Reply To: Repeating


    Well I'm a DJ so the music thing has always been apart of me. I've always taken music serious and had a passion for it.

    The movie part however..

    I used video games and movies as an escape when times were rough. I usually used it as a way of escaping reality and pretending to be the people in the movies. I guess I also even compared the movies a lot to reality and believed that life should be like the movies. I guess I had problems with my dad and I felt I never had a hero so I would search for someone who fit the description (some cool war guy on tv) and pretend to be him or mimic him. I've done this for as long as I remember. I don't seem to do this anymore but I do find myself checking a lot now, sort of testing or comparing myself to how I was before PSTEC.

    I also had an obsession all my life to google everything. My whole life has been self diagnosing myself .. I have this I have that what if it's this what if it's that. I easily believe things. Not consciously but I find my mind is easily fooled. My mother told me as a kid I've always been curious and very trusting of other people. My buddy has told me times in the past I was naive, same as my mother I clicked on all of that and it seemed to help a lot I feel a lot more realistic and rational now.

    I find myself repeating words that have no meaning, maybe I hear them somewhere or read them somewhere, words that have no meaning to me. My whole life has been trying to solve everything, figure everything out, find the answer to all of the things I do, over analyzing etc..

    These have been problems for me. Things are getting better, there's the random times I get lost in my thoughts but things seem to be getting better the more I clear.

    Procrastination has been the biggest issue for me my whole life. I don't know if it's add but I'm going to see a specialist within a couple weeks to give me some peace. I was always a restless hyperactive kid, highly intelligent but struggled with focusing and easily getting distracted. I was the class clown trying to make everyone laugh, disastrous desk and very forgetful. I knew tasks were important but I left them to the last minute settling for a c over an a or b. Whenever I was passionate about something like djing I would spend my life emersing my self in it while I blocked everything else out. My mind was never able to manage time. One thing I'm working on now, managing time, being productive, learning etc.

    I find using positives on remembering things has helped a lot.

    Sorry for the long drifting post!