Reply To: Values vs Patterns

Hi Truman,

Thanks for posting.

I would say that there is a synergy between values, beliefs and patterns.

I will keep it as brief as possible, as books have been written and will continue to be written on these topics. Please let me know if you wish for me to clarify anything.

Patterns would describe behaviours and thoughts we tend to exhibit.

A crude example:

“Everytime I am criticised by someone in a position of authority, I feel sad (emotion) and I start to blush (behaviour)”

We may not always engage in said pattern, of course, as we are dynamic and respond to other cues. However, there tends to be a pattern to our behaviour and emotions and this can show up in certain rituals and habits – “At the end of the month when I get paid by my job, I go to the bar and get drunk”

Our behaviour can be determined by our beliefs and values.

I would suggest that your values are not toxic, but the way you wish to live by them may be toxic.

Needing the approval of others is almost certainly a pattern, propped up by beliefs and emotional conditionings. Love, by constrast, is a value/need.

Some people merge values with human needs. Your needs are set in stone, really, whereas I believe that values are quite fluid, open to interpretation (to an extent) and can be chosen.

Someone who loves companionship/connection may go out drinking every night, and may engage in all sorts of behaviour that may not be conducive in the long-term to vibrant physical and mental health.

So, there are lots of ways to live by your values and some will be a better match for you in your current context than others.

Paul

i seem to be reproducing and manifesting the same scenarios from childhood in my adult life.

in childhood i got rejected and excluded from groups of people.

for example.

now in my adult life the same happens at work and travel. people meet from scratch and form large groups and i end up being rejected by groups of people.

they get to produce friendships or romantic relationships in the same enviroment that we started from scratch but i am away from that. like a forever alone outsider.

this happens to me EVERYWHERE. the same happened when i started college. people create groups, form friendships, form couples and i am left alone.

it's a living nightmare not being able to form any of these things. it's like a huge fear of intimacy that i am not able to reproduce while tapping.

this makes me crave for connection and affection emotionally and physically. it's neediness that i get to hide under a huge resistance and mask of thoughness.

the thing is that i tapped on this like 200 times and i still hooked to the same situations. i tapped on all the beliefs that you mentioned and i bought like 3 products and worked on them. yet my results still very under the radar.

i don't know if this happens because of a pattern or because i place too much emphasis during the day on the value of connection. which makes me more needy.