Where to start for this change?
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- December 30, 2011 at 1:13 pm#21419Jason TilleyPSTEC User
I've always been the nice guy, not confident around women, rejected, only really dated a couple of girls. I can approach girls that isn't a problem but I'm not attractive (mentally not physically). Meaning that I'm too nice.
I want to work on bringing out a more confident, charismatic, seductive, sexually attractive vibe/mindset/way of life, where girls actually want to meet me and where I have girls approaching me.
I'm not sure where to start. Do I start with small issues like my fear of rejection (this is around doing something risque or even something my mind considers risque but probably isn't), physical contact, escalation, assuming attraction especially when a girl is hitting on me and my inner voice is telling me I'm imagining it?
Or should I start on a positive clicktrack and then tackle any negative that come up from that? For the positive I would probably use something outrageous such as seeing myself in different situations where girls are flirting with me and coming up to me. Then see if any negatives come up. If they don't does that mean I don't need to click tap them away?
Should I also use it on specific situations? Like there's a girl going to the party tomorrow, I'm a bit unsure how to act around her. I feel like I should just be polite and not really engage in much conversation, but then I feel rude. So focus on that situation and that feeling of being rude if I decide not to engage someone in conversation?
Thanks for your help! Looking forward to the results this product can offerJanuary 2, 2012 at 6:15 am#22652Russell CronbergPSTEC User
I'm on a similar journey as you and am back in the dating game after a recent divorce. Definitely search the forum for my previous posts as Jeff has given me some great advice about what you just asked. In a nutshell, what's seemed to work for me is that I have and am still running the click tracks on my fear of rejection, fear of approaching and just plain fear of being myself around women.
In about 4 months I have been able to go from being paralyzed with fear while being around an attractive woman in a situation such as her being a checker and me a customer to now I routinely talk to attractive women everywhere I go such as the coffee shop, grocery store, shopping mall, etc. What I would do is literally visualize myself being in those situations, feeling the fear well up in me and then trying to hang onto it and really get into it while running the click tracks. What I'm working on now is the 'escalation' part or in other words going beyond small talk and trying for the phone number/date.
In my very limited experience with being back into dating, it appears as though over half the battle is being able to be genuinely confident and “fearless” while being around a woman you're attracted to. I used to hate the cliche of 'be yourself' but I now understand that what that truly means is to be your “relaxed” self as if you're talking to a good friend of family member (but with a flirtatious twist ) Hopefully this helps a little bit until Jeff is able to bring the expert advice.
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