

Take care… keep clickin'… aloha!

Jeff

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