Reply To: Belief confusion

#23862
AvatarSeratoBeats
PSTEC User

Oh one more thing

I have a belief I don't deserve pleasure from women. ( dont ask)

This is what causes most anxiety. I see its ridiculous now so I'm trying to go the opposite way on this one and want the pleasure and not have to worry about anything else but every time I do I get sever anxiety. I literally get physical pains when I try to view the situation in the way I want but my mind views it in the opposite. Every time I tell myself I want to go and see this girl and get pleasure I literally get physical pains all in my torso and stomach.

I understand its because beliefs are in conflict and I don't see the negative undoing this just yet. And I believe it's because I emotionally sabotaged myself all these years to do the opposite and avoid pleasure and sex for feeling unworthy so my sub said ok fine. Now it won't budge and I'm in physical pain.

I only pray that releasing the negative emotions toward myself about this belief will clear the pain so I can get cracking on PN. I just don't even know how to CT emotions toward self about not deserving pleasure. I CTd an event of my being shameful or afraid of being intimate or refusing pleasure from a woman but never the emotions toward self.

Ah my head hurts lol