Reply To: PSTEC for suicidality & bipolar

I did “Nothing comes easy” run the 18 min BB.  I've never used the 18 min BB. 

Never the end I thought “nothing comes easy except David.”. Then went on.  Our son is so easy to raise and everything seems to go well for him- well most everything…

I also noticed how content and self-entertaining our daughter is today with no media…just playing with my old Barbie house at Grandma's.

I also noticed how I feel bad for not wanting to be in a group and isolating myself/ playing with the kids for part of the gathering, while most of my generations don't come to the reunions on a regular basis at all.

Then I did the 18 min BB on: “Christians had to be happy all the time.” I'd come to this idea while clicking early in the day.  One of my wonderful Grandma's said something like this a lot.  Everyone can tell your faith by your joy.  She and I are both naturally joyful and believers.  She is the gladdest-hearted person around and everyone sees her that way.  While her faith is a huge part of her joy, it's not a recipe to never hurt.  Eventually, she had to grieve Grandpa. 

A lot came back on that one… Great grandparents funerals when I was younger… Most came right before I started worrying mom by being overly happy.  I remembered singing at Grandpa's funeral when I was I high-school.    I wouldn't do that now.

One thing that stands out is how David and my Dad both have everything come So easy for them.  My happy Grandma was that way too.  I think that is the next thing to work on…

I'd like to be like that & not guilty for being surrounded by people who are that way.

My audio book said “Evrything had to be okay right now.”. I did the 18 min. BB on it.  Half way through it seemed too unrealistic so I switched to “I had to know how everything was going to work out.”

That reminded me of a past time when I was to e with taking a pay cut.  I creak g bills is the same as taking a paycut.  In that case, I knew things would work out. “

BB- Worry made me effecient.

Which was really hard to believe for 18 minutes.

So I'd like something with not over planning next.

4/29/2019
My other work has made it clear how poorly I manage the time that I have.  When I have free time I feel torn about what to work on first and often guilty whatever I choose first (Self improvement (PSTEC), excersise or housework).

This is a  far smaller problem than wanting to be dead or panicing about braces.  I did  think about the cost of the braces early in the day, but not panicing. 

Ideas?