Removing all resentment and getting back together with a person?
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in3deepThere was a person i was very close to. I had the intention of trying to make her my GF. I told my “best friend” about this. One day suddenly i found out that hes been asking her out behind my back. He literally broke the bro code…At the same time, she just stopped talking to me. I suspect my ex-best friend had told her something negative about me… Any communication now is minimal, delayed and fake nice. She h=says shes not avoiding and shes busy… but she hasnt lifted one finger to put any effort into the friendship… I let my fears get the better of me and now my ex best friend is spending all his time with her even though he already has a GF. He has literally taken over my position… and it hurts…Because he is blocking all her time, i also don't feel like i can make any headway (another fear).
Now because of this, i am feeling very negative, angry and resentful. Resentful cause i though of both of them as my very good friends, yet instead of telling me that they know once another, they chose to push me out of their life without any reason so that they can hangout together… I feel like what i had with her was robbed by the person who i confided in… Not to mention, i see them all the time so the wounds get reopened everyday…
At the same time, i want to get all this out of my system so that i can try to get her back into my life with a positive mindset… I have been trying law of attraction way to change my beliefs about her, however it does not seem to be working…the memories keep replaying in my mind… inner conversations are always arguing with her for what she did.
I have been clicking away the negative memories… but i would like some advise on what would be the best strategy? Is it really possible to reach the stage, where seeing them together will not feel like a stab to my heart?
Thanks in advance
Paul McCabeHi in3deep,
Thanks for posting and for sharing your story.
In short, you can absolutely resolve this issue with PSTEC. You can resolve the hurts, the worst-case scenarios and any unwanted emotions.
You can also eliminate the beliefs.
Doing this systematically will likely change your behaviours.
I appreciate this is a very painful issue for you, and that it feels very raw right now. I am pleased to advise there are many routes to take.
Have you considered that the story with which you have been presented might not be the whole truth?
Do you know, for instance, with 100% certainty that:
– your ex-best friend asked this girl out?
– your ex-best friend said something negative about you?
– he is blocking all her time?
– she has no interest in you?
I only ask, because often our imaginations can “run away” from us. Also, when you factor in gossip and the like, the actual reality can often be significantly different to what we imagined.
So, if someone believes “I was robbed”, that will typically produce different feelings than “she is just busy at the moment.”
In any case, I know this feels very real to you, so you can use PSTEC to take the emotional sting out of this…and then some.
Before giving a more detailed “roadmap”, can you please advise which PSTEC tools you own and have been using?
I do presume, however, that you own the Free Click Tracks and have been working through those.
With that in mind, you might wish to run the CTs on this.
Anger
– Think of the situation and try to get as angry as you possibly can
– Feel that anger as intensely as you can
– Rate this between 0-10
– To make this even more real, write down “I have been betrayed”, “I can't trust people I loved”, “Everyone will let me down”, “I've lost her” and “I'll never get what I want”
– These are beliefs, but you can use these to trigger causal events and intensify the feelings.
– Keep Click Tracking while you think of these concepts and TRY hard to evoke the anger
– Keep going until you have cleared it all – until you think of the situation and can bring up no anger.
– So, if you started at a 10, go at this issue until it's a 0 or 1.After this, think of the situation again and separately CT the hurt and resentment down to 0.
This may require several plays of the CT. Keep at it.
Some other things you can do:
– Think of your ex-best friend and just let those negative feelings bubble up and CT them down to 0. You are letting YOURSELF off the hook here. If he has indeed done what you think he has done, you will still be armed with the knowledge.
– Think of your ex-BF and the girl in whom you are interested being together. Imagine seeing them walking hand-in-hand together, let the hurt surface and CT that away.
I hope that helps for now. Once I know which tracks you have, I will be in a better position to offer additional suggestions.
Best Regards,
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
in3deepHi Paul… many thanks for your response… I have the free click tracks, pstec L1, Pstec negative and pstec positive
I have been clicking away past memories, have made progress, but the pain is too widespread due to my thoughts running wild.. so the relief is only for a period of time… I will try the scenarios you suggested at them walking down the beach
Interm of your questions, my answers are as below:
Do you know, for instance, with 100% certainty that:– your ex-best friend asked this girl out? (YES)
– your ex-best friend said something negative about you? (NO)
– he is blocking all her time? (YES)
– she has no interest in you? (YES, suffice she had not put in any effort to reconnect with me)
Brian TuckerIn3deep – Paul is indeed correct in that PSTEC can absolutely straighten this out as if it never happened. Been there more times than I can count in my life. Completely know how you feel. Yes, it hurts.
