Obessive thinking of an lost love

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  • #21587
    eddiec
    PSTEC User

    Hi i have just recently downloaded the level 1 and the free cts , i am struggling with using the cts as while i try so hard to focus on the feeling and the thought of my lost i lost love i keep getting new memories about other stuff so many that its so hard to concentrate on the one , i also keep over thinking about her as i drive in my car and have become seriously depressed and anxious since the breakup , how best can i use the clik tracks and positive thinking audios to stop the feelings i get from memories of her , i am so helpless at times that i feel so anious i need to stop and cry , any help would be really appreciated ,

    Regards

    Eddie

    #23389
    Jeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Eddie … there can be many themes in our belief systems that can support the thought that I ought to be upset when I break up with someone … even that phrase “break up” has limiting beliefs behind it; something was broken and we often wonder if it was ourselves … and all of it can all be quite individual.

    Specific targeting for the PSTEC Tools is difficult based upon your post because there are hidden details in here, such as:

    ” i keep getting new memories about other stuff”
    What type of memories… what stuff … what are the emotions that come along with those.

    “so many that its so hard to concentrate on the one”
    Is there a common theme to those repetitive memories?

    “i also keep over thinking about her as i drive in my car “
    Thinking what?

    “stop the feelings i get from memories of her”
    What type of feelings and memories?

    “i am so helpless”
    One of the general areas you are expressing here is that, basically, without her you are helpless.  That is a belief in and of itself and points to a mind model that says you are not whole without someone.  Therein, is a dis-empowering and limiting belief in many ways, not only when you are not in relationship, but that belief will also, most likely, lead you to a relationship that is fraught with disappointment because you will be in the relationship to get something rather than truly share your life.

    So, you will have to delve a little deeper to find the source of your upset in order to correct your errors in thinking that bring you pain.

    The General Practical …

    Begin by sitting in quiet and asking more “Why” questions.

    Why am I upset about not being in a relationship with her her?

    Let's say you answer, 'Because I feel lonely.'

    Now, you could begin by CT'ing the lonliness… imagine being alone… how does that feel?  If it's unpleasant, CT it.  Be aware of other memories and thoughts that come up because it's still quite general, but it's one possible place to start.

    But, you could go deeper which would lead you to a more foundational source of the issue…

    'Why am I feeling lonely?'

    You see?  Keep asking “Why” in moving down to the foundation of your mind model and discovering where the emotions, belief and behaviors are based that support or declare that ending an intimate relationship ought to be painful.

    So, moving in this direction is not necessarily addressing the most recent “her” but more the foundations of the mind model that creates this pain and also gets you into these painful relationships in the first place.

    The Specific practical…

    If you go this route, don't neglect the above approach because if you do, it's likely you will keep repeating this pattern again and again.

    Check out the suggestions on this post…
    http://pstecforum.com/pf/relationships-and-rejection/obsessive-thoughts-and-relationships/

    Aloha!
    Jeff

    #23390
    eddiec
    PSTEC User

    When i say i keep getting new memories of new stuff i mean i think of a place or a thing we did together memories of our time together , Driving in my car its like a barrage of constant thoughts of her , like today i had to pass by her house where she visits at weekends to her parents i was sick with anxiety , ,A ll day i have been so down ,about eveything due to the unhappniess and depression , i know she was a lovey person and the breakup was a shock to me , this is a pattern that has plaqued me all my life , i have been trying to address the deeper issues about why the relationship s i have been i dont work is because i met people who are going to reject m because i do not know how to love properly as i do not love msyelf , and as for lonlyness i feel i need someone to make me happy as i am not happy with me,  i do not love my self as i was rejected by my parenst ass a child , . thank you for your reply , any more advice would be much appreciated
    Regards Eddie

    #23391
    Jeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Eddie… you have some patterns or themes going on within your mind that are manifesting in your life…

    Emotions – Begin working through some of the emotional issues … these are all specifics you can begin to CT:

    For example… these are all memories that you can address with the CT's as far as the emotions are concerned…

    • pass by her house where she visits at weekends to her parents i was sick with anxiety
    • breakup was a shock to me
    • rejected by my parents as a child
    • [/list]As you CT those, other memories may arise and when they do, jot them down, add them to your list and CT those as well.

      Make the emotional clearing… your CT work … your primary concern right now… lower the emotional upset and clarity will be allowed to follow for you.

      Beliefs are another area to consider, but DO NOT skip over the emotional issues I mentioned above.

      Beliefs… these are addressed with PSTEC Positive… take a look at these beliefs that come out in your last post…

    • i meet people who are going to reject me because i do not know how to love properly
    • i do not love myself
    • i need someone to make me happyi am not happy with me
    • [/list]With some of these, it will be best to delve a little deeper into “why” you are unhappy with yourself… why you can't love yourself, etc.

      Those are some very specific aspects you can begin working through.

      When you clear some memories issues and you feel better or at least neutral, finish your PSTEC session with a PP Statement that states how you wish to think and feel… move in the opposite direction of those statements above.

      Aloha nui loa!
      Jeff

      PS Remember, if obsession with your lost love is really tough, follow that link I posted in my last post to you.

    #23392
    eddiec
    PSTEC User

    Hi Jeff
    I have been CTing alot of different memories that cause me the emotions which are sadness and anxiety ,  I have so many memories of our relationship each time a new memorys pop into my head while working on a specific memory in our relationship . So what i am saying is so many thoughts with her in them come into my head while CT ing another , i am working alot on the emotions of indivdual memories such as things we have done places we have been and the like , however i still wake up everyday feeling so sad and down and the memorys start flooding in as soon as i open my eyes , i have also used the POS tracks to say things like , I am happy while i am not in a relationship , I do not need her in my life , i am happy on my own , i love myself and feel free , so basically i am struggling still because of the huge attachment i have to her in my head , If you could she a little more light on how best perhaps i might avail of my time with PESTEC for better results i would be most grateful

    Regards Eddie 

    #23393
    Jeff Harding
    PSTEC Pro and Forum Moderator

    Hi Eddie… if you send me a PM, I will walk you through a step-by-step process of dealing with obsessive thoughts via emails.  This is a subject that many times requires the help of a guide to help you see the truth beyond your obsession so we will give it a go via email.
    Aloha!
    Jeff

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