Reply To: Re: obsessed!
Hi again, Jeff.
Uh -oh…I seem to have hit a rather formidable snag.
Through an email I received from a newsblog I follow, I clicked on a link in regards to “Burning Man”. (Please google).
Now my ex is a HUGE fan of “Burning Man” and is an avowed “Burner”. He claimed that upon participating in his first Burning Man a few years ago, it changed him completely. As his former boyfriend I shudder to think how it changed him, from my perspectival: from a an emotionally abusive narcissist, suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, to an even BIGGER narcissist, suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The very trenchant image came to me of his going to Burning Man which starts this Monday the 25th and lasts until the Sunday before Labour Day. Through the article I read and the images I saw on the link, I gathered right away that it would be a festive, happy, highly erotically charged, dusty, loud and colourful event. I also saw him in my mind’s eye with his arm around his new love interest, kissing him passionately. I then saw myself standing several feet away, looking at them, watching them and feeling very much abandoned and very sad.
I started the first free CT at an 8. I finished it with a 10. I ran the second free CT and my emotional charge remained fixed at 10. It seems I’ve discovered that I have the capacity to multi-task after all – tap and click to the click track, listen to Tim’s voice and keep the image of my ex-boyfriend very, very vividly in my mind. So vividly that the longer I tapped and clicked and the more solidified my mind pictures became, the angrier and the more frustrated I got.
I prefer the me that is terrible at multi-tasking.
Please let me know if PSTEC can help me confront this craziness that my mind is throwing up.