Ok, So you have a few things going on here… Resentment, Betrayal, Jealousy, Envy and I'm sure you have some comparison, worth (not loved, not liked, not worthy, deprived etc.) and fear (abandonment, rejection) issues also playing in. Also shame and embarrassment. The shame is driving a lot of your anger.
You may also look at what you believe about “cheating” this is not technically cheating but clicktracking feelings around”stealing my girlfriend is bad” leaving for another guy is just wrong” cheating is horrible” “lying and sneaking is bad” “women can't be trusted” “being unloyal is wrong” etc. These are not solid beliefs per se but just some examples of more things going through your head. Sit and make a definitive list of everything about this that is wrong, bad, hurtful to you. Then rate them all on a scale of 1-10 most painful. Start with the worst painful and work your way down the list.
All of these issues (thoughts and feelings) are all playing back from your childhood in the present. They are larger than you can see right now. As you clicktrack them, think back as far as you can to your childhood when something similar happened. Most likely with your mom or a very early girlfriend (probably both). This is where you want to work.
If your parents were divorced you will probably soon notice that all of this is a replay of what you saw at that time. You learned by watching them behave and so that is how your subconscious tells you to think feel and behave in the present.
If they weren't divorced, you have been put in a situation that you aren't emotionally equipped to handle. That's completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
The good news is you have the tools to work through this. Did your mom leave you or abandon you? I would start there. Also deal with the shame going back to a early “dumped” and grammar school sweetheart that was stolen from you from another boy.
Let us know more info about this past stuff we can help a little more.
Thank you for sharing.
p.s. One thing that might help you is to ct the following…
Imagine this is the most absolute extremely important thing in your life and that it will never go away and stop. CT that feeling to a 1 or 0
Imagine that you will never be able to survive this ordeal and the pain and turmoil will never stop. CT to a 1 or 0
in3deepHi Brian.. thanks.
My parents are not divorced… but my mum was pretty strict and did not like me getting to hang out with girls… I also have not been very successful with ladies… I have no issues getting close to them but I always have this fear that there will be another person who they will get attracted to and leave me for… and these fears have always played out in reality
I have now reached a stage where I don't want to go thru this cycle over and over again… finding a new person will eventually lead to same outcome… hence I wanna get over all the pain and anger… get rid of negative beliefs… put some positive beliefs in place… so that I can try with her again in the best mindset or atleast I'm equipped for the next girl who comes aling
Brian TuckerHi Brian.. thanks.
My parents are not divorced… but my mum was pretty strict and did not like me getting to hang out with girls… I also have not been very successful with ladies… I have no issues getting close to them but I always have this fear that there will be another person who they will get attracted to and leave me for… and these fears have always played out in reality
I have now reached a stage where I don't want to go thru this cycle over and over again… finding a new person will eventually lead to same outcome… hence I wanna get over all the pain and anger… get rid of negative beliefs… put some positive beliefs in place… so that I can try with her again in the best mindset or atleast I'm equipped for the next girl who comes aling
Ok CT that worry (fear) that they will leave you for someone better and then PSTEC neg the belief “Others always leave me for someone else” and “women will leave me for someone better”
In a simple summary…
What you have going on with that issue in particular is that you have a low self-worth and have fears of being compared, rejected, and abandoned because of that. You can resolve all of that.
That betrayal and resentment is what is causing you to recreate it over and over again. Go back to the first time that ever happened in your life and CT it to break the cycle.
Brian TuckerIn3deep – Paul is indeed correct in that PSTEC can absolutely straighten this out as if it never happened. Been there more times than I can count in my life. Completely know how you feel. Yes, it hurts.
Ok, So you have a few things going on here… Resentment, Betrayal, Jealousy, Envy and I'm sure you have some comparison, worth (not loved, not liked, not worthy, deprived etc.) and fear (abandonment, rejection) issues also playing in. Also shame and embarrassment. The shame is driving a lot of your anger.
You may also look at what you believe about “cheating” this is not technically cheating but clicktracking feelings around”stealing my girlfriend is bad” leaving for another guy is just wrong” cheating is horrible” “lying and sneaking is bad” “women can't be trusted” “being unloyal is wrong” etc. These are not solid beliefs per se but just some examples of more things going through your head. Sit and make a definitive list of everything about this that is wrong, bad, hurtful to you. Then rate them all on a scale of 1-10 most painful. Start with the worst painful and work your way down the list.
