Reply To: bothered

#23368
Avatarkei
PSTEC User

Thank you very much Jeff and silent Bob, i appreciate that

the thing is i'm really on emotional roller-coaster now, i don't know…
in one moment i ct a thing and in other i dwell on the same thing again… i know i should take guidance but in this moment i cant afford it and i don't want it.

i want to be completely free with people, to do whatever i want, and sometimes i am, but other times not and that's my story, again and again and i am so exhausted. with the same people… i am confident one day, and other day numb. I am desperate for not living life I want.
The tgr book did give me hope, but my mind model is standing in way

i don't even know what to ct anymore. PP is not working as i want to. I'm pretty irritated, several times stopped ct in the middle because feeling like not getting anywhere.
Jeff you are saying that should beware of wish to control, but that time when I have sense of ruling my mind is great and confident time. I can have some tremor situations but i am so full of hope, that it is not scary and something to dwell on later.

can't let my mind wonder because it makes out some stupid problems with negative thinking, like thing with inherited psycho disorders, which i do not believe

i have some PP statements like this,
I am independent of other people's opinion.
I am free (to be the person I want, to live life that I want)
I want to feel calm and confident around people

I don't want to live this shitty life of quiet desperation, i am so talented and smart and charming and i keep wasting my life like this.