Reply To: Obessive thinking of an lost love

#23389
AvatarJeff Harding
PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

Hi Eddie … there can be many themes in our belief systems that can support the thought that I ought to be upset when I break up with someone … even that phrase “break up” has limiting beliefs behind it; something was broken and we often wonder if it was ourselves … and all of it can all be quite individual.

Specific targeting for the PSTEC Tools is difficult based upon your post because there are hidden details in here, such as:

” i keep getting new memories about other stuff”
What type of memories… what stuff … what are the emotions that come along with those.

“so many that its so hard to concentrate on the one”
Is there a common theme to those repetitive memories?

“i also keep over thinking about her as i drive in my car “
Thinking what?

“stop the feelings i get from memories of her”
What type of feelings and memories?

“i am so helpless”
One of the general areas you are expressing here is that, basically, without her you are helpless.  That is a belief in and of itself and points to a mind model that says you are not whole without someone.  Therein, is a dis-empowering and limiting belief in many ways, not only when you are not in relationship, but that belief will also, most likely, lead you to a relationship that is fraught with disappointment because you will be in the relationship to get something rather than truly share your life.

So, you will have to delve a little deeper to find the source of your upset in order to correct your errors in thinking that bring you pain.

The General Practical …

Begin by sitting in quiet and asking more “Why” questions.

Why am I upset about not being in a relationship with her her?

Let's say you answer, 'Because I feel lonely.'

Now, you could begin by CT'ing the lonliness… imagine being alone… how does that feel?  If it's unpleasant, CT it.  Be aware of other memories and thoughts that come up because it's still quite general, but it's one possible place to start.

But, you could go deeper which would lead you to a more foundational source of the issue…

'Why am I feeling lonely?'

You see?  Keep asking “Why” in moving down to the foundation of your mind model and discovering where the emotions, belief and behaviors are based that support or declare that ending an intimate relationship ought to be painful.

So, moving in this direction is not necessarily addressing the most recent “her” but more the foundations of the mind model that creates this pain and also gets you into these painful relationships in the first place.

The Specific practical…

If you go this route, don't neglect the above approach because if you do, it's likely you will keep repeating this pattern again and again.

Check out the suggestions on this post…
http://pstecforum.com/pf/relationships-and-rejection/obsessive-thoughts-and-relationships/

Aloha!
Jeff