All of these issues (thoughts and feelings) are all playing back from your childhood in the present. They are larger than you can see right now. As you clicktrack them, think back as far as you can to your childhood when something similar happened. Most likely with your mom or a very early girlfriend (probably both). This is where you want to work.
If your parents were divorced you will probably soon notice that all of this is a replay of what you saw at that time. You learned by watching them behave and so that is how your subconscious tells you to think feel and behave in the present.
If they weren't divorced, you have been put in a situation that you aren't emotionally equipped to handle. That's completely normal and nothing to be ashamed of.
The good news is you have the tools to work through this. Did your mom leave you or abandon you? I would start there. Also deal with the shame going back to a early “dumped” and grammar school sweetheart that was stolen from you from another boy.
Let us know more info about this past stuff we can help a little more.
Thank you for sharing.
p.s. One thing that might help you is to ct the following…
Imagine this is the most absolute extremely important thing in your life and that it will never go away and stop. CT that feeling to a 1 or 0
Imagine that you will never be able to survive this ordeal and the pain and turmoil will never stop. CT to a 1 or 0
– she has no interest in you? (YES, suffice she had not put in any effort to reconnect with me)
^^ CT any expectation that she will get back with you to a ZERO. Take it to an extreme and CT feelings of you getting back together that are not JEEP.
in3deepThanks brian… Will implement all your suggestions
Another question I have is, is there any quick method to get rid of all the anger and resentment? I have been doing specific events as and when they come about, but this sends to be a needle in a haystack method
Brian TuckerThe best to use for that would be belief blasters. The sky is the limit with it. PQT is also fantastic. In my opinion a person can completely transform their life with nothing more than the free CT and BB provided they know what beliefs to go after. Relationship beliefs are far more complex than a phobia.
Paul McCabeHi in3deep,
Thanks for your reply and for confirming what tracks you have.
I appreciate you taking the time to post, as this is clearly a very painful issue for you. You will get through this and I am confident you will emerge with a renewed vigour and a completely different outlook on life.
The tracks you have will be enough to completely resolve this. I am in full agreement with Brian, however, that Belief Blasters (http://bit.ly/beliefblasters) and Quantum Turbo (http://bit.ly/ppquantumturbo) are absolutely superb.
In fact, for long-term use and ease of use, I would contend they are essential. In my opinion, they are beyond comparison. If you are in a position to get them, please do so.
Crucially, though, many people have already completely resolved issues before these tracks came out. You just have even more variety now.
To that end (and I'm sorry to bombard you here!), I definitely recommend eliminating some beliefs around this pattern. Doing so can collapse an entire pattern and, well, you already have the tracks to facilitate this.
So, as well as your CT work, check whether these beliefs resonate with you. If they do, I recommend coming up with 3-4 logical counterexamples for each belief and eliminating the beliefs with PSTEC Negative:
“My belief is that I am second best”
“My belief is that it bad to get too close to people”
“My belief is that I have been betrayed”
“My belief is that I am unlucky in love”
“My belief is that I am inferior to (my ex-best friend)” – add his name
“My belief is that I don't have what it takes”
“My belief is that relationships don't work out”
“My belief is that life is very unfair”
“My belief is that women aren't interested in me”
“My belief is that I will never meet the right person”
Check in with these, re-word as you see fit (to make them more resonant for you) and then eliminate each one. You could eliminate two beliefs per day.
Other beliefs may feed into the pattern and these will surface. You can then clear those too.
Say each belief phrase again after running the PSTEC Negative track and doing what is required. Check to see whether it “feels true.” If so (highly unlikely), just run the track again.
For every belief you eliminate, you may wish to layer in a positive suggestion to tip the balance. Use PSTEC Positive for this, of course.
For example, for a belief like “I'm unlucky in love”, you can layer in a positive like “I've got so much to offer in a relationship” or “The future can be so much better than the past.”
Few problems exist in isolation, so Brian is spot on with regards to looking for patterns in your personal history – times when you felt rejected, betrayed or second best. No doubt they will be there and, with Click Track 2015, you can bundle them together and clear them efficiently.
This would be an effective way to clear the anger. There are so many ways to do this with PSTEC, however.
You could take that “deep dive” now, or you could simply focus on the problem at hand.
In any case, if you stick at this, you will get there.
I hope that helps.
Paul
Paul McCabe – PSTEC Master Practitioner
http://www.lifestyleforchange.com
Please contact me anytime if you want any assistance in utilising PSTEC to help you live a life of tremendous freedom & possibility.
Recreate yourself with PSTEC.
Skype, Zoom, in-person & phone sessions available…
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