Reply To: Where to start for this change?

#22652
AvatarRussell Cronberg
PSTEC User

Hi Magnatolia,

I'm on a similar journey as you and am back in the dating game after a recent divorce.  Definitely search the forum for my previous posts as Jeff has given me some great advice about what you just asked.  In a nutshell, what's seemed to work for me is that I have and am still running the click tracks on my fear of rejection, fear of approaching and just plain fear of being myself around women.

In about 4 months I have been able to go from being paralyzed with fear while being around an attractive woman in a situation such as her being a checker and me a customer to now I routinely talk to attractive women everywhere I go such as the coffee shop, grocery store, shopping mall, etc.  What I would do is literally visualize myself being in those situations, feeling the fear well up in me and then trying to hang onto it and really get into it while running the click tracks.  What I'm working on now is the 'escalation' part or in other words going beyond small talk and trying for the phone number/date.

In my very limited experience with being back into dating, it appears as though over half the battle is being able to be genuinely confident and “fearless” while being around a woman you're attracted to.  I used to hate the cliche of 'be yourself' but I now understand that what that truly means is to be your “relaxed” self as if you're talking to a good friend of family member (but with a flirtatious twist  8) ) Hopefully this helps a little bit until Jeff is able to bring the expert advice. :D

Russell