"thin-skinned"

[requinPSTEC User]

Hi All,
I want to do PS Positive to make myself less sensitive and “thin skinned”.  I want things ppl say to roll off, and not react to them w/ anger or self incrimination or whatever.  Any ideas for a good short effective positive statement?

Obviously I don't want to use “thick skinned” (subcon might take that literally lol) or use negative words like, “I am not overly sensitive”.  Need positive words.

In another thread I found this from Peter:  …Run Positive with a suggestion like “I can be calm and relaxed in all situations”. 
Do you think this would cover the problem of oversensitivity? 

Thanks all.

[Paul McCabePSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator]

Hi Requin,

Hope you are keeping well.

The self-concept of being “thin-skinned” can be handled very well by using the Click Tracks. You likely have this concept of yourself since you feel upset by certain comments people make to or about you.

The CTs help you build “emotional muscle”, so continue to imagine scenarios that cause you distress/upset and, whilst trying to feel these emotions, CT down to 0. Therr is no set time on how long this will take, but the end result will be worth it.

I would recommend making this the main part of your routine and, as you persist with this, I would expect that the same scenarios that would lead you to conclude that you were too sensitive or thin-skinned just will not show up the same way for you the same way.

Once you neutralise the emotions and change the meaning of events, everything changes.

To bolster the effects of this work, I would recommend targeting the issue using some of the other PSTEC tools.

It might be worth looking at PSTEC Negative and eliminating the belief “(It is my belief that) I'm too thin-skinned.” There are very elegant ways to counter that belief before running the track. There will be other beliefs that contribute to this pattern, I would expect.

This cannot be lab-tested, of course, but I would suggest that eliminating this belief would open up new possibilities for you. So, rather than just concluding you are too thin-skinned, it would let you see that you have other resources and were just feeling hurt by comments.

You could support this by adding in Positive suggestions like “I feel more resilient every day”, “I can feel good, no matter what is said to me” and “I feel secure in myself.” Of course, this will be most effective if the suggestions resonate with you and you are running the CTs to neutralise the negative emotions you feel when you are criticised.

Paul

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[Peter BunyanPSTEC User]

Hi requin

Good to hear from you again.

As Paul suggests, and a few more thoughts…

Using Positive alone to overcome issues can be slow without the Click Tracks first. the problem is not that you believe you are “sensitive” or “thin skinned” but the fact that you are. This is an emotional thing, you react with anger or bad feelings. So Click Tracking that “hidden anger” which is within you all the time waiting for an excuse to burst out, would be my suggestion. Click Tracking any and everything which makes you angry. CT 2015 with it's wrapper track to combine memories would be good for this.

But to answer your question “I can be calm and relaxed whatever others say” variations “say about me” “say to me”. You need to be able to imagine it as true while running the track. The non-clicking “journey” positive if you get into the habit of using it, is more portable and usable in the moment. Best perhaps everytime just before you go out somewhere. Otherwise the FREE PSTEC and Mindfulness tutorial gives cheap, practical and effective ways of helping yourself get past your issues whatever they are. These focus very much on “positives”.

Peter

[Jeff HardingPSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator]

Mahalo for the responses thus far Peter and Paul … where's Mary? (ok, sorry about that)    I'm leavin' on a jet plane … I don't know when I'll be back again (ok, I'm reeeeeaallly sorry this time!)   

When bothered by other people's opinions, consider more specific examples of events (memories), specific situations (i.e. “It doesn't bother me when someone calls me stupid but if they say I'm a moron … argggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!”)or specific people.  When you use those specifics, they may be more effective and also reveal more to you.  In other words, the more specific, the more terrific your results for the most part.

Here are some general suggestions along the subject for PP …

“(Name) doesn't bother me any more”

“I don't care what (name) says or thinks”

“I don’t care what other people think of me”

“When other people give their opinions I remain calm and confident”

“People’s opinions do not bother me”

“Other people don't define who and what I am”

“I am imperturbable”

“If someone does not approve of me I remain at peace because I define my worth”

“Only I can determine my worth”

Aloha!
Jeff

Note: This note is for anyone wanting to claim, 'You can't use the word “don't” in a PP sentence because the sub will disregard it and take the negative as a suggestion.

Now, I can't put someone's limiting belief to rest with one little note here if they want to maintain that belief, but, suffice to say, that claim is not entirely true.

For example, let's say someone comes to me and say, “That guy insulted you; what are you going to do about it?”  And I say, “I don't care what other people say about me.”
You see the statement… sound like one of the PP above?

For me, personally, that is a strong belief not only consciously, but subconsciously.

Now, notice above there are some “don't words” and the like, but also some sentences that are downright positive, i.e. “I am imperturbable”  … so, keep in mind to mix them up if needed.

Sometimes we need to express something with some fervor, “I don't care what other think about me”, in order to shift out of the limiting mind model and, once out, then we can move into more straight up positives.

[requinPSTEC User]

Thank you all for your helpful in-depth replies.

Jeff I laughed at your silly jokes at the beginning, haha!!

And thanks Jeff for that note about using negative words in the positive statement.
That is JUST what I needed to read/learn.  Because yea, I was thinking of things
like, “what others say does not bother me” because it feels powerful and to the point,
but thought I shouldn't be using phrases worded that way.

I also have to confess I haven't been using PSTec at all lately; when I do I tend to go right for PS Positive.  I never even thought of using the CTs on specific situations where someone said or did something that upset me—duh!!!  Absolutely a great idea and a chance to try again w/ the basic CTs because I have had limited success w/ them, mostly due I think to not knowing how to sort out what feelings I'm using them on exactly.

One thing they've worked great on is if I'm extremely, extremely upset, as in feeling suicidal, they work amazingly well and fast.  It seems like they only work for me if my emotion is very very high.  So this is a chance to try them on some less-intense but annoying and persistant feelings.

Thanks again all. I will report back if/when I get success or improvement. 

[requinPSTEC User]

P.S. Jeff's comments about targeting specific ppl who bother me is a good one. Because in fact there is one person who seems to have it in for me and I honestly never did anything to him so it bothers me a lot. 

We had just gotten over a feud (which he started) many months ago, where after he reamed me out (for some delusional thing he thinks I did to him, which I absolutely DID NOT DO) he would not speak to me or any of our mutual friends if I was there, for months.  About a month ago he decided he would “allow” us to be friends again because he finally had a girlfriend so he could be patronizing.  Then once again about 2 weeks ago made a totally mean, unexpected, ridiculous “joke” about my appearance so even his girlfriend was shocked. Later apologized but the question is always, why did he say it in the first place?

Ok so the guy has serious issues this is obvious so WHY do I let what he says bother me?? This is what I want to use PSTec on.  I think most ppl would say “consider the source” and let it slide off but I get so upset and angry and stay that way! 

(Needless to say after the insult 2 weeks ago, I avoid him.  I'm quite sure he thinks since he apologized we can be buds, but I'm not stupid enough to fall for that again.)

So yea I'm going to CT as Jeff suggests lol.  Thanks Jeff.

[Peter BunyanPSTEC User]

Hi requin

  Then once again about 2 weeks ago made a totally mean, unexpected, ridiculous “joke” about my appearance so even his girlfriend was shocked. Later apologized but the question is always, why did he say it in the first place?

Ok so the guy has serious issues this is obvious so WHY do I let what he says bother me?? This is what I want to use PSTec on.  I think most ppl would say “consider the source” and let it slide off but I get so upset and angry and stay that way!

… and why do you remain angry and hurt so long after the event?

Forgive me I cannot at this time go through all the past posts. But I suspect when you were young you were put in a position where you were possibly unjustly accused, blamed for something, and verbally at least abused. This sort of thing can simmer away underneath and boil over into anger for sometimes nothing much at all, many years later. This is the  sort of thing I meant by “hidden anger”. If these early incidents can be Click Tracked then you might still get angry but not so much and not for long.

Apologies, I know you have been working on these things for a long time. But I try to make my replies useful to others who may be new to this forum and self help.

Peter

[requinPSTEC User]

Thanks Peter. No apologies necessary. 

I haven't delved into my distant past w/ PSTec, honestly.  I don't recall a specific situation where I was blamed/accused as a child. In general I was ignored and emotionally neglected.
I was no one's favorite whereas my sister and brother both had a grandparent who doted on them, I did not. (We only had 2 grandmothers, so there was no grandparent left to love me most).

I don't like to go back to all that past junk.

I did click track the incident and also another one w/ a different person and I think it has helped quite a bit. I did 2 CT sessions on each incident, back to back.  I don't think about the incidents anymore and if they cross my mind there's no emotion attached. Wonderful.

I definitely need to keep CTing !! 

Thanks Peter for your time and advice on the forum.

[Peter BunyanPSTEC User]

Hi requin

I don't like to go back to all that past junk.

That “don't like” suggests resistance. However when you are ready, you know what to do.

Keep on Clicking!
Peter

[requinPSTEC User]

i knew you were gonna say something like that.